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To feel disappointed that my friends only stayed less than 2 hours for dinner?

(24 Posts)
IfuckingHateIkea Sun 18-Jan-15 20:07:58

I could well be being unreasonable. I think it's more of a case of feeling abit sorry for myself.

I invited my friend and her DP round to mine for a meal today. I cooked a special meal from scratch for them and was really looking forward to them coming round etc.

Anyway they came, ate the food and we chatted in the living room for abit. My friend then says that she is feeling unwell and wants to go home. I should point out that she has a lot of health problems and I know that she suffers a lot with them. But they had only been here for less than 2 hours.

It made me feel paranoid that maybe I wasn't a very good host, or that maybe her partner had sent her a text whilst they were here asking her to make their excuses so they could leave.

Anyway I just feel abit sorry for myself as I was looking forward to the company.

Mintyy Sun 18-Jan-15 20:09:17

Yanbu.

bighairyspider Sun 18-Jan-15 20:10:35

I think you're being a bit paranoid, especially about the text. As she has a lot of health issues it may have been that 2 hours was good going for her and that she stayed as long as she could.

HumphreyCobbler Sun 18-Jan-15 20:10:47

It is a shame when that happens but perhaps your friend was making a really effort to come in the first place, in spite of feeling ill, so she didn't let you down?

ahbollocks Sun 18-Jan-15 20:12:40

Thats shitty sad im sure it was genuine but you're allowed to be disappointed

CeliaLytton Sun 18-Jan-15 20:12:48

YANBU to feel disappointed when you were looking forward to more of an evening, but as pp said, maybe she was feeling unwell and made a big effort to come and see you regardless.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 18-Jan-15 20:14:36

She was feeling ill. Don't take it personally.

Earlybird Sun 18-Jan-15 20:16:56

How often do you see your friend, and when did you see her last?

Do you get on with her dp, and how long have they been together?

You're certainly not wrong to feel disappointed, but don't jump to conclusions.

IfuckingHateIkea Sun 18-Jan-15 20:17:36

Yeah I think fundamentally it was genuine and I probably am being abit paranoid as have been through the mill emotionally recently and have bad pmt. I'm sure she came as she didn't want to let me down. I think it's just a case of me feeling disappointed because I was expecting it to be a longer evening with them leaving at say 11pm etc. I was looking forward to the conversation.

Littlef00t Sun 18-Jan-15 20:20:48

I'll be honest, it sounds like she probably wanted to cancel but knew you'd have gone to some effort and would be upset. So she did what she could but had to bow out.

KitKat1985 Sun 18-Jan-15 20:25:02

It sounds like to me that she was probably ill all along but came along for the eve anyway because she didn't want to let you down. I can understand why you are disappointed but try not to take it personally. xx

Puddingsandpiglets Sun 18-Jan-15 20:46:28

I've had lots of health problems recently, and have had to leave social stuff early. It's hard to put a happy face on for long periods when you are in pain, although I've always felt bad letting people down. However I've really appreciated people making an effort and wanting my company even when they know I'm not at my best. If you enjoyed the short evening and she semed to then that's what counts.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 18-Jan-15 20:54:09

It is possible that she felt ill prior but didnt want to cancel at such a late stage.

Chin up.

SorchaN Sun 18-Jan-15 21:16:03

Argh! Embarrassing memory of being invited to a friend's for dinner many years ago. I was at that stage of early pregnancy where I was exhausted. It was too early to tell anyone about the pregnancy. I fell asleep on her sofa. I really couldn't help it; my body just refused to co-operate. I was very apologetic, but utterly unable to be a proper guest. I had another medical condition that made the exhaustion even worse, and wasn't properly under control because of the pregnancy. Just so embarrassing.

I imagine your friend really was unwell and wanted to spend more time with you but just couldn't because of her health issues. I can see why you're disappointed though. But did you at least have a good time even though it was short-lived?

TinLizzie Sun 18-Jan-15 21:17:12

Ask her. Or at least, tell her that you were disappointed (nicely!) that you didn't get to spend more time with her and ask is everything ok with her? More concern for her (and her condition/s) than your own feelings might give you the answer you need (not calling you out on this, just saying that perhaps have more concern for her condition as her friend than whether you've been 'snubbed')!

QTPie Sun 18-Jan-15 21:38:36

I would take it at face value and that she was genuinely unwell (you say that she has a number of health problems...). Sounds incredibly unfortunate and these things happen.

Did you spend quite a lot of time cooking and things whilst they were there? So felt that you had maybe less time than they were actually there for? I honestly think that there is a lot to be said for either cooking easy meals ahead (a "one pot" type meal and bought dessert) or a (very nice) takeaway on these occasions. I have learnt that I want to spend as much time as possible with my friends and as little time fussing in the kitchen. So I do things like chill, casseroles, lasagne etc (that has been slow cooking for hours and I just have to boil/steam some veg to go with it) and a nice premade dessert from M&S/Waitrose. On Fri night we had 7 friends round and we ordered a nice Indian (we all chose in advance and paid for our own). Everyone provided a bottle of wine to share and I did nibbles and dessert/cheese. It was a very relaxed evening.

tassisssss Sun 18-Jan-15 21:41:34

I totally get you feeling disappointed as seems v early to leave but maybe it's a complement and she views you as good enough pal to excuse herself when feeling rubbish?

fluffyraggies Sun 18-Jan-15 21:49:11

Have they been to you before to eat? Has your friend been round before for a less formal evening? Did it go well and last longer those times?

If this is an old friend who you know has health probs and can be herself with you then i would stop worrying and take it at face value. If this is a new friendship i can understand your fretting, but still, don't take it personally. You cant have done anything that awful! Maybe as another poster suggested, ask her about how she is and say you were sorry they had to leave so early?

NewYearsHangoversHurtAlot Sun 18-Jan-15 21:53:54

And this is why I don't go out any more. I have an overwhelming fear people think I'm lying about my health and for me 2 hours would be really very good going.

I've had one 'friend' say when u cancelled a night out 'youd think with the amount of drs you see one of them will have cured you by now' haven't heard from her since

NewYearsHangoversHurtAlot Sun 18-Jan-15 21:54:11

When I, not you!

NeedABumChange Sun 18-Jan-15 21:56:52

I would be more disappointed if they had phones out than leaving early- how rude!

justmyview Sun 18-Jan-15 21:57:24

I think YABU. You accept your friend was genuinely ill. I think she made an effort to come out for 2 hours and that's good she made the effort

IfuckingHateIkea Sun 18-Jan-15 23:00:39

I'm not disappointed with my friend, I'm just disappointed with the night not really working out if that makes sense.

Laquitar Sun 18-Jan-15 23:02:30

Sorry but YABVU.
Your friend was probably in pain and you feel sorry for yourself! ?

NewYears don't stop going out, just change friends (flowers)

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