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EX mil problems..............rant/vent/aibu

(32 Posts)
Blackout234 Sat 17-Jan-15 21:08:16

I think im going to cry from frustration. those of you who've read previous posts know whats going on and are getting sick of me . if you havent, heres a quick run down!
Ex and i were under financial stress (Baby on the way,Him on ssp me too sick to work)
im 24 weeks pregnant
ex punched me in the throat
i left, reported to the police, he is on bail.
exMil has called my mother to ask whos name the baby will have. my mother just said well its none of your business is it? cue exmil ranting down the phone at my mother and my mother trying not to laugh it was so ridiculous ex mil came out with.
"He has a right to demand his child is in his name!" er, no, he doesn't actually.
"He would never hurt that baby" no just the mother of said baby while shes pregnant with said baby, right?
"I hope he doesnt go to prison and i will be having my grandchild every weekend as i have a right to" after the third statement my mother hung up the phone and called EE to have exmil's number blocked and to barr all calls from unknown numbers.
AIBU in thinking she is bloody ridiculous in not only defending an abuser (I could never, even if said abuser was my son) and demanding my child overnight! half of me is frustrated and the other half hasn't stopped laughing yet.
The amount of effort weve gone through (me, younger sis who lives with us, my mother) to barr all numbers from all phones and block them all on social media is bloody ridiculous aswell.
Thank you to everyone who listens to my pointless rants, practically daily!

lomega Sat 17-Jan-15 21:11:12

She doesn't have a right to see your baby, grandparents do not have automatic rights to grandchildren. She needs to fuck back off.

It sounds like your DM is being supportive, at least she's got your back, I imagine this would be very stressful to deal with on your own! sad

Groovee Sat 17-Jan-15 21:12:22

hmm Sounds like you may have a fight on your hands because he attacked you and you got out. Call barring is the best thing to do.

glenthebattleostrich Sat 17-Jan-15 21:13:59

You've done brilliantly. I've lurked on your previous threads and am so full of admiration for you.

Your doing absolutely the right thing blocking the whole lot of them, they will bring nothing to your life and frankly the cow cangp fuck off, she has zero rights.

Blackout234 Sat 17-Jan-15 21:14:30

I agree she needs to fuck back off.
if she was nice to me and i felt i could trust her to not let ex around when baby was around i would have gone up once a week with baby so baby could know her GP's but i wont now that she seems to have her pompoms out for her "dear son".

Lariflete Sat 17-Jan-15 21:20:09

I'm so sorry that you are going through this Blackout
I lurked on your last thread because I didn't have any practical advice, but I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best. flowers

LokiBear Sat 17-Jan-15 21:23:14

Your ex mil has mo legal tights to your child. She will not be having said child overnight. Keeping blocking and ignoring.

Blackout234 Sat 17-Jan-15 21:26:21

thank you lariflete smile it is much appreciated.
Lokibear i'm well aware she has no legal rights, she just thinks she has, which is truly laughable.

flamingoland Sat 17-Jan-15 21:26:45

You are doing brilliantly. x

Blackout234 Sat 17-Jan-15 21:30:04

flamingoland i'm trying D: Honestly though i've only been dragging myself out of the house to see the odd friend or go to mw/hospital appointments otherwise im curled up in bed with my lovely boyfriends netflix, oreos and icecream. I like to just curl up in bed, do nothing but talk to bump about how much i love her when shes not got her bum in my ribs, sending shooting pains through my vagina or sending me running for a bucket
No time for abusers and abusers relatives.

wheresthelight Sat 17-Jan-15 21:30:09

i have read your other thread and you have done amazingly!!! Ignore your MIL and keep laughing at her because she is being ridiculous.

She is defending her son because she cannot bring herself to think that she has given birth to and raised such a twunt, and i sympathise with her for that. For the cops to have arrested and him being put on bail there is obviously compelling evidence but he will be telling her anything she wants to hear that makes him the innocent and you the evil cow.

Keep fighting and make sure that you play your cards close to your chest

CrapBag Sat 17-Jan-15 21:33:54

I haven't read any of your threads but well done for getting away.

Ignore the silly cow. She has not rights and neither will your ex if you don't put him on the birth certificate. She can say she is having your child all she wants, doesn't mean she is going to get it.

Keep ignoring and barring. Hopefully they'll get bored.

Its good that you have great support around you. flowers

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires Sat 17-Jan-15 22:07:49

"He has a right to demand his child is in his name! <snip> and i will be having my grandchild every weekend as i have a right to"

Tell her (via someone neutral?) to make an appointment with a really expensive solicitor, if she's so sure of their rights.


ineedtogetthisout Sat 17-Jan-15 22:14:47

My mother thought she had rights to my children too, off she went to a solicitor who sent a letter requesting contact, which I refused and she was told it would be expensive and pointless to continue trying to get access and that was that. She has no rights at all.

You are doing brilliantly, just keep laughing at her ridiculous behaviour.

Jodie1982 Sat 17-Jan-15 22:33:56

Keep strong OP, you've been amazing and you definitely have a wise head on your shoulders. You have a wonderfully supportive mum too. Wishing you all the very best for the future.

FluffyRedSocks Sat 17-Jan-15 22:42:46

I too have been lurking on previous threads and your doing a great job!

Lariflete Sat 17-Jan-15 22:51:01

Blackout my lg was like that - she kept her bottom wedged firmly into my ribs for the last 22 weeks angry Good job she's cute especially now she is three and has her own opinions grin

Blackout234 Sat 17-Jan-15 22:56:36

I think when i give birth shes going to pop out of my lung grin grin
thank you everyone smile x

NanaNina Sat 17-Jan-15 23:01:17

Just want to correct something crapbag said up thread about the baby's father not having any rights if his name isn't on the birth certificate but that isn't the case. If the parents are married they have equal rights to the children, as they have shared Parental Responsibility (PR) If not married (as in this case) it is possible for the father of the child to be granted PR by a fairly simple process (you can google to find out) and if he is granted PR then he will have equal rights to the child.

The grandmother as everyone says has no automatic rights at all. However grandparents can apply to the Family Court for a Contact Order under S.8 of the Children Act 1989. They have to get "leave of the court" i.e. agreement by a Judge to hear the case before they can get into court to make this application. If the Judge finds in their favour, he/she will make a Contact Order with the specific times defined in the Order.

whothehellknows Sat 17-Jan-15 23:02:37

Am I correct in thinking that the father's name can't even be put on the birth certificate unless he's a) married to the mother, or b) present at the baby's registration of birth?

If that's correct, is it even POSSIBLE to give the baby your ex's surname, if for some crazy reason you wanted to?

Otherwise, women could be giving their babies anybody's surname they fancied. I could have Babywhothehellknows Downey Jr.

avocadotoast Sat 17-Jan-15 23:13:11

I believe you can give your baby any surname you like. It's not just first names and middle names you can pick.

OP, it sounds like you're going through a hell of a time, and sounds like you're doing brilliantly. Hang in there.

CrazyCatLady13 Sat 17-Jan-15 23:48:42

Grandparents are only likely to get access through the court if they already have a good relationship with their grandchild/ren - the courts see it as maintaining a valuable family connection. For an example, if the grandparents have been in the child's life regularly before contact stops, they may have a case.

However, if she does not have that bond before applying to court, they're unlikely to allow access.

In the unlikely event that she succeeds, if the OP chooses to ignore the court order, the usual sanctions the court can impose in custody cases (such as imprisonment or swapping residence between parents) cannot apply as the judge would not remove a child from its mother in these circumstances. It's really difficult for a grandparent to enforce a contact order for these reasons.

Also, she would have to pay all the court fees herself (about £350, not counting the mediation service fees that she would have to pay before applying to court). She may be able to get her mediation costs under legal aid depending on her circumstances but would have to pay court costs.

OP - PM me if you want any further info - I spent 4 years working for a mediation service with family law cases.


NanaNina Sun 18-Jan-15 00:32:00

CCL I agree with what you are saying. Maybe I should have made that point clear about grandparents being highly unlikely to be granted a Contact Order (access as a term is no longer used) when they don't have a good relationship with the child in question. Indeed the Judge may not agree to hear the case as "leave of the court" is needed before the case can be heard.

I also agree about the difficulties for grandparents in enforcing Contact Orders though I do know of cases where they have been successful.

I hate to be competitive but I have spent some 30 years as a professional involved in the Family Courts. I was merely stating the facts without elaborating.

Lariflete Sun 18-Jan-15 09:03:28

Painful! wink
Hope you're doing ok this morning OP.

Icimoi Sun 18-Jan-15 09:22:33

Did you mean to refer to your boyfriend up thread? Only it's just a few days since you left your ex, isn't it?

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