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About feeling quite annoyed and upset about this.

(15 Posts)
Headdesk Fri 16-Jan-15 16:49:44

I work nightshift with a man who I can only describe and the most negative and grumpy person I have ever met. It's draining to work with him. He constantly snips at me, he turns everything I say into something negative, I literally cannot say anything without him turning it around into something bad. It's draining. I'm a really bubbly and friendly person but some shifts I go home crying because he's got to me that much (and it takes a lot to make me cry).
I found out from other night shift staff that he's been bitching about me behind my back, saying im shit at my job and I don't do things right, I'm not shit at my job, I just do things a different way to how he likes I still get the job done, I do it thoroughly and in time for the end of my shift.
He's at the same level as me as well and management have never complained about how I do things. The most recent thing is a new night shift person started and before I got to even say hello they said 'oh you're the famous headdesk, I've heard all about you from ***' so he's been bitching about me to the new people! They then went on to say 'yeah really doesn't like you' to which another colleague then said 'I would t say he hates you but it's pretty close'
I have never ever given him a reason to hate me, I've always been pleasent to him, I try and engage him in conversation, I get on and do my work. The only reason I've gathered so far that he doesn't like me is that I don't do things the same way he does.
He's making it so I don't want to go to work and I absolutely love my job when I'm not working with him, I get on extremely well with my other colleagues. As far as I can tell he's like this with all the other night staff apart from one woman he seems to have no problem with. I'm wary about talking to management because his moods are kind of brushed off as him being him and that's just what he's like. Wibu to bring this up with management? I know it doesn't sound much but it's making me want to look for a new job.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 16-Jan-15 16:54:12

No, he doesn't like you because he's a bully and he's sensed you're a soft touch.

Stop being overly friendly and engaging him in conversation, if you don't have to be with him every minute then go elsewhere, shrug and ignore to his face and raise a grievance about him slagging you off.

You need your big woman pants for this fuckarse grin

Headdesk Fri 16-Jan-15 16:56:30

I tried just getting on with my work and not engaging with him at all and that made it worse, he moaned about me being stroppy to the other night staff on another shift. I can't win.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 16-Jan-15 16:57:25

Ignore the moaning, what you actually need is some serious self esteem where you genuinely don't give a flying fuck about what he thinks of you

Headdesk Fri 16-Jan-15 16:57:41

I don't want to come across like I'm moaning though because it's not the first time ive mentioned in passing about his moodyness

ChickenMe Fri 16-Jan-15 16:57:53

Yes, grievance. This is not reasonable behaviour on his part. It's not acceptable. Document everything and speak to HR. Tell them it's making you dread coming to work and that it's affecting you doing your job.

siblingrevelryagain Fri 16-Jan-15 16:57:58

Raise initially in a chat with management, if not addressed to your liking or taken seriously (if you've given reasonable timescale), address in writing so you have something documented, then escalate further if brushed off as being 'his moods'

If it's as you say, it's totally unnacceptable, as is management's refusal to take it seriously. They have a duty of care to you and therefore have to act and investigate.

ChickenMe Fri 16-Jan-15 16:59:46

Don't worry about what anyone thinks or about how you come across-this needs to be nipped in the bud asap. It's not moaning to find someone's behaviour unacceptable.

HSMMaCM Fri 16-Jan-15 17:00:04

I ended up leaving a job where I felt like this and made sure management knew exactly why I was leaving. The other person didn't last long, but I would have like to stay there if it wasn't fornthem.

Headdesk Fri 16-Jan-15 17:01:50

Thing is its a running joke between everyone at work how he's always grumpy, it's something that he knows about and laughs about with them, but I'm the one that actually gets the actual moods. I'm more upset about the fact that he never tells me he doesn't like how I work, I have to hear about him talking about me behind my back from other people

piggychops Fri 16-Jan-15 17:04:30

You need to stand up for yourself. Tell him you know about him talking behind your back, and that it ends now. Get cross, but only once. He's a bully so will likely back down.
Thereafter, be totally professional, polite etc. Just be completely bland and non committal with your answers. The problem is actually his, rather than yours. You can choose to rise above it.
If he continues to say bad things about you, report it to your your boss.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 16-Jan-15 17:12:42

This is not acceptable, he sounds like a nasty bully. Yes keep a diary and have a meeting with HR. I would get on with your work, don't engage with him, do what you have to and leave work, fuck what he thinks!

Greywackejones Fri 16-Jan-15 17:17:40

I agree with piggy

QueenInTheNorth Fri 16-Jan-15 17:18:18

I would mention it to management personally. He's clearly behaving in an unprofessional manner and while its normal to come across people at work who you don't like/agree with, it's not right to bitch about them to others.

SorchaN Fri 16-Jan-15 19:41:12

It sounds like bullying to me too. Start documenting everything and then raise a grievance. Part of the problem with bullies is that they make you doubt yourself. But it's not ok for someone to be unpleasant to you (and behind your back) all the time, and it's not your fault. It's also not trivial. Are you in a union? If so, talk to them - they can help.

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