My dad has been very ill for some time. At the tail end of last year, it was very much touch and go as to whether he would survive. Thanks to some brilliant doctors and a lot of luck, things are looking more hopeful now, and I'm beginning to arrange things so that he can come home from hospital. Of course there is a lot that needs to be done to adapt the house so that he can still manage to stay there with appropriate support.
In December (at a point when I was making end-of-life plans for him on the advice of the hospital) I had a call from his next-door neighbour, who was shocked at having seen him taken away in an ambulance and wanted to find out from me what was going on. I gave her a very quick summary. She mentioned that some of the fence panels between her house and Dad's were looking loose, and could I get something done about it while she was on holiday? I said something along the lines of 'I can't really promise anything, but I'll look into it if I have time, there's a lot to do at the moment' and left it at that. Needless to say I didn't do anything about it - and I suspect they're not at Dad's side of the boundary anyway.
With the recent gales, one fence panel has now come down. Neighbour appears at Dad's house (where I am getting rails fitted in between the usual school run, calls from the hospital and the like) in high dudgeon. She is now insisting that it's my fault that the fence panel has come down because I didn't act on it in December, that I have to both arrange the replacement and to have it done by people she chooses, and that I should be 'on red alert' to replace the fence panels and posts over and above everything else (her words) because otherwise her grass will go yellow.
IWBU to tell her exactly where to shove her fence posts, but AIBU to want to?
I think I would tell her to do one. Politely. I'd say you've had a lot on your mind lately and a lot of things to do, as she can appreciate, so this isn't your main priority. You'll get it sorted when you get the chance. But currently ensuring your fathers living situation is comfortable is more important than her yellow grass.
I'd be saying that tbh, when my dad has been so close to death, I haven't spared even a tiny thought for something as trivial as a fence but when he is better, I will look at the deeds, establish whose fence it is and if it is his, attend to it. If she doesn't like that, she is free to put up her own fence at her own expense.
YWNBU to insert said fence panel sideways into a bodily orifice of hers, of your choosing.
Has it been established whether the fence is your DF's responsibility or hers? If it is hers, tell her to do one and sort it out herself. If it is your Dad's, then I would apologise, tell her that the fence will be sorted as soon as possible, and advise her that a bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss, seeing as she was aware how ill your Dad was.
Some people, honestly (her, I mean, not you). Hope your Dad's well on the road to recovery and
Tell her straight that you shouldn't give a shiny shit about the fences, and if she wants them done then she can organise and pay for it herself, because you will not be.
I had to do this with a neighbour of mine who was lovely, but who couldn't stand the fact that a couple of bricks were crumbling on the wall I owned between our driveways. She paid for it to be redone in the end because she cared about it and I didn't.