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"medium" friend "spoke" with my dead DH

(177 Posts)
reallyupsetwithF Thu 15-Jan-15 23:05:36

Namechanged so if am recognised it isn't stuck to my usual name.

My DH died late last year.
I met my friend who I work with a year ago. She is a nice enough women but she does believe she is a medium. She offers card readings and ghost hunting tours to everyone and I am aware that some people have taken her up on the offer. (She does charge for these)

I don't believe in mediums, psychics or anything like that really. I don't mention my beliefs around her I just smile and nod or change the subject when she brings it up. Mostly because I don't want to get into a big thing about beliefs and have to debate about it mostly because nothing that she would tell me would change mind.

Since my DH died there was a Christmas party at work (which I didn't go to) where apparently some colleagues asked her to talk to my DH to make me feel better. She said that she couldn't just do it on tap and the spirits came to her (which she has said before including the first day I met her when she first said she was a medium)

I saw her today and she said she had something to tell me in private. So we met up briefly in the backroom at work and she said that she had a message last night and she thinks it is for me from DH. I said I was sorry but I didn't want to talk about it. I then left the room. Every time she saw me in work she kept asking me to listen as she thinks this is her gift and it is her duty to tell me. Other people were also telling me to listen to her in case I regret it.

In the end I said fine just tell me quickly. She told me that he said he was in a better place, not to worry, he was watching over us and misses us. She then used a nickname that DH used to use for me when we started going out (pretty sure I have told her that before but she acted like it was new information he had told her) I told her to stop now as it was upsetting me. I also told her that I would rather she didn't do this to me again. She said what if DH wants to pass a message to me again.

Now I was really annoyed at this point so I told her that my DH knew I didn't believe in mediums so I doubt he would try to contact me through her as he would know that I wouldn't believe her. She said that she was telling the truth. I said that if she was telling the truth why didn't she use her gift to find missing children rather than charging people to look at old houses and coloured cards. (Bad I know but I was upset and fed up)

Obviously she was upset, she went around crying to everyone about me being mean to her.

Now a part of me does feel bad as she can be quite nice and she may even believe to some extent that she is a medium. But a bigger part of me is annoyed A. That she kept pushing and B. That she used DH like that.

So was she unreasonable for trying to make me listen. Or am I just the unreasonable bitch who should have been more understanding or just let her get on with it and ignored her.

wildwestjilly Thu 15-Jan-15 23:08:42


fredfredgeorgejnr Thu 15-Jan-15 23:08:43

Of course medium's don't really believe it... you were right to act as you did, pandering to her would've just given her more hope to scam you.

Lovecat Thu 15-Jan-15 23:09:13

She is utterly unreasonable and a pushy bitch to boot.

So sorry for your loss flowers

QuintlessShadows Thu 15-Jan-15 23:09:23

Sorry for your loss. Can you talk to hr? She sounds unhinged. It is not on to pester a recent widow with tales of nonsense messages from her husband.

dontcallnotdating Thu 15-Jan-15 23:09:26

You were nbu. She was v v v unreasonable and insensitive. She should have stopped when it was clear you were uncomfortable with it. She possibly really believes what she is saying, or erroneously thinks it'll give you some comfort - but she has been extremely crass. She should be apologising to you. Sorry for your lossflowers

plantsitter Thu 15-Jan-15 23:09:46

I'm so sorry about your H, and I'm also sorry about the insensitive loon who's harrassing you. You haven't done anything wrong at all and she needs to learn to shut up if people don't want to hear her nonsense. Please forget about it if you can. flowers

SnakeyMcBadass Thu 15-Jan-15 23:11:29

YANBU. She's lucky you didn't knock her put. How dare she?! angry

LurkingQuietly Thu 15-Jan-15 23:11:52

She was completely unreasonable. Who behaves like that? Forcing somebody who is recently bereaved to "listen" to a "message" from a loved one? Awful behaviour, preying on you at your weakest.

I'm sorry for your loss, and for having to work with this insensitive idiot.

Amethyst24 Thu 15-Jan-15 23:12:13

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's horrible that this woman is trying to take advantage of your grief in this way. I second talking to HR if she doesn't back off.

JoanHickson Thu 15-Jan-15 23:12:27

She didn't give a shit about upsetting you though did she?

I think maybe mediums are either mentally ill , hearing voices etc or with anti social personality disorder. Either way they have a disability, be it missing empathy from brain structure or mental illness.

Stay away from this Woman and her follower. If necessary speak to hr regarding your concerns for her mh.

Ohfourfoxache Thu 15-Jan-15 23:13:20

I'm very much on the fence about mediums - maybe it's trus, maybe it's not.

But to continue badgering you when you specifically asked her not to, then to go whinging to colleagues, is absolutely bloody awful. I don't care if she thinks she has a gift or not, it sounds like she hasn't got a sensitive, compassionate bone in her body sad

Pensionerpeep Thu 15-Jan-15 23:13:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lemisscared Thu 15-Jan-15 23:14:34

omg i want to punch the woman on your behalf ya so nbu

Namechangeyetagaintohide Thu 15-Jan-15 23:16:04

That is digesting behaviour. Truly it is.

I would be putting in a complaint about her if it were me.

brokenhearted55a Thu 15-Jan-15 23:17:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmantesSuntAmentes Thu 15-Jan-15 23:17:50

So was she unreasonable for trying to make me listen.

Yep, absolutely bang out of order! and I believe! No way should she have forced anything like this on you. Her persistence was vile and highly inappropriate. How dare she?!

lemisscared Thu 15-Jan-15 23:18:18

Joanhickson. i am "mentally ill" your post is deeply upsetting. you might want to ask mnhq to delete it.

JoanHickson Thu 15-Jan-15 23:19:27

I am sorry what did I say to upset you?

Anacoreta Thu 15-Jan-15 23:19:27

She was bloody insensitive, I second the idea that you have to talk to HR, and please do not feel you are the "meannie", most people would be horrified, offended and hurt if an unhinged person forced them to hear "messages" from dead relatives.

Namechangeyetagaintohide Thu 15-Jan-15 23:20:35

As someone also mentally ill I can see Joan'spoint although it could have been worded better.

These people are either outright scam artists or unwell to believe such things.

CrapBag Thu 15-Jan-15 23:21:14

I think you were remarkably restrained and she is an utter knob for going around and crying about it after.

So sorry for your loss flowers

chunkythighs Thu 15-Jan-15 23:21:20

I don't know which of your colleagues are worse the 'medium' or the ones who made you listen to her bullshit.

Don't offer any more explanations to them- they should have minded their own business! It's their problem if they are upset trying to be the centre of attention. As Joan mentioned, they didn't care about upsetting you.

I'm annoyed on your behalf OP.

TheWindowDonkey Thu 15-Jan-15 23:22:53

She was unfathomably unreasonable. That is gobsmackingly insensitive of her. So sorry you had to endure that op.

HolyTerror Thu 15-Jan-15 23:25:14

Yanbu in the least, OP. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I can't help admiring your clear-sightedness about this deluded 'medium'. Someone more muddled and credulous might have had their world turned upside down, instead of recognising her efforts as irritating and presumptuous delusions. She behaved with incredible crassness in forcing her 'message' on you, and your colleagues are as bad for egging her on. I would have sharp words with them, and tell her the spirit world says she should cease and desist.

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