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To think you don't excitedly announce your own 'good news' at a funeral?

(47 Posts)
RubberBulletKisses Thu 15-Jan-15 20:02:23

Or did I miss the memo that says this is appropriate now?!

(She's going to be a grandmother, if anyone's interested hmm)

expatinscotland Thu 15-Jan-15 20:04:54

Tacky and crass in the extreme.

AlpacaPicnic Thu 15-Jan-15 20:05:43

Mmm... Depends on the circumstancces of the funeral, and what you mean by announcing it. Screaming it to a room full of weeping mourners would be inappropriate but discretely mentioning it to people would be ok.
Similarly if it was a very traumatic funeral (young child, terrible accident etc) it would be different to saying goodbye to someone who lived a long and happy life...
Iyswim...

EduCated Thu 15-Jan-15 20:06:18

I think it depends entirely on the context - who they're telling, the manner in which they do so, the general tone and atmosphere at the funeral. I have been to funerals where it would be entirely inappropriate, but also to ones where it would have been fine. In particular one for a very elderly relative who had had a wonderful life. It was, of course, a sad occasion, but it was also a lovely day spent with family, which no-one would have enjoyed more than her. Such news on that occasion would have been very special and appropriate.

Penquin Thu 15-Jan-15 20:07:09

First of all I'm sorry for your loss and that you were attending a funeral.

Trying to be nice here, could it have been an attempt to talk about a new life beginning as a kind of antidote/reason/ray of hope type thing? Not sure if I've explained that right/in a sensitive way.

EduCated Thu 15-Jan-15 20:07:20

But I can completely see how it would be inappropriate in many, if not most, circumstances.

Pooka Thu 15-Jan-15 20:07:53

It depends.

Depends on the "type" of funeral, on the audience, on her relationship to the person whose funeral it was, on how it was done etc.

My great uncle said to me (when he was in his eighties) that he much preferred funerals to weddings because everyone knew each other and there was more to say, less social awkwardness and so on. Of course, he was talking about the funerals of people at or near his age, who'd had a good innings and where it was more appropriate to say it was their time, than in the case of someone younger, or under tragic circs. Similarly, my granny's funeral was a mixture of sadness and of happiness of family together, with grandchildren and of her having lived a good and long life but also that life goes on.

So for this reason I say it depends.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom Thu 15-Jan-15 20:08:16

YANBU i think, bit it depend on a lot of things. I can understand it if it was at the wake, whereas at church or graveside would be a bit off. Also what relation to the deceased? If she was close and knew it was the sort of news that would make people smile when they need it, fair enough to her. If she's some distant friends or relative, and announced it gleefully, YANBU.

either way she could definitely have picked a better time and place.

Pooka Thu 15-Jan-15 20:08:38

Xposts with many posters!

RubberBulletKisses Thu 15-Jan-15 20:08:40

It was announced in a room full of people, and it was not a natural death. Very traumatic. She was just really...chipper. I mean I really didn't like the guy (have a thread about it somewhere) but I managed to behave appropriately just about.

NotActuallyAMum Thu 15-Jan-15 20:09:12

Very disrespectful IMO

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 15-Jan-15 20:09:53

As PP have said, it entirely depends on context. In some families wakes are a big piss up and a way to honour the life and fun of the deceased. In some they are somber affairs.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 15-Jan-15 20:10:20

x-posted. That does sound rough. sad

EduCated Thu 15-Jan-15 20:11:05

In that context, YANBU.

RubberBulletKisses Thu 15-Jan-15 20:12:04

Thank you Penquin. But I got the feeling that she was relishing the attention. She was family, but not close enough to be in the main cars, IYSWIM. I think most people didn't really know how to react...

WannaBe Thu 15-Jan-15 20:14:19

depends on the context, and also how it was announced. It would e.g. not IMO be appropriate to announce it as part of the euligy or in the church, but in some circs telling some people during the wake might be fine, for instance if it was an elderly relative who had died.

I know someone who announced their engagement at the funeral of the groom's sister (well at the wake iyswim and only to the family. Their reason and motivation was that the sister had been killed suddenly (by a drink driver), and their first grandchild had been born prematurely just days before the funeral, and they had realised that life was too short. They'd been living together for 25 years at that point. No-one considered that inappropriate...

Penquin Thu 15-Jan-15 20:16:15

Do you think it was nasty or just shockingly unaware? Some people can amaze with their lack of awareness at what may be appropriate/what others responses may be. I'd just be glad that you're not like that. I hope nobody at the funeral was upset by it, or if they were they had good friends around them to support them.

WannaBe Thu 15-Jan-15 20:16:24

oops no-one considered it inappropriate....

but xpost with your last post and no, not appropriate at all.

RubberBulletKisses Thu 15-Jan-15 20:18:46

Not nasty, just incredibly self absorbed, I think. If the widow had heard she would have lamped her, they don't really get on I wonder why.

WooWooOwl Thu 15-Jan-15 20:20:49

If it felt inappropriate to you then it was inappropriate. I can't imagine many circumstances where you're at a funeral and it is the right time to share pregnancy news at all tbh.

Even where the person has had a good life, had a death as good as possible and has lived to a an old age it's inappropriate. Funerals are about the person who has died and the people who are going to be most affected by the death, not about self centred attention seeking people having babies.

RubberBulletKisses Thu 15-Jan-15 20:34:10

I can see how in some of the examples above it might be less inappropriate. It was in the house before we went to the crem, thinking back some of the deceased's relatives (who we didn't know at all) were sat there too blush.

jonrotten Thu 15-Jan-15 20:35:09

Oh my sil wins at this. She did the reading at her grandmothers funeral - announced her engagement and pregnancy!

RubberBulletKisses Thu 15-Jan-15 20:42:08

Now that is impressive, jonrotten! I guess I should just be thankful she didn't pop open a bottle of champers or something...

Ohfourfoxache Thu 15-Jan-15 20:47:27

Holy fuck jon shock

Rubber she sounds insensitive in the extreme. Is she normally so inappropriate?

jonrotten Thu 15-Jan-15 20:52:27

She said afterwards that she was upset that no one looked that happy. No love, we were all shock at your totally inapropriate timing.

Dh was absolutely fuming and had to avoid her at the wake. Poor MIL. She'd lost her lovely mum and then had her daughter berating her for not being happy enough at her news. It was bizarre.

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