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To think it's a bit 'off' to say this to me?

(25 Posts)
needastrongone Thu 15-Jan-15 14:45:30

At work today, a guy said to me as I walked past him;

'Bloody hell need, you need to eat some pies lass, you'll snap in two in this wind, look at them' scrawny legs'

While I wouldn't have imagine he wouldn't have ever said;

'Bloody hell need, you've put on a few pounds over Christmas haven't you? Looking a bit lardy, need to stay off the pies!'

FWIW I am genetically slender, and have a good relationship with regard to food, but he didn't know that did he?

Wish I had said something but I didn't...

But I feel better for writing it down, as I have been mulling smile

PurpleSwift Thu 15-Jan-15 14:46:58

Yanbu, that's completey inappropriate and so rude.

Thumbwitch Thu 15-Jan-15 14:47:09

It's VERY off to say that to you.
How does he know you don't have an eating disorder? How does he know you're not ill from something serious?

He should never have commented on your weight in the first place, even if it was an apparently "caring" comment (it wasn't).

Rude.

BadgersNadgers Thu 15-Jan-15 14:47:25

It's fucking rude. I hope you told him he's got a fat arse and a face like a toad.

Only1scoop Thu 15-Jan-15 14:48:56

Some idiots actually see it as a back handed compliment apparently....

Only1scoop Thu 15-Jan-15 14:49:52

'Face like a toad'

grin Yes use that

ChippingInLatteLover Thu 15-Jan-15 14:50:54

Maybe he's just, in his own cack handed, old fashioned way, showing some concern about you.

Why must everyone always think the worst of people?

DurhamDurham Thu 15-Jan-15 14:51:13

Some oropendola think that it's acceptable to co me t on a persons weight if they are thin. I've had colleagues tell me in the past that I'm not a 'real' woman as I didn't have lots of curves and a large chest, and that men probably wouldn't find me attractive because they prefer women with 'a bit more meet on them'.

These comments were from other women. I don't think that anyone deserves to be 'body shamed' but apparently if you are thin you are just meant to laugh it off and take it as a compliment.

DurhamDurham Thu 15-Jan-15 14:51:47

Not sure what that word says but it's meant to say people grin

Thumbwitch Thu 15-Jan-15 14:52:57

I love "oropendola! My favourite DYAC of the year so far! grin

rinabean Thu 15-Jan-15 14:53:28

Of course he would have said that - or worse - if he thought you were fat. It was rude of him (even if he wasn't trying to be) but you need to get back in the real world if you think fat women breeze through life and never have anyone say anything to them, jesus

needastrongone Thu 15-Jan-15 14:58:50

smile

Apologies for not checking for mistakes in my original post.

I think it's the contradiction in what it is acceptable to say to folk re weight that irritated me. I work in a male dominated environment, so hear all sorts of 'banter' and rarely raise an eyebrow, but this irked me for some reason.

mrspremise Thu 15-Jan-15 21:57:59

oropendola is my new favourite word grin

fromparistoberlin73 Thu 15-Jan-15 21:59:09

What chipping said.

Hatespiders Thu 15-Jan-15 22:34:30

'oropendola' is a large tropical bird of the blackbird family! You could tell him he ought to see the doctor about the state of his oropendola. That'd make him think.

AntiHop Thu 15-Jan-15 22:37:48

Very rude. It's rude to comment on other people's weight. He should keep his views to himself.

Kewcumber Thu 15-Jan-15 22:39:31

You're sadly mistaken if you think people don;t make rude comments about being overweight (bitter experience) but no YANBU - its rude to comment on someone elses weight.

MsJupiter Thu 15-Jan-15 22:51:52

I think it's off, yes.

Further to what other people have said, my observation/experience has been that when you are fat, strangers feel free to comment/hurl abuse but friends and acquaintances tend to avoid the subject, whereas when you are thin, strangers just accept you but friends etc like to pass comment.

Thumbwitch Thu 15-Jan-15 23:54:29

I was a very skinny teenager - people were quite happy to comment about that too! My mother kept suggesting I was anorexic (I was not) - which was really helpful of her hmm.

I think MsJupiter might be onto something there - it was only F&F who commented on my skinniness, not strangers. Although one saw fit to comment on the paleness of my skin once, on a beach in Portugal. Idiot!

SorchaN Fri 16-Jan-15 00:36:41

When I was thin I used to get lots of comments about my weight - people tended to indicate that they envied me, but I was quite uncomfortable about it. I just happened to be naturally slim until I developed a medical condition. I have friends who are slim and are addressed occasionally as 'skinny bitch'. It's so rude.

I'm now an average size and rarely get comments, but I think size-shaming is completely inappropriate in all circumstances. And I highly doubt that expressions of so-called concern for very slender people is likely to make any difference to anyone who has issues with food - except perhaps to make things worse.

YANBU.

Hatespiders Fri 16-Jan-15 17:36:40

When I was a girl I was terribly thin and had bandy legs, through rickets, into the bargain. I was called 'a Belsen horror' and Skinny, and asked where I'd left my horse (bandy legs - get it?) People joked that I ought to be careful I didn't fall through the cracks in the pavement. I found none of this funny and was mortified. I remember creeping along by the hedges going down the road hoping no-one would notice me. Personal remarks like this really hurt and people should have more sense. In my case, I wasn't being given enough food at home and was beaten regularly too, so this extra unkindness was just another cross to bear.
This man was an ignorant twat op.

editthis Sun 18-Jan-15 21:06:33

Yup, he was rude. But I have no doubt he would have said something if he thought you were fat - I'm a size 12 and I've been told I need to lose weight three times by strangers (all men). I'm sure you only think people wouldn't say that because you wouldn't yourself, and you're reasonable - and normal.

The difference, of course, is that mostly people don't think of it as a compliment, or as concern, when they tell a person they look lardy - whereas in some strange world they often think a woman would be over the moon to be told she was looking slender. hmm Some people just don't think at all.

editthis Sun 18-Jan-15 21:09:42

(Also, the "skinny bitch" comments - horrible as they are - tend to come from people who are genuinely jealous - whereas the fat ones never do. They are always coming from a place of smugness and self-satisfaction. That probably doesn't help, but it might be why people - including friends and family - think it's more acceptable...)

SolidGoldBrass Sun 18-Jan-15 21:11:06

A lot of people do think that it';s OK to comment on someone's thinness while they would not comment on someone's fatness (as thin is good - morally superior, sexy, shows self-control (or proper self-hatred, which all women should demonstrate) and 'healthy'). Some people, of course, are just rude and think that women need to be told what they look like all the time, because how they look is the only thing that matters.
The only time it's really acceptable to comment on someone else's weight is when you know that the person has been making efforts to lose - or gain - weight and is succeeding, in which case you know the comment will make the person happy.

weeblueberry Sun 18-Jan-15 21:34:12

It is bloody rude but people do comment on you when you're overweight too (or they feel you are):

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2285232--To-have-wanted-to-tell-this-man-to-f-k-off

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