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To be sad that so many children won't have a "family home" in the future?

(78 Posts)
MrsTawdry Thu 15-Jan-15 14:41:30

Or am I being overly sentimental about something which doesn't really matter?

I'm talking about the generation of families aged between 24 and 45 who can't afford to buy and are stuck in a cycle of private lets which don't often see out their children growing up.

I know that when my Mum was small in the 40s that renting was normal...no working class child that she knew had one home from birth to 18...it just didn't happen.

Then council housing was built on a large scale...and working class families COULD settle...I for one grew up from birth to 23 in the same council house on a lovely estate...and my Mum still lives there.

She and my Dad bought it...and that's where things started to go wrong isn't it? The Right To Buy has ensured that DH and I...we can't get a council house or housing association place as there are hardly any available ever...they've all been bought up.

...and rentals from private LLs are insecure...we can't afford to buy a private home...with a mortgage so have always rented.

My older Dd has lived in 4 homes...granted one of them was for 7 years...and to her that's home even though we had to leave last year when the owner needed to sell. She was 9 when we left.

We're moving abroad to DHs home country where we will be able to buy thanks to a gift from a relative...we could buy here but we both feel that we need to go now as his Dad is unwell.

However...DD1 is ten now...she won't be able to look back and say "That's where my home is..."

Or will she? Where will "home" be to her? confused And...does it matter?

FreckledLeopard Thu 15-Jan-15 14:46:45

My parents always owned their own homes, yet I lived in three different houses as a child (one up to the age of 5, one until 13 then one until 21). So I don't think I have ever really had a "family home". I now own my house, but DD has lived in seven houses since she was born (she's now 13), so I don't think she's had a "family home" either.

I can't say it bothers me (maybe because I never had it). I've always been somewhat nomadic and get itchy feet if I live anywhere too long!

JoanHickson Thu 15-Jan-15 14:46:56

It's all very complex. As you say does it matter? Redundancy and divorce mean many children don't stay in the same home.

StarsOfTrackAndField Thu 15-Jan-15 14:53:06

My parents still live in the same house that I lived in with them from the age of 8. i never liked living there and that house holds as many bad memories as it does good.

I don't and never have thought of it as a 'family home' as far as I am concerned it is about the quality of the relationships with the people who live in the house (which in my case was lacking at times) rather than the bricks and mortar.

BigCatFace Thu 15-Jan-15 14:55:58

It makes me sad too. We're about to have our first child and rent privately in London. We will NEVER afford to buy. We can't paint this place, there won't be any growth marks on the wall. After my dad died, I remember sitting in my granny's garden looking at the wall he'd scratched his name on as a child.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Thu 15-Jan-15 14:56:45

My folks don't live in the home I grew up in, but I think of their current house as the family home, because it is where they are.

EatShitDerek Thu 15-Jan-15 14:58:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlitzAndGigglesx Thu 15-Jan-15 15:00:19

By 18 I'd lived in 5 different homes - all council. It's near impossible now to get a council property

JoandMax Thu 15-Jan-15 15:01:30

I just think of where my parents live as the family home and I haven't lived in their last 3 houses! But I'm not a particularly sentimental person, a house is a house to me, its the people that make it a home and when they move so does the home.....

Baaaaaaaaaaaa Thu 15-Jan-15 15:02:55

Any forces child will (normally) move every two to three years. Most often not just from one house to another within the town, but from one end of the country to the other or, quite often to an entirely different country altogether.

Does it really matter?

Wll yes, it can do. There is no sense of family ties and no childhood longterm (into adulthood) friendships. Conversely, it does/can create independent, confident people who aren't afraud of change.

Each to their own I suppose.

Zara8 Thu 15-Jan-15 15:06:44

I moved countries a lot as a child. I don't think having a family home really matters as long as the family itself is happy and stable (Mine wasn't, sadly).

In this globalised age I personally think having independent thinkers who aren't afraid of change is a good thing. Feeling like you "need" to stay in one place because that's where your family is from could hold you back (while also being a good thing, of course).

NoLongerJustAShopGirl Thu 15-Jan-15 15:07:05

Never had a "family home" when I was younger - we were in tied housing as my dad was a whisky distiller, then when he left us we were homeless, then temporarily housed by the council - in a caravan, then a council house, then when I left to go to work, mum got moved to a smaller council house etc...

I own my own house now - mortgage free - it meant a lot to me, I am the only one of my family (going back at least 3 generations) to own a house. So my kids have always and still do - have a family home to grow up in.

NancyJones Thu 15-Jan-15 15:07:24

I'm not sure it's just to do with lots of people being unable to buy. We have always bought since finishing university 20yrs+ ago but always moved lots. Ds1 lived in 5 houses by 5yrs. DH likes to move. I can't believe I've managed to keep him in this house for 6yrs!

NancyJones Thu 15-Jan-15 15:09:25

Though strangely, he likes the idea of settling once the boys leave home. He will never downsize as he wants to have the 'family home' that they all come back to with partners and/or kids.

BarbarianMum Thu 15-Jan-15 15:10:26

I would support carefully considered reform of the private housing market to increase the supply of long-term rental opportunities. The difficulty is balancing security with flexibility for both parties.

Bonsoir Thu 15-Jan-15 15:12:58

I don't think it matters. In fact, I think it is not a good thing to live in one place when one is growing up: moving about broadens one's horizons and generates family projects.

squoosh Thu 15-Jan-15 15:25:07

I like knowing my parents still live in my childhood home and that they plan to to stay there for the rest of their lives. The day I leave that house for the last time will be a VERY sad day for me.

But other people will have no such sentimental attachment to a house. The people in it are the most important thing.

DixieNormas Thu 15-Jan-15 15:27:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Thu 15-Jan-15 15:29:52

My DD is 14 months and just about to move into her third house (private lets). The chances of us ever being able to buy are pretty slim. However my parents always owned their own home but I lived in 4 houses growing up, they liked to move a lot. They always up sized as soon as they can afford it. My parents divorced when I was 16 and I stayed with my dad (mum had an affair and moved out). My dad bought a new house when I was 18 and is still there so that's the closest to a family home I have as it's the longest he's lived anywhere, even though I moved out to go to uni at 18!

Cerisier Thu 15-Jan-15 15:35:46

DH moved house and school every two years due to his DF's job. He has enjoyed showing me all the houses over the past few years. My parents are still living in the house I was born in so his moving seems quite glamorous to me. DH can work out when things happened by which house he lived in at the time, whereas everything is a blur to me.

BikeRunSki Thu 15-Jan-15 15:39:07

My dad got I'll and had to stop working. On My 16th birthday my parents sold the house they'd bought on the day I was born. After dad died mum moved again. We don't have a family home, but it's never bothered me.

rumbelina Thu 15-Jan-15 15:42:13

I had lived in 8 houses by the time I was 15...parents moved a lot then separated and moved.

I can honestly say that each one felt like my family home. until evil stepmother moved in and spoilt it

StrawberryCheese Thu 15-Jan-15 15:51:04

I was a Forces child, I lived in 8 houses by the time I reached 18 and I can't remember the first 3 at all as I was so young. I don't have a 'family home' and I don't have a home town, it's just the place DM lives. I don't think I've missed out but then I don't know any different.

DH grew up in one house. His parents now own it outright but don't live in it as they moved abroad. FIL wants to sell it as they will never move back but MIL, DH and SIL kicked up a huge fuss saying he couldn't sell because it was the 'family home'. Bonkers! It's not a family home if nobody lives in it any more, it's just a house.

MrsGSR Thu 15-Jan-15 15:53:30

I lived in the same house from birth until 21. My dad still lives there and I don't think he'll ever move as most of his memories of my late mum are from there. As a kid I always thought moving house sounded very exciting, and it's only now that I appreciate having a family home.

My DH moved around loads as a kid and both his parents still rent now. He considers his home to be where his mum is. He considers his hometown to be in Devon where he lived from about 12.

My daughter (and any subsequent children) will be a forces kid until she's 11, and I do worry about her missing out on a family home. But both mine and DH's family live in a town in Devon (that we both consider to be our hometown), and we go to stay with her Grandparents regularly. We attend my dad's church when we're there, so I'm hoping she'll be able to have lifelong friends there. Hopefully we'll buy a home when she's 11 that she will consider her family home.

I've said a lot without any actual point... but there are a few different views!

morethanpotatoprints Thu 15-Jan-15 15:58:09

It is a shame because in many cases it can interfere with some of a childs security.
However, we have always been home owners and yet our older dc lived in 4 houses between birth and 13.
We have been settled now for nearly 14 years and we have dd who is 10 and always been here. We are considering moving next year to another area so she will be on her second home.

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