Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

AIBU?

to remove my sons middle name by deed poll

21 replies

bozo14 · 15/01/2015 11:37

I gave my son my dads name as a middle name but he hasnt bothered with us at all he only visited in the first 2 weeks and hes visit about twice in 9 months since, he never rings.
I just find it annoying now. What do you all think?

OP posts:

Report

Hesalovernotabiter · 15/01/2015 11:43

Did you register him less than a year ago? If you did, read the back of his 'short' birth certificate- could save you a lot of time doing deed poll papers

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/01/2015 11:46

If he's under one you don't need to do it by deed poll. I don't think UABU necessarily as I can see why it's annoying, just make sure you're not doing it as a knee jerk reaction because you're pissed off with him!

SakuraSakura · 15/01/2015 11:46

Do if you like. I have my bio (nc) father's name as my middle, wouldn't mind removing it myself.

bozo14 · 15/01/2015 11:47

Ooo thank you.

off to read the short birth certificate

OP posts:

UriGeller · 15/01/2015 11:52

I did this with my eldest, He had his dads first and surname (which he muscled in very pigheadedly during the registration) in between his proper names but with my (thank god) surname.

I had to do it by deed poll but was really easy, I was given a few extra stamped copies to give to the gp and for his passport and other legal bits and obviously once he was grown up I gave him all the paperwork so he could make his own mind up whether to change it back. Seeing as he hadn't had any contact with his dad since he was a toddler, he wasn't interested in having a strangers name so he's kept it as it was meant to be.

But yes, its a lot more straightforward if your ds is under a year old.

Nolim · 15/01/2015 12:11

There was a recent thread on a mother wanting to change her kids surname because their father was out of the picture:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2282264-To-remove-my-exs-name-from-my-childrens

Op You say you find the name annoying because it is his father. Is that really a good reason? If it is possible to change the birth certificate itself then that would definitelly make things easier for your son, but dont do it just because you are upset with your ex.

FightOrFlight · 15/01/2015 12:13

Nolim It's the OP's father's name, not the child

Nolim · 15/01/2015 12:16

Oh i am sorry i misunderstood.
However my opinion stands: are you changing his name because your father pisses you off?

ChocLover2015 · 15/01/2015 12:18

I think it would be a very childish thing to do

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 15/01/2015 12:22

If he's under one, you just amend - they send you a new birth certificate. Easy. Call the registry office and they'll send you a form.

Why did you give the middle name? If you liked it and liked the connection and it was YOUR choice, think twice. Also, if you're generally on good terms with your dad and this is a blip/argument, think twice! Don't have a knee-jerk reaction - it's a permanent change and could damage your relationship with your father.

On the other hand, if your dad is generally disengaged, selfish and not really much in your lives but popped up for long enough to nag/guilt you into giving his name to the baby and has now returned to form - then yes damn well change it!

drbonnieblossman · 15/01/2015 12:22

yabu. If your father was so fickle and you award names on a frequency of visit basis, you should have thought more about it at the time. It's a petty thing to do, changing it be caused you're pissed off. It's your child's name now, and unless he had a monopoly on it, there will doubtless be thousands of people with the same name.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 15/01/2015 12:22

Oh and you don't have to just remove it - you can change it to something else.

2rebecca · 15/01/2015 12:25

This is an example of why you shouldn't choose middle names with meaning. Having a huff with someone shouldn't make you want to change your child's name.

TheFairyCaravan · 15/01/2015 12:25

How many time have you visited him, and how often do you ring your dad?

I think you'd be really childish to do it, tbh.

bozo14 · 15/01/2015 12:42

It was my hubbys idea to give him the middle name. I wasnt too bothered about a middle name tbh.

I have visited my dad but every time has been in the pub and i dont want my son brought up in the pub so ive stopped now. We even went to see them in hunstanton where they have a caravan and instead of them coming round the shops to see us and going for lunch they stayed in the pub the whole time.

Basically he only has time for the pub. Im not annoyed with my dad as such i just dont see the point in the middle name and think he would he better off without it. My dad wouldnt even notice if he doesnt have it.

I invited my dad and his family over for xmas dinner and he watched the racing and didnt engage and wanted to rush back to the pub.

If theres no effort why should he be remembered this way when hes not family orientated at all...

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 15/01/2015 12:48

I wouldn't bother changing it ,just don't use it - I can't imagine why you thought your dad would change his behaviour ie his love of the pub because you had a baby - your reasons do sound a bit pathetic .

StarsOfTrackAndField · 15/01/2015 13:07

If he had been violent or abusive to you your child or your husband then YWNBU.

If he had been convicted of a serious criminal offence and you didn't want your son tainted by association, YWNBU.

However his sole 'crime' is that he isn't as fussed by your baby as you are. Other people's children really aren't that interesting to other people until they can move about a bit and talk.

As far as I can make out, he is just living the life he lived before your child was born and your response is to 'punish' him by removing his name from the birth certificate, which just seems pity.

StarsOfTrackAndField · 15/01/2015 13:08

pity = petty.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 15/01/2015 13:14

Ds has his (useless) father's name, but ds has 2 middle names (the last being his father's name) and he chooses not to use it. A lot of people don't use middle names so I don't think it really matters, I can see why it's the principle of it though.

Zanzibaragain · 15/01/2015 13:23

I think middle names / initials are very useful in an Internet age. Think how useful it could be in the future in a world of John Smiths an extra name/ initial makes an online identity, email easier.

YackityUnderTheMistletoe · 15/01/2015 13:37

You chose the name for him, rather than because you happened to like the name.

Go ahead and change it, but rather than no middle name, come up with a name you like for its own sake.

I have no middle name, and it's as annoying as all fuck.

Compensated and gave my DSs 2!

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.