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AIBU to feel that my friend gossips and runs me down to others behind my back?

(13 Posts)
SoleSource Thu 15-Jan-15 00:35:17

My friend runs down her friends to me behind my back, a lot! I feel she must do the same about me too.
AIBU to feel this?

SoleSource Thu 15-Jan-15 00:35:51

their backs not my

cheeseandfickle Thu 15-Jan-15 00:38:43

If she's doing it about others to you then yes, chances are she runs you down behind your back too. I have found from experience that it is generally the case. Is she a close friend?

SoleSource Thu 15-Jan-15 00:41:05

Yes, she is a close friend. I dread to think what she says. I'm no perfect but she can be petty bad difficult. She constantly runs people down and I feel I am unable to ignore my gut feelings about this.


Birdsgottafly Thu 15-Jan-15 00:43:16

I couldn't be good friends with someone who was overly judgemental and negative, whether it was about me or not.

What's she like to be around? She doesn't sound like a bundle of laughs, or a positive person that will make you feel better.

cheeseandfickle Thu 15-Jan-15 00:44:04

Do you have any mutual friends that you could ask if she has said anything about you?

Or if you don't feel that you can do that then I'd be looking to distance myself from her.

I have a friend who gossips and runs everyone down, so about 5 years ago I made a conscious effort to distance myself from her a bit, and to tell her less about myself and my life, so she had less gossip fodder.

cheeseandfickle Thu 15-Jan-15 00:45:13

And yes birdsgottafly has a good point about not wanting to be friends with someone judgemental and negative.

It's quite draining to have to listen to a friend bitching about others all the time. Not much fun at all.

SoleSource Thu 15-Jan-15 00:47:58

Flexible as in not fussy about where we go etc, she enjoys same social activities as I do. Can be fun. She had a terrible childhood and is damaged by it. Kind, generous but constantly runs down other people and leaves me feeling drained more often these days. She is my only friend. I also feel she only wants me when there is nobody else.

cheeseandfickle Thu 15-Jan-15 00:50:09

It'd probably be a good idea to try to branch out and make some new friends and acquaintances, so that you can spend less time with her.

SoleSource Thu 15-Jan-15 00:51:01

If I did ask her friends what sheets had said about me, I feel the wouldn't tell me but tell her I had asked. Her friends are an alcoholic, a Lady that sleeps all day and has depression and the have a very odd friendship.

SoleSource Thu 15-Jan-15 00:51:57

I feel she is changing me for the worst.

cheeseandfickle Thu 15-Jan-15 00:53:06

Sounds like you really need to distance yourself, try to meet new people, maybe take up a new hobby if possible.

You deserve better than someone who is bitching about you behind your back!

Birdsgottafly Thu 15-Jan-15 01:09:56

""and leaves me feeling drained more often these days""

You're probably going to have to get to a point were you decide if she's making you feel as bad as having no friends would (if she is your only friend at that time).

That's always a tough decision, thanks to a complicated relationship breakup, I'm actually friendless at the moment.

It isn't easy to make friends as an adult, people think your strange if you don't have a wide friendship circle.

I've gently challenged friends, when they've become overly negative (most people go through hardships and it affects them), it's not good for the individual to be that way.

It sounds as though no-one would take her seriously, so I wouldn't worry about what she says.

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