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To wish he would just call his children?

(5 Posts)
momb Wed 14-Jan-15 23:52:56

15YO doesn't care, but 10YO really does. He lives less than 15 mins away. Saw them 5 times last year and I did drop off/pick up. He's supposed to call them once each week and remembered only 9 times last year.
Last night, 40 mins after the call was overdue ED sent him a text asking him to call as YD upset.
He hasn't done it.
Phone rang at 6.45 tonight and YD said 'I hope it isn't him.' Although I know she doesn't mean it. Of course it wasn't.
TBH our lives would be simpler if he just disappeared but he is their father and I facilitate/change plans whenever he does surface and ask to see them. Why won't he just call when asked?

Floundering Thu 15-Jan-15 00:00:22

Don't set the children up for disappointment, if he rings great they can enjoy a chat but if he doesn't & they're not expecting it then it (hopefully) won't be a big thing.

You have done all you can to be reasonable it seems to me but if he can't be bothered then why do all the running? If he has to make more of an effort then as you say e might disappear, hurtful but probably less so in the long run .

Birdsgottafly Thu 15-Jan-15 03:26:23

""I facilitate/change plans whenever he does surface and ask to see them.""

He's had his chance and not stuck to the agreement, so it ends.

You need to realise the effect of him not really having an interest in his children, is having on them and take control of this situation by cutting contact.

This will effect the self esteem/worth of your youngest.

You need to put their needs in front of his wants.

"Why won't he call his children?"

Because he doesn't care about them, at all. He is a selfish scum bag.

Coyoacan Thu 15-Jan-15 03:36:44

Bird has a point, OP. My ex was a great one for making empty promises so I learnt to teach my dd to be a bit cynical about him, for her own sake.

It's subtle and it's just short of bad-mouthing their father. I'm sure I didn't always walk this fine line properly but my dd has actually managed to get a good friendship going with her father now she is an adult, so I think I managed it.

MiddleAgedandConfused Thu 15-Jan-15 07:55:22

Birdsgottafly - sounds like the kids really want contact so stopping it would not be helpful.

I think it is a good idea to let the kids know that they are being reasonable to be upset.

I agree you need to start reducing their expectations gently. In our house it is FIL who makes promises, doesn't deliver, lets the kids down so I just joke about how busy he is. When he says he will do something, I say that's great but then tell the kids not to get their hopes up. If you set low expectations, anything he does after that is a bonus.
But they will be learning this already. Just carry on being supportive.

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