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To wonder if I'm the only person who refuses to tolerate bullies?

(90 Posts)
cheeseandfickle Wed 14-Jan-15 22:51:51

If I come across anyone who seems to be a bullying, nasty type then I either have nothing to do with them, or have a very minimal amount of contact with them, eg just say hello to them if I see them in the street.

It just never ceases to amaze me how many grown adults seem happy to tolerate bullies and to be spoken to like crap by them.

A woman that I went to school with, who was a complete bully at school, is on my Facebook friends and from the looks of it hasn't changed one bit and is still bullying and controlling people. I have noticed through reading her Facebook statuses that she has around 4 or 5 women that seem totally bullied by her. She speaks to them like dirt, and does things like bitch about them on a Facebook status if they are 5 minutes late to meet her, hence them being all apologetic and grovelly when they reply. She is also very mickey-taking towards them all, but not in a fun, affectionate way, but more of a serious, bullying way.

There is also a mum at my childrens' school who is also a total bully; I've seen her shout at other parents on several occasions as their child has fallen out with her child that day at school. She is also very vocal and nasty about mums that she doesn't like, and talks about them loudly when we are all waiting to collect her children. One morning when our DCs had just started school I accidently brushed past her in the cloakroom and got a mouthful of abuse, and so since then I have just blanked her and had nothing to do with her. Yet loads of other mums still seem desperate to be her best buddy despite witnessing her behaviour. I know they are probably scared she'll start on them but I seriously cannot understand why grown women would be so terrified of someone like her?

Am I the only person who just has zero tolerance for bullies?

ghostyslovesheep Wed 14-Jan-15 22:54:55

I don't really encounter them as an adult

but i wouldn't put up with it if i did

RaggyAnnie Wed 14-Jan-15 22:55:18

Zero tolerance yet you are friends with her on Facebook?

BuffytheReasonableFeminist Wed 14-Jan-15 22:56:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheeseandfickle Wed 14-Jan-15 22:56:17

I must be a bully-magnet as I've probably encountered 5 or 6 bullies in the past few years!

usualsuspect333 Wed 14-Jan-15 22:56:44

Why are you FB friends with her?

EatShitDerek Wed 14-Jan-15 22:56:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheeseandfickle Wed 14-Jan-15 22:56:55

She's on my friends list but I don't interact with her in any way Raggy

echt Wed 14-Jan-15 22:58:22

Surely zero tolerance means you actually call them on it?

usualsuspect333 Wed 14-Jan-15 22:58:46

I think you should block her on FB if you are all zero tolerance.

cheeseandfickle Wed 14-Jan-15 22:59:56

Not necessarily, echt. It means not fawning over the bully and being all nice and polite to them even though they behave appallingly.

Usualsuspect, yes I probably should delete and block her

cheeseandfickle Wed 14-Jan-15 23:00:27

Those of you that have replied with arsey replies, do you tolerate bullying then?

usualsuspect333 Wed 14-Jan-15 23:01:33

No I don't tolerate bullying. I don't add them on FB either.

kewtogetin Wed 14-Jan-15 23:01:41

Christ, where do you live?! I have literally never come across people you are describing. Not at school, university, or in my personal and professional lives. I think you may be overthinking this, why would you get a mouthful of abuse for 'brushing past' someone? There must be more to it, you get back what you give out etc etc.

ilovesooty Wed 14-Jan-15 23:02:02

I'm another who doesn't understand why she'son your FB friends list - unless you're monitoring her behaviour, which indicates to me you're more invested in the situation than you think you are.

cheeseandfickle Wed 14-Jan-15 23:02:49

kew I most certainly don't give out any nastiness. Far from it. Believe me, this woman is very prickly and troublemaking....

HolyTerror Wed 14-Jan-15 23:02:55

I agree that 'zero tolerance for bullies' implies that you actively call out bullies on their bad behaviour, not simply fail to be friendly to people you perceive to be bullies.

KirjavaTheCat Wed 14-Jan-15 23:04:47

I'd agree that 'zero tolerance' would be taking a stand and not just staying out of their way, except on facebook (where you can take your stand back and watch approach even further).

FightOrFlight Wed 14-Jan-15 23:04:53

Zero tolerance yet you are friends with her on Facebook?

YY!

OP you talk crap. End of thread. <bangs gavel>

kewtogetin Wed 14-Jan-15 23:05:25

If this woman is hurling abuse at you in the school corridors and at other mums in the playground then why don't you tell the head and let them deal with it or, like others have suggested, confront her?

GraysAnalogy Wed 14-Jan-15 23:06:59

I don't get how you have zero tolerance?

I have zero tolerance for bullies. But that means I go out of my way to either stick up for people or tell the bullies to stfu. I defo wouldn't have them on my facebook. I'd have the rage.

cheeseandfickle Wed 14-Jan-15 23:07:41

I have told the headteacher and I did tell her when she hurled abuse at me that there was no need for that behaviour. I didn't just put my tail between my legs and scurry off!

KirjavaTheCat Wed 14-Jan-15 23:08:22

Do you actually mean you have zero tolerance for letting people bully you?

cheeseandfickle Wed 14-Jan-15 23:08:58

Typical AIBU style; on person picks up on the FB thing and then everyone else piles on to be nasty without even reading my OP properly...

And thanks FightorFlight, you sound really lovely... hmm

RaggyAnnie Wed 14-Jan-15 23:09:15

She sounds unpleasant so I struggle to see what benefit you get from having her as a facebook friend. Unfortunately this is exactly how bullies operate, they tend to pick on those they perceive as weaker or less likely to fight back so they continue to get away with it.

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