Hello, please be gentle, feeling upset and need some advice. ??I had a pretty personal form of cosmetic surgery carried out this summer for medical reasons and told two of my close friends. At the time, I stressed that I hadn’t told anyone else, nor was I intending to, and asked them to both be discreet about it and not mention it to anyone else. (I know, I know, rather naive, but they’re both old friends who I thought I could trust.)
?One friend has been brilliant and as far as I’m aware has totally kept it to herself and been really supportive. The other friend (I’ll call her ‘B’) has now brought up the subject twice with my partner in front of other people. (Both times I haven’t been present). The first time, fortunately, no-one realised what she was referring to and my partner managed to change the conversation pretty quickly.
??The second time happened earlier this week when they both attended the same event - B brought up the subject with my partner in front of her colleague - who now knows exactly what I had done. The colleague isn’t someone I know at all or have ever met, but she will know colleagues of mine and we may well meet in the future through work, so I’m pretty unhappy about her knowing such a personal piece of information. This only came to light because B referenced the conversation in a text this morning, and I specifically asked my partner whether it had taken place in front of anyone else. (B lives in a different city so I haven’t actually seen her since the op took place). ??I’m deeply regretting telling my friend, and feel that I’d like to contact her to specifically ask not to bring up the operation in front of other people.
I don’t think the issue is her lack of discretion necessarily, but rather a disparity in our ideas about what it entails! So I think I need to be pretty clear about the boundaries lie. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she starts bringing it up in front of other friends and acquaintances and word starts getting around.
However, my partner feels that if I do this, that’ll be the end of their friendship, as he’s effectively ‘dobbed her in’. ??DP thinks that I shouldn’t have told her in the first place and that I can’t ‘police information’ once I’ve given it out. I think I should be able to remind someone that if I’ve told them something private, it needs to stay private! AIBU? And how do I send B a message that somehow doesn’t land DP in the brown smelly stuff, whilst still making it clear that I really don’t want the subject discussed in front of other people? Any help or thoughts would be really helpful right now.
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AIBU?
Help! Indiscreet friend, what to do?
16 replies
martianmoo · 13/01/2015 22:57
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martianmoo ·
14/01/2015 08:50
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