Friends not paying me money owed - AIBU

[BingBong36]

Went to a very expensive bar 2 months ago and I put my card behind the bar for drinks to run a tab with the intention of splitting the bill between all of us at the end.

This bar was a pre-Christmas treat a close group of girlfriends.

2 of the girls left early and said they would transfer any money owed, I said that was fine. So I paid an extra 40.00.

I txt them the following day saying they owe 20.00 each and added my bank details.

2 months have past and they haven't paid me do I sent them both a txt explaining I am short this month as it is January and would really appreciate the money. I am actually very skint and could really do with this money!

One friend replied last week saying it was fine and transferred the money, the other girl didn't even txt me back!!!!

I know it's only 40.00 but I feel it's so so rude esp as she had just ignored my text , I am really shocked !! Husband said just to let it go and not ask again, I shouldn't have to ask more than twice!!

I want to txt again next week asking uf she got my 2 txt messages AIBU to do that or shall I write it off???

[DeliciousMonster]

Don't text - ask face to face or call her.

Don't let it lie - why should you be out of pocket?

[sliceofsoup]

No you shouldn't have to ask again, but the only person who loses out if you don't ask again is you. Maybe she is skint too as its January, but she should at least tell you when she is able to give you the money.

[BingBong36]

Thing is, I know they are not skint they have more than enough, which is what is winding me up even more!

[jusdepamplemousse]

Just call and ask again. Even if she can't pay she needs to let you know that!

[rookiemere]

I'd text her on a weekly basis until a) she either gives you the money or b) there is another night out. If there is then that's your opportunity to say oh X owes me £20 so she can pay for me.

Annoying though, I hate being in debt to anyone and I agree you shouldn't have to chase your own money from friends, asking once should be enough.

[paperlace]

Rightly or wrongly, I would just let it go. Not in a 'forgive and forget' way, just because life's too short and you are clearly not going to get it out of her!

[BingBong36]

I don't want her to think I'm being petty by keep asking, but it's really disappointed me as I really like her and I'm so surprised!!

I'm not very good at just letting things go, and I genuinely need the money but I don't want to be a pest. I don't like having been out in this position!

[AmantesSuntAmentes]

I agree with asking face to face or at least over the phone. She won't be able to dismiss it so easily but texts could just go on and on, without resolution.

[Nolim]

I say call. If your so called friend does not answer or dismisses you then write off both debt and friend.

[Dafspunk]

I would contact her again and highlight that you've received the money from other friend (hopefully shame her a bit) but not from her so could she please pay up! I always add 'so I don't need to hassle you again' to let them know that I'm not going to give up. Good luck - it's soooooooo annoying being owed cash, especially when you made the effort to make it simple for everyone by putting your card behind the bar. I always ask myself afterwards, why did I do that? - I should have just let someone else. But I never learn!

[CleanLinesSharpEdges]

Phone or face to face. It's too easy to dodge a text or claim to have not received it.

[BingBong36]

Thanks all, I think I'll give it another week and them ask her again, so awkward!!

Thanks all

[FreeWee]

She might genuinely have a lot on and forgot. Or she might have forgotten her online log in details and hasn't got time at the moment to reset it. All are valid reasons for the money not appearing but not good enough to let her get away with it completely. I would text her again and say you're a bit short this month can she send by X date. Then if she doesn't by that date you can call her and ask if she's taking the piss.

[ghostspirit]

put it down to experience and dont do it again... if i lend someone money and they dont give it back i never lend it again. who gos to a bar with no money :/

[BingBong36]

Thanks all, it's all very surprising as this girl has money... Lots oh holidays a year , nice clothes, cars etc I've seen on Facebook she has been out to lots of extravagant places, meanwhile I'm scraping the pennies this month!

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

If you got £20 back then you are not £40 down but £20. Next time you see her ask but otherwise assume she's not going to pay. Shame if she thinks your friendship is worth less than £20.

[FightOrFlight]

I'd phone and say you were just checking she has used the correct bank details as the money she owes doesn't seem to have been credited to your account. Offer to pop round and pick up the money in cash if it's easier for her.

If she still doesn't pay, then next time you are invited out by friends say you are not sure you can afford to as XYZ still hasn't paid what she owes from last time so money is a bit tight. I am an enthusiastic advocate of name and shame if someone is trying to rip me off.

[Littlef00t]

As the nice person, you're feeling awkward and possibly worrying about damaging a friendship by nagging, don't forget actually she's the one doing that by not paying the money back and ignoring your texts.

I'd keep at her until she pays it back, you need it, she can afford it.

[BingBong36]

Good idea re checking she has the right bank details, maybe I'll try that!

[Viviennemary]

You could try texting again. But I think I would phone her up and tell her she owes you this money and can she pay it back please. She's the one in the wrong. Not you.