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AIBU to confront my boss about this

(105 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

disgustedemployee Tue 13-Jan-15 09:55:25

Hi all, I have name changed.

Long story short, I have been a PA in a firm of three people (me and my two bosses) for nearly a year. One of my bosses (we will call him A) was having a conversation with me yesterday and I started talking about how we are renovating our house at the moment and how I am worried whether we will finish within budget as things always cost more than you think.

Anyway, he then said to me "I know I shouldn't say this but I want to help you out so I want you to wear hold ups at work and I will give you £100 a week tax free if you do. You don't have to wear them to and from work, you can change into them here. I also won't pressure you to say yes to this but it would cheer me up and give me something to look forward to. Oh, and I would also want to see the tops of them. I could just give you the money but that wouldn't be right."

I was so shocked and taken aback that I just kind of said "no way in a million years" and left the room.

I stewed on it all night (and got more and more angry) and told my husband this morning. He didn't want me to come in today but I feel that I have to confront him about it.

What would you do in this situation?

Fudgeface123 Tue 13-Jan-15 09:58:35

What a disgusting pig. What do you think your other boss would say if you told him?

TheWitTank Tue 13-Jan-15 09:58:48

Fucking hell! That's awful! I presume being a small firm you don't have any hr department or union?

LaurieFairyCake Tue 13-Jan-15 09:59:42

I'd complain to HR obviously and leave. And pursue a settlement for sexual harassment/constructive dismissal

Have you posted before ?

disgustedemployee Tue 13-Jan-15 09:59:48

I'm not sure - I think I might ask my other boss today if there have been any other complaints from past employees.

whereisthewitch Tue 13-Jan-15 10:00:53

There's bound to be an independent agency this can be reported to. What a slime ball!

disgustedemployee Tue 13-Jan-15 10:01:06

Hi TheWit and Laurie, we don't have a HR department as there is only three people and the two bosses actually own the company.

I have posted before but only in response to others. This is my first thread really.

BathshebaDarkstone Tue 13-Jan-15 10:01:30

shockDo people still do this? Definitely confront him.

wishmiplass Tue 13-Jan-15 10:03:18

I wouldn't ask your other boss (potentially giving Boss A the heads up). I wouldn't go in either, but would get on the phone to ACAS and take it from there. If you're in already, stop mning (they could use this against you).

EBearhug Tue 13-Jan-15 10:03:19

It doesn't matter if previous employees have complained - he may not have harassed previous employees in the same way, and if he did, they nay have left without complaining.

Please take note of any similar comments, and do complain.

IAmAPaleontologist Tue 13-Jan-15 10:05:48

I wouldn't go back to him, that isn't something that needs to be hushed up. Who else can you go to?

WhatchaMaCalllit Tue 13-Jan-15 10:06:11

What I would do is the following (unless there was someone else around who could verify what was said to you yesterday):
Go into his office with my phone recording what is going to be said (so pop it into your pocket).
Say to your boss that you weren't sure you heard him right yesterday and just to make sure he did offer to pay you to wear holdups and to be able to see them (which would mean very short skirts).
Then say to him "I'll see what I can do".

Walk out of the office. Stop recording the conversation and proceed directly to an employment solicitor where you can play the conversation to them.

disgustedemployee Tue 13-Jan-15 10:07:42

Thank you all for your comments (and for posting the ACAS link TheWit). I will talk to him today and make it clear exactly how I feel about it. I will let you all know later how it goes confused

Nomama Tue 13-Jan-15 10:10:23

Meanwhile, in the real world, where OP would be afraid of losing her job...

There is a fine line to walk here. That man needs to be reprimanded for his utterly outrageous behaviour. But OP needs to keep her job. She knows her company and the men best so I can only assume that she feels comfortable, in the absence of HR, talking to the other boss and sounding him out.

What she does after that will depend entirely upon his response.

Good luck with that chat. Hopefully you can get something sorted so that you can feel safe at work.

TheWitTank Tue 13-Jan-15 10:12:50

flowers good luck op.

prettywhiteguitar Tue 13-Jan-15 10:14:01

What a prick, I like the fact he instead of suggesting legitimate work you can do to earn money it's basically sex work for him.

What a charmer, I'd start looking to move elsewhere

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt Tue 13-Jan-15 10:14:29


disgustedemployee Tue 13-Jan-15 10:14:44

Thank you Nomama, it's a difficult situation to be in. I definitely won't be pursuing law suits or anything like that but he does need to be told. Hopefully this will be the end of it and he will feel bad enough about it to never say anything like that again.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt Tue 13-Jan-15 10:15:18

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

disgustedemployee Tue 13-Jan-15 10:15:57

Haha, that's what I thought prettywhite! He could have literally suggested anything for me to do (staying late and cleaning etc) but nope, straight to the sordid stuff.

Very very weird.

disgustedemployee Tue 13-Jan-15 10:16:49

What do you mean Gilbert? Trust me, this happened yesterday afternoon and I feel horrible and used. Presuming i'm making this up is actually quite hurtful.

CrystalHaze Tue 13-Jan-15 10:18:12

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt Tue 13-Jan-15 10:19:37

If I'm wrong, then I apologise.
But I don't think it sounds likely. Maybe I've become too cynical.

disgustedemployee Tue 13-Jan-15 10:22:53

Ok, you're entitled to your opinion Crystal but it's true. These things do actually happen and it's horrible and makes you feel dirty. I came on here for some advice about how to pursue this but instead I am met with skepticism.

wishmiplass Tue 13-Jan-15 10:23:57

I'd go formal, but that's just me. No job is worth being sexually harrassed for (and it's illegal). Automatic constructive dismissal I think.

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