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to wonder wtaf?? guy who said he didn't want relationship now on dating site?!

(66 Posts)
textfan Tue 13-Jan-15 01:51:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blackout234 Tue 13-Jan-15 01:53:29

I wouldnt ask him you risk looking desperate... i think he meant "i dont want a relationship... with you.." sorry

AlpacaMyBags Tue 13-Jan-15 01:53:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 13-Jan-15 01:55:21

We wants a shag but knows that women probably won't reply in their droves unless he puts 'wants a relationship'. Either that or he's just not that into you. Either way, don't confront. What on earth do you have to gain?

BlinkAndMiss Tue 13-Jan-15 01:55:55

As hurtful as it is, I'd leave it. He obviously has used a terrible way to end things with you and has been very cowardly about it rather than being honest. Maybe he just didn't feel that things were right between you or that the relationship had the future he imagined? Even if he led you to believe that things were fine.

Don't give him the satisfaction, let him be someone else's problem instead and take the dignified approach by not confronting him.

I hope you feel better soon.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 13-Jan-15 01:55:59

<snigger> * HE wants a shag. Not WE. Well, maybe we do but not right now grin

JustAScreenName Tue 13-Jan-15 01:59:04

That does sound really hurtful, I'm sorry you got such an unpleasant shock sad .

I don't think you should contact him. In the nicest possible way, it probably just means that more than a fwb thing isn't what he was looking for... with you. I know that sucks, but at least he didn't string you along if he wasn't interested, once he knew that you were. It's fair enough for him to go and try to find someone he does want a relationship with.

It does not mean that you weren't good enough. It doesn't even mean that he thinks your not 'good enough', it just means that he doesn't think you're the right person for him to have a more serious relationship with. That doesn't make it easier when you have feelings for him. But the extent of his interest in a relationship with you has fuck all to do with your worth. Sometimes there just isn't the right connection.

JustAScreenName Tue 13-Jan-15 02:00:28

*you're

bozo14 Tue 13-Jan-15 02:00:47

What MrsTerry said.

textfan Tue 13-Jan-15 02:12:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blackout234 Tue 13-Jan-15 02:16:28

what is this deal breaker? if its "I dont want to see someone with children" then hes well within his rights to say that, however i can't really see how he can say that to you without hurting your feelings so i think he tried to lie to make you not feel as bad (Still not right by any means) just let it be, otherwise you will look desperate

ElectraInExcelsis Tue 13-Jan-15 02:20:39

Usually, men who don't want to be with someone who has children are not too keen on children generally, in my experience. So my feeling is that long term it would never work out anyway. I wouldn't want to subject my children to that.

ElectraInExcelsis Tue 13-Jan-15 02:24:07

Lots of men join dating sites just to get sex. You only have to read the dating threads on here sad

Saying they want a relationship means nothing. Women on dating sites tend to give men a wide berth if it's obvious they just want sex.

This is not your problem, op and it does not mean you are undesirable. It sounds like maybe this guy has got under your skin a bit. But there will be someone out there for you who truly deserves you. So cut contact and try to move on.

AmantesSuntAmentes Tue 13-Jan-15 02:24:46

The thing is, he has been honest, with you at least, regarding fwb being all he was into at the time. Rather than string you along when you changed your mind, he let you go. He's free to do what he wants now so he really owes you no explanation.

textfan Tue 13-Jan-15 03:31:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JapaneseMargaret Tue 13-Jan-15 03:44:04

He doesn't necessarily want a relationship; he's just saying that to get sex.

Please don't contact him for answers, it will do your self-esteem no end of trouble. flowers

Honestly, it sounds trite but it's utterly true. It's not you, it's him.

Minerves Tue 13-Jan-15 03:46:35

he doesn't want a relatioship with you

move on

FlatCapAndAWhippet Tue 13-Jan-15 03:53:57

You aren't the person he wants the relationship with.

Don't contact him, it smacks of desperation.

Sorry. flowers

AcrossthePond55 Tue 13-Jan-15 04:01:12

PPs are correct. FWB is exactly what it implies, sex with no strings, no emotional attachment. There was nothing wrong with you wanting more with him, just as there's nothing wrong with him not wanting more with you. It doesn't reflect badly on you at all. You just wanted different things from each other. He (and/or you) must have felt that after you wanted to take things further and he didn't, that your FWB arrangement needed to end, which was a wise decision.

I think many women go into FWB thinking that it may turn in to 'something'. Not that they intend for it to, just that they're open to the possibility. Most men go into it thinking it won't turn in to anything so they're not open to any possibilities.

As far as his being on a dating site, he either is looking to get laid and using 'I want a relationship' to get a girl to date him or he IS ready for a relationship, but you aren't what he is looking for long term. Neither is a reflection on you. There's nothing wrong with not being someone's 'type'.

textfan Tue 13-Jan-15 04:21:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 13-Jan-15 04:34:49

Well moving on is a whole other thread! grin

It just takes time, sometimes lots of it. Try to keep yourself busy and distracted. Block any social media links to him, don't look at his dating profile. No contact, period. In time, you will heal.

JessieMcJessie Tue 13-Jan-15 06:15:55

In terms of asking what the problem was, it really would not do you any good anyway because he has been clear that whatever it is, he has made his decision to end it. so you won't be able to change his mind by knowing.

And since each relationship is different, whetever he says won't help you in future relationships with other people.

You're just in that difficult breakup time when you feel like you have to know why but, unfortunately, he doesn't have to give you a reason.

I was once the dumper, the guy went on and on at me to explain exactly why. You know what? He would have been really hurt to know exactly how much and why I didn't want to be with him. It was kinder just to break contact and not discuss any more.

textfan Tue 13-Jan-15 06:43:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spacepoppy Tue 13-Jan-15 07:01:10

He's just not that into you, neither you or he have been unreasonable, just draw a line and move on!

youareallbonkers Tue 13-Jan-15 07:11:57

Don't try to kid yourself that you were vague and he's dying to have a relationship with you. If he wanted to, he would. Forgt him, plenty more out there

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