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Dh going away for stag weekend

(123 Posts)
ihbu Mon 12-Jan-15 14:41:02

Pleas go easy on me, first Aibu (long time poster but have nc'd as sil knows my nn)

Dh has just announced that he is going away for 3 days next month with his mates on a stag weekend. This weekend is going to cost £250.
I am currently on mat leave with a 7 month old and am 6 weeks PG with second dc. I have some anxiety issues and cannot cope with being home alone overnight. I had hg starting at 8-10 weeks in all previous pregnancies (2 mc before 12 weeks) and could hardly get out of bed some days. We also have two dogs which I struggle to walk when I am on my own with Ds as they are both quite strong and I cannot manage with both of them and the buggy.

A while ago dh mentioned that a friend had invited him on this expensive stag weekend but he wasn't keen on going as he wasn't that good friends with the stag (same social circle but only saw each other once or twice a year at social events). He also said that he didn't think we would be able to afford it as we are on a very tight budget and have had to sacrifice luxuries to pay the bills.
Anyway, yesterday dh mentioned that he was looking forward to going to a friends stag do next month. After some questions it turns out he has been planning all along to go on this friends stag do without discussing it first as in his words "I knew you would say we can't afford it and you don't want me to leave you for that long"
Aibu to be extremely annoyed by this? If dh had mentioned at the time that he really wanted to go then I would have asked a close friend to stay with me for the weekend and would have gone careful with spending over Xmas to ensure we had enough to cover stag do (not that we would be able to afford it then but I would not have made dh miss out) .
I have told dh that I am really unhappy with how he has just assumed I will manage at home for 3 days by myself (too late to ask close friends to stay as one is away and other will need more notice to book time off work. No family on my side to ask) and that this now means we will not be able to afford to go away as a family this year. He thinks I am being selfish and stopping him from seeing his friends.
Am I being selfish or is he?
(Normally a very good relationship, no other issues or big disagreements apart from this.

ihbu Mon 12-Jan-15 14:43:11

Sorry for the long post! Tried to include as much as poss so as not to drip feed

MinceSpy Mon 12-Jan-15 14:45:49

So he's spending �250 of money the family doesn't have and leaving his pregnant wife with a seven month old baby and anxiety issues. He's selfish and you have deep relationship issues. How does he feel about you getting pregnant so soon after the first baby?

TiggerLillies Mon 12-Jan-15 14:47:36

I was already to say YABU, but that dishonesty and attitude just shows complete disrespect and contempt to you. I'd not be happy and no yanbu.

loopylou6 Mon 12-Jan-15 14:48:09

ya SO nbu shock that is disgusting behaviour, I'll get a good flaming for this, but I'd be telling him he better cancel. What a complete lack of respect to you, and the sneaky sly way hes gone about it too

Royalsighness Mon 12-Jan-15 14:50:04

I think if you can't stay in the house alone it will help to address these issues as soon as possible rather than blaming DH in that sense. For your confidence alone.

However you have a young baby and it's understandable to feel vulnerable, could he not have gone for 1 night or 2 at a push? I hate these stags getting dragged out over days and find it immature! Why does anyone want to go on a 3 day binge!

Royalsighness Mon 12-Jan-15 14:51:41

Just re read it, YANBU!!

Hobby2014 Mon 12-Jan-15 14:53:57

The actual stag do isn't an issue I don't think, it's the deceit, the sneaking, the lying, knowing you would need to make arrangements and leaving it so late that now you can't. Arse.

Royalsighness Mon 12-Jan-15 14:55:30

He does sound like a snake to be honest.

DownstairsMixUp Mon 12-Jan-15 14:55:49

If you have anxiety issues he should be supporting you through them and that's just for starters. He sounds really selfish tbh and YANBU.

AmarettoSour Mon 12-Jan-15 14:56:33

YANBU! You say this is out of character for him but I can't imagine this level of selfishness is a one off?

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 12-Jan-15 14:58:40

What a knob. I'm not wildly keen on ridiculous Stags as a rule anyway but in this case he's being really selfish and uncaring.

If you had diabetes instead of anxiety, would he leave with your insulin? No? Because MH issues are health issues as well. Spending money you don't have as well... Add the dogs and the HG. flowers

iamlionesshearmeroar Mon 12-Jan-15 15:06:48

Ok he needs to get practical about this and pay for the dogs to go to kennels for the weekend to at least take that pressure off you.

If he can't afford to do that he goes for one less night to the stag.

But really what a selfish prick.

ihbu Mon 12-Jan-15 15:18:07

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think I was being unreasonable but I wanted to make sure.
Both babies have been planned. We started ttc the Week before the original invite to stag do so he knew there was a chance I could be pregnant and he knows iv had a tough time with previous pregnancies.

HelenaDove Mon 12-Jan-15 16:34:29

Did he have a stag do before you got married OP The one where he would have claimed it was his "last night of freedom" hmm

He is a selfish tosser.

ihbu Mon 12-Jan-15 18:02:42

Yes he did but it wasn't a whole weekend it was just a night out with the lads.
I think he just hasn't stopped to think that he has a family to think of now before he makes big plans like this. Before Ds came along we would just go ahead and make plans with friends and just let each other know which was never a problem but it's a bit different now it's not just the two of us and more and our disposable income is almost next to nothing now.
I have told him if he wants to go then he needs to book the dogs in to the kennels and Ds and I into a nice hotel. His reply was 'don't be ridiculous'

Christelle2207 Mon 12-Jan-15 18:10:31

My husband would never dare arrange such a thing without my agreement. And in similar circs would not go-when our son was 3 months he decided himself that he couldn't go on a weekend stag do, having said before the baby was born that he'd play it by ear depending on how I was coping etc.. Your h is being very u.

HelenaDove Mon 12-Jan-15 18:14:31

"dont be ridiculous" What would he say if you were to go for a weekend away and leave him with the DC.

bigbluestars Mon 12-Jan-15 18:15:27

How can he justify this?

It would call my relationship into question.

ilovesooty Mon 12-Jan-15 18:17:19

I think he's been dishonest and sneaky. The request to book the dogs into kennels seems fair enough but why would you be less anxious in a hotel?

SnowWhiteAteTheApple Mon 12-Jan-15 18:19:10

I would expect DH to check I was ok with him going before he confirmed (although plans usually on the calendar to prevent double bookings) but would let him go if he wanted and likewise would do the same myself.

expatinscotland Mon 12-Jan-15 18:27:50

YANBU. He's being a total knob.

chrome100 Mon 12-Jan-15 18:27:57

I think it's unfair of you to claim you can't be on your house by yourself at night. That puts your DH in a difficult position - imagine if he needed to be away for work. You are an adult and need to work through that.

That said, the fact he has been deceitful about the whole thing and the expense is very U on his part.

expatinscotland Mon 12-Jan-15 18:29:21

Now you cannot go away as a family and you're the one who is selfish?

stickingpoint2 Mon 12-Jan-15 18:33:28

Book the kennels, leave it up to him to find the money as he's landed you in a stressful situation. Can a parent (of either of you) stay with you?

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