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To tell my friend I don't want to look after her DC's anymore

(791 Posts)
evmil Mon 12-Jan-15 13:51:13

I have a friend who has a full time job and quite unreliable childcare (she has aupairs but has quite a high turnover of them). She has three boys, one the same age as my DS(4) and two school age (7 and 10) and when her normal childcare falls through she asks me. Her aupair left just after christmas so since the start of term i have had her kids before school and after school Monday thru to Friday.

I looked after her kids for her yesterday as she said she needed to catch up on work. They were supposed to be here from 9 until 12ish but didn't leave until quarter past 7 last night. I was annoyed as I was supposed to be taking DSS3 somewhere but couldn't and he had to get a cab in the end and was late (DH is away so couldn't take him - i did tell her this).

Anyway, i got a text last night at about half 8 from said friend telling me she wasn't happy. I had apparently filled her kids up with junk food (we make milkshakes and biscuits and they got to try some and i sent some home with them), hadn't given them a proper dinner, they had jacket potatoes, which meant they were going to bed hungry, and I had let them play with the nerf guns and they had a go on the x-box (none of which she was happy with). She finished the text with 'i thought i could trust you to look after my boys'

I was really upset but just replied with 'perhaps it is best then if you get someone else to look after them', she didn't reply but i assumed this meant i wouldn't be having her kid anymore, but at quarter past 7 this morning she turned up at my house with them and said I'm not happy about yesterday but I am willing to give you another chance!! I didn't say anything as i didn't want to upset the boys but seriously!!

Like I said I enjoy having her kids and i know she is stuck for childcare but she doesn't pay me and i feel really under appreciated (i don't expect money, a thank you would be nice though!)

WIBU to tell her i don't want to look after her kids again because of her behaviour?

ilovesooty Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:06

For heaven's sake. Tell her to fuck off. She's beyond entitled.

wheresthelight Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:19

definitely tell her to jog on!!!

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:26

cheeeky biatch, just say a big fat NO!
no wonder she is always having au pair and childcare problems really is it?

DandyHighwayman Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:31

Tell her today is the last day and your arrangement will stop forthwith.

Big girl pants time.

DidoTheDodo Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:46

She is not your friend. She is a user...and a very rude one at that. Tell her you won't be able to have her children any more, smile sweetly (through gritted teeth) and refuse to get drawn into any reasoning as to why not.

Just no! Not at all unreasonable.

TiggerLillies Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:48

Looking after her kids for free when she complains, yabu.
Refusing to? Yanbu.

LurkingHusband Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:56

Maybe you're seeing the reason for the "high turnover of au pairs" grin.

I do hope you appreciate the great time and trouble your friend has gone to to give you another chance ? Although I suspect somehow they won't think you do (no matter what you do).

TiggyD Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:11

Tell her to take the Fuck Train to Offsville!

Quintanimo Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:13

Ha ha ha - how did you keep a straight face???

harryhausen Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:20


What planet is she on?? I thought at least you were going to end your post by saying she paid you.

It's sounds to me like a normal days good food/parenting to me. Tell her to fuck off.

McKayz Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:23

Tell her to take a hike!! I would never look after her kids again.

TengoSueno Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:38

I had a friend like this. Needless to say we no longer speak. Some people have no idea how entitled they are.

TheNumberfaker Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:40

She has some cheek! Tell her she needs to get proper breakfast club/ after school care in place. The odd emergency is ok but she is using you!

Nomama Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:53

Oh please! Step off bitch, is your only response.

More politely, just tell her when she comes back for them that she will not continue to impose upon your friendship in this way.

Then 'No' on repeat!

Rhiana1979 Mon 12-Jan-15 13:56:22

The only thing you were unreasonable about is not making it clear to her last night that you wouldn't take the children this morning.

Use the old mumsnet saying

"This doesn't work for me anymore"
If that fails
"Fuck off to the far side of fuck and fuck off some more"

impatienceisavirtue Mon 12-Jan-15 13:56:48

Wow. Yes, tell her to fuck off most definitely.

Jessica85 Mon 12-Jan-15 13:57:21

Not at all. You are doing her a favour and she's treating you like an employee. Her lack of childcare isn't your problem.

MrsHathaway Mon 12-Jan-15 13:57:46

Fucking hell.

I think your text was very good. But I think you should send another: "I will not be looking after your children again. You need to find alternative arrangements immediately."

If she'd picked up her DC when she said she would (before lunch) then you wouldn't have fed them the "wrong" food anyway.

How are you friends with this user? She doesn't love you! She isn't giving you another chance, she just can't find another sap.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 12-Jan-15 13:58:03

Her friendship is conditional on you looking after her kids. Say no and let the friendship go. You don't need an entitled user in your life.

MrsHathaway Mon 12-Jan-15 13:58:08

she's treating you like an employee.

Apart from the noticeable lack of remuneration.

SirChenjin Mon 12-Jan-15 13:58:09

This woman is not your friend - she is using you for free childcare.

Text her now and tell her that you are no longer able to look after her children as of now, then block her number. That is terrible behaviour from her shock

VivienneRuns Mon 12-Jan-15 13:58:23

You took them? You should have closed the door in her face. Stop being such a doormat, find your spine and practice using 'no' until it's a natural reflex to people like her.

Mrsteddyruxpin Mon 12-Jan-15 13:58:27

Are you really this naive and silly?

Tell her to fuck off. I hope this is a joke.

Quitelikely Mon 12-Jan-15 13:59:16

Send her a polite text today stating that she needs to make alternative childcare arrangements as from tomorrow.

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