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To think trying for a baby after six months of living with someone is far too soon?

(169 Posts)
seeminglyso Mon 12-Jan-15 13:47:44

Okay so my 27 year old sister met a bloke a year ago on a night out. In June they moved in together and yesterday she tells me she is trying for a baby with him.

She is worried due to health issues that she may have her menopause at 36/7 and I think this is one of the reasons. However I strongly feel she should wait - I was seven years with my husband before trying for a baby, so to me this seems way too soon - AIBU?

expatinscotland Mon 12-Jan-15 13:49:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LighterGate Mon 12-Jan-15 13:49:40

We TTC after 3 Months, are happily married with 2DC.

It does happen and work out fine.

seeminglyso Mon 12-Jan-15 13:51:04

expatinscotland - yes concern for the welfare of my sister is so mean and spiteful isn't it.

ilovesooty Mon 12-Jan-15 13:51:22

Mind your own business. You shouldn't be judging her arrangements and we know nothing about her and aren't able to.

seeminglyso Mon 12-Jan-15 13:51:56

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NeedABumChange Mon 12-Jan-15 13:52:06

I think it's too soon but you will get plenty of people who say stay out of it. On MN you can't worry about other peoples relationships without being accused of interfering.

I know a lot of older women who rushed having babies with new partners as they were worried about missing their opportunity . Few are still with their partners now.

expatinscotland Mon 12-Jan-15 13:52:06

We got married 6 weeks after meeting. DD1 was born 13 months later. Then DD2 and DS. Thirteen years later, here we are.

EatShitDerek Mon 12-Jan-15 13:52:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Mon 12-Jan-15 13:52:59

She is an adult, she is happy, so yeah, it's mean not to be happy for her.

Pantygirdl Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:16

I can understand why you are concerned for your sister but you just never know what will happen. I waited 5 years to try for a baby with my husband, he left me when I was 8 weeks pregnant. YABU.

expatinscotland Mon 12-Jan-15 13:53:57

A troll? I have been here for 10 years.

ilovesooty Mon 12-Jan-15 13:54:37

What is the troll comment about?

wheresthelight Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:28

I yanbu to worry but Yabvu to say anything to your sister. she is an adult and capable of making her own decisions

CatThiefKeith Mon 12-Jan-15 13:55:34

Dh and I were married within 6 months of meeting. He moved in never went home after the first night almost immediately.

Dd was born 18 months after we first met. She is almost 4 now.

And I'm 12 years older than him. No wonder Mil loves me so much. grin

She's 27, not 17. YABU.

seeminglyso Mon 12-Jan-15 13:56:13

Eatshitderek - The health issues are no different to mine, so I am coming from the same place. I don't think she should wait forever, but she has known this man only 12 months, which to me seems quick. Nice to see what a helpful thread this is today...seriously not sure I will be using mumsnet again for anything other than practical questions.

seeminglyso Mon 12-Jan-15 13:57:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ilovesooty Mon 12-Jan-15 13:57:22

Oh dear. Flounce alert. grin

Mammanat222 Mon 12-Jan-15 13:57:30

Do you have any concerns about sisters dp or their relationship?

As others say if not then you are coming across as a bit interfering.

We chose to wait 5 years to ttc (despite shacking up together within a few months). We wanted to have 'our' time first and that worked for us. Relationships are very individual though and what suits me or the OP isn't going to work for everyone.

If the relationship seems happy and healthy then I'd say leave it be.

5madthings Mon 12-Jan-15 13:57:41

She is happy so be happy for her.

Dp and I got together as a couple at easter, moved in together in sept and I was pregnant with ds1 by end of Nov. Nearly 17 years and four more kids later we are still happy and getting married this year. smile

Interrobang Mon 12-Jan-15 13:57:46

Sometimes you just know. I married DH a year after meeting, tried for a baby on honeymoon. It's all good. Great, actually,

TinklyLittleLaugh Mon 12-Jan-15 13:57:52

Do you have other concerns OP? Do you not like the man? FWIW I don't think a year is that short a period of time, and at 27 she is not a child. Do you regret waiting 7 years with your husband maybe?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Mon 12-Jan-15 13:58:09

No, expat isn't a troll. A poster disagreeing with someone does not make that poster a troll. People who are giving their actual opinions are not trolls.

People posting bollocks to inflame - they are trolls.
People getting nasty and aggressive - they are trolls.
People just plain making shit up - they are trolls.

fwiw, if your sister is happy then you have to trust that she is an adult and is capable of making her own choices in life. It's not horrible to be concerned and it's not horrible to talk with your sister and make sure that she feels she is making the right choice for her.

I moved in with someone the day I met him. Married him 3 months later. Jacked in my job to move halfway across the country 2 months after that. Had our first child a year later and our second 15 months after that.

That was 16 years ago. We're still together.

I know people who dated for years, moved in after 5 years together - split up.

There are no guarantees in life.

If she feels sure then unless you think she's an idiot who is not able to make choices in life, you need to let her live her life. Make her own choices, take chances and yes, make mistakes if things turn out to be mistakes.

If it works out - great. If it doesn't - you'll be there to support her. You can't make someone live their life the way that it makes sense to you.

Perhaps she is even making this choice because she wants a child and that's ok with her.

ilovesooty Mon 12-Jan-15 13:58:47

Congratulations 5madthings

CatThiefKeith Mon 12-Jan-15 13:58:51

Op, I can assure you that Expat is neither.

You asked Aibu. Where you asking the question or hoping for validation? Insulting well respected posters and refusing to see a different point of view is not putting you in a very good light.

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