to believe that some babies are just better sleepers than others?(54 Posts)
I have two very good friends.
One has children. She started putting them in the crib in their own room from day 1. One slept through from two or three weeks, the other is three months or so now and wakes up once.
I have two children. The first slept through from about four months (I think....he's seven and a half now and I can't remember back that far!). My DD is 19 months and honestly did not sleep for more than three or four hours and a time no matter what I did til she was almost a year. I started cosleeping with her when she was a few months and that helped somewhat. I just wasn't comfortable leaving her to scream and that is what she would do if left alone. She's been a solid sleeper since about a year; she never sleeps with us anymore. She will occasionally wake in the night (maybe every few weeks) but will settle when given a drink and go back to sleep.
I'm pregnant with #3 now and am just planning to cosleep from the get go. We enjoyed it last time and it worked well. Plus the baby will eventually have to share a room with either DS or DD and it might work best (room arrangement wise) to move the baby when he/she is ready for a big bed.
Plus I do feel that cosleeping is best...in the way that breastfeeding is "best". That is, best if you can/don't mind it but obviously not best if it stresses you out OE you find it awful etc.
Every time this comes up with Friend 1 (the one with kids) she insists that putting her DD in her own room from birth "made" her a good sleeper and that I am making a mistake in not planning to "make" my DC3 a good sleeper.
Friend 2 (without kids but planning on TTC soon) has told me today that she will definitely not be cosleeping because "look at Friend 1, her DD slept right away and I just don't function without sleep.". I told her I don't either and that is why I coslept...it was the only way for us to get any sleep at all!
She clearly didn't believe me and (it's probably hormones) it is irritating the crap out of me. I feel like some babies are just naturally good sleepers and some aren't, no matter their sleeping arrangements.
AIBU? And hormonal?
Personally I think that anyone who puts a newborn in their own room from day 1 is irresponsible, but I am aware I'm going to get flamed for that.
I think that you just need to work with your baby and do whatever's best for you; don't get drawn into discussions with others about their baby's sleep, it inevitably leads to conflict.
YANBU. I think it's a lot of luck and you can only meddle with sleeping patterns to an extent. Both mine were pretty much co sleeping, DS2 more so than DS1, and DS2 now insists on sleeping in his room at 2.5 whereas DS1 at 5 still wakes up during the night (and entertains himself until he goes back to sleep). But then I'm 36 and a rubbish sleeper so he probably gets it from me.
Yes, I'd say that some babies sleep better than others, in the same way some need more/less sleep than others.
I'd also say that the way you manage your childrens' sleep very show others do just isn't worth getting stressed over! There's so many schools of thought on parenting. What works for you might not be what works for the next family...and what works for your family is all that matters.
My DCs were in my room as newborns, but for DS it was logistics (we only had one bedroom) and DD it was medical (she had a stroke days after birth, and required monitoring).
With that said, I wholeheartedly believe that they both would have been good sleepers if the underlying medical issues they had were controlled (DS had severe reflux, DD seizures).
Once DS's reflux was under control (unfortunately not until he was 3.5 yo - he required surgery) he slept like a dream.
Sleeping, in many ways is hard wired. I think one is either a good sleeper or not. Friend 1 is just trying to pat herself on the back for something nature engineered...
Ds1 was building up to sleep through when we started weaning and his sleep became very broken, worse than when he was a few weeks old. He suddenly slept through at 12m...because his food allergies were identified so he was no longer waking with tummy ache and needing a feed to soothe it.
There's so many factors that affect sleep beyond parental actions. YANBU, a lot of it is luck of circumstances.
I have twins. One sleeps, one doesn't. Obviously treated exactly the same.
On the basis of that YANBU!
I was about to say that anecdotal evidence from previous threads is that this varies even with twins.
But the PP has beaten me to it.
I had a baby who slept from day one but I was very strict, followed a GF routine, and he went in his own room (so used to being flamed about this that I rarely comment on sleep threads now, and it was all over 14 years ago ).
However, I did not hover over him to make sure he was asleep or rush in at the slightest sound - so in some ways it might have been due to the routine but it was probably mainly just due to him just being a good sleeper. .
Now off to wake a lazy teenager who is still in bed.
Of course some babies sleep better than others, just like any humans of any size, some sleep well & some don't (spoken as a sometime insomniac <bitter>) so def YANBU for that.
That said I think there are something you can do to help kids sleep better or to mess up their sleeping patterns.
I don't agree at all that co-sleeping is best. I have one DS 7 weeks so by no means an expert at all but I guess I believe in routines...have followed a rough pattern of BF on demand but waking at 3 hours to feed, putting him down in own moses basket (next to our bed), never co-sleeping, letting him grizzle a bit (but not cry) and he seems to be a "good" sleeper - some nights are now 11pm, 3am, 7am feeds which I can cope with.
Obviously could be luck of the draw but doesn't seem to be unusual at 7 weeks.
Yanbu. 2 non sleepers here. Shattered!!!!
Ah, naturally I would have co slept but beyond 6-8 weeks not one of my babies would go to sleep when in a bed with me in it. Which would have been a fair bit easier for bf etc. Didn't stop me trying of course, especially when they were poorly etc. So from my pov ywnbu to think some a good sleepers/some aren't but I disagree on the co sleeping being "best" because i had babies it didn't seem to suit at all.
I have 4, now grown up. They are all different, good sleepers, poor sleepers, night owls, larks I got the lot.
The one thing I will say to any parent struggling with a lack of sleep is they all get you in the end. My worst sleeper was a dream teenager, the best sleeper has kept me awake many a night as they would be out late, forget to call or at home would be up late at night and I am a very light sleeper.
So just remember one day, if my theory is right, all the smug people with angel babies will be tearing their hair out. It might not be true but it will make you feel better when you have to smile at super mum when she is explaining how her baby is perfect.
As with pretty much everything development related, mixture of nature and nurture I'd say. Someone who put a baby in their own room from birth really has no business advocating that approach to anyone else, though, however good a sleeper it made her.
Yanbu!! Dd went into her own room at around 10 weeks. We both slept better as result, however, she has always been a terrible sleeper. Now aged nearly 9 months and it doesn't look like that will change any time soon
It's luck. DS2 is a better sleeper than DS1 and they've both been treated the same. And I'm not going to comment on having a newborn in their own room from day 1, apart from that I think it's totally wrong.
My son slept through from 3 months and was in a cradle next to my bed, he moved into his own room at 7 months and carried on sleeping through.
I seriously couldn't be arsed to leave a newborn next door because night feeds wether bottle or breastfeeding are a lot nicer to do in bed. Once they are sleeping through then the odd wakeup isn't too jarring but in the early days going next door to a crying baby would be a nightmare!
But MIL was a midwife and then became a health visitor when she had kids, they all went into their own rooms from day 1. I personally think she's a sadist that has infinite energy.
YANBU. I have a friend from my NCT group who insists her DS is a good sleeper because they 'prioritised good sleep'. He sleeps 7pm-9am with a 2 hour nap at 14 months. DD (also 14 months) still wakes up at least once a night. We have done everything 'by the book'- she was in with us in a Moses basket until 6 months, in her own room in a cot from 6 months, didn't feed to sleep from 3 months, was taught (gently) to self settle and goes into her cot wide awake and settles herself to sleep, I don't rush to her at every little grizzle, she has a daytime nap routine etc etc. I don't really know what else I could do and she still doesn't sleep. It's upsetting in a way because it implies I've done something wrong.
I also think it's (mostly) luck. But I find that cosleeping is more respectful of the baby's needs. A baby needs their mother very near. Mine have slept quite well, and they have slept with us from the start till about one year old, more or less (DD3 until 20 months old, but she moved onto her big bed quite happily, she never had a crib).
And my goodsleepers have had tantrums that could be taken for earthquakes between ages 3-6. So I hope they'll be lovely teenagers (you have to have hope).
I think it's very much down to the child but I do feel parental influence can play a roll. My 8 month old has never slept through, usually wakes twice, but she's a joy for it and although I'm slightly tired I'm just swimming in love and happiness with her. I'm totally averse to CC/CIO. Way too soft and things have never been that bad for us as she's quite chilled even during night wakes.
My DSIL and DMIL, however, love discussing the fact that "all of theirs" slept through by 6 weeks. I smile and nod and trot out my "hmm yes very different" line and then secretly judge them for their hands off mothering styles and the fact that DSIL thought nothing of leaving her son for the night when he was 2 weeks old. (I know, I know, each to their own, but I turn into Secret Queen Bitch when undermined.)
Yanbu. I'm on my second crap sleeper now!
Your friends' comments would wind me up too. Especially the one without dc yet. Though tbf to her when I was pg with dc1 I was adamant that we wouldn't cosleep... Then got a baby who wouldn't sleep unless on me or dp.
And isn't a newborn supposed to be in with parents for at least 6 months due to SIDS risk?
I agree that all babies are different when it comes to sleep, but disagree co sleeping is "best". I only did it as a last resort to get any sleep, and although it was definitely easier in terms of not getting up to feed the baby, my quality of sleep was really poor so I was still exhausted.
Your next baby might be great at sleeping, goes right back to sleep after a feed, may feed really quickly and might settle easily in their crib. Why not see how it goes first before deciding to cosleep. Maybe that's what your friend is thinking.
FWIW, my baby started sleeping through from 5 months to 10 months which was amazing and felt much smugness, but then she didn't sleep through consistently until she was 2 and a half! (As in, woke up 5 or 6 nights out of 7). So that bit me on the bum
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