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To not want to be called Auntie

(43 Posts)
CalicoBlue Sun 11-Jan-15 13:07:26

On reading another thread about not allowing children to call adults their names only auntie/uncle or Mr/Mrs, I thought of my own situation. I hate and always have being called Auntie.

My Dp got his son to call me Auntie when we met. I said time and time again that I did not like it and to call me Calico. The same as my kids friends do. Now DSS does call me Calico, I think he prefers to too. Did take a few years though.

However, even though times have changed and most kids do call adults by their first names I still come across people wanting to refer to me as Auntie.

My DP's adopted sister has some kids and she tries to get them to call me Auntie. My first name is difficult enough for a small child without making it longer by adding Auntie. I hardly ever see them so it is not really an issue, but I do correct her if I hear her say Auntie.

My own sister has some kids, who I have only met once, I did not like them calling me Auntie either, sounds so Victorian and in most cases suggests a family relationship. I know there is one biologically with my sisters kids.

My family to an extent is causal about names, since childhood I have called my father by his first name and aunts and uncles too. My kids call my step mother by her first name.

Am I being unreasonable, is it up to me what I am called or up to the parents? I feel that it should be up to me. What does everyone else do?

wowfudge Sun 11-Jan-15 13:13:35

Where your relationship is such that you are the children's aunt I do think YABU. I think it's nice and love it when my nephew calls me Auntie Wow.

esiotrot2015 Sun 11-Jan-15 13:14:18

Why do you mind though ?!

MuttonCadet Sun 11-Jan-15 13:16:15

I understand what you're saying, but think about the impact you're having.
You have told your DPs adopted sister that you don't see her children as family, that could be awkward.

brokenhearted55a Sun 11-Jan-15 13:19:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DurhamDurham Sun 11-Jan-15 13:19:33

I was in my early 20's when I had my oldest daughter who is now 21, we never quite got in to the habit of referring my bothers and sisters as Aunt and Uncle so my daughter always called them by their first names. We were all young and no one seemed to mind. The same thing happened with my second daughter, again it seemed normal.
By the time my sisters and sisters in law started to have children we were all a bit older and I have been called Aunty from the start. I wouldn't mind if they just called me by my name.
I've asked my sisters and sisters in law if they would have preferred to be called Aunty but they each said it made no difference to them. They knew they were my children's Aunty and that's all that mattered.

stiffstink Sun 11-Jan-15 13:20:59

How does Dp's sister react when you say you're not Auntie? And why can't they say it? Is is because you and DP aren't married or is it because the sister was adopted?

I really hope its not the latter!

Brandnewstart Sun 11-Jan-15 13:24:05

I can understand that you don't like it but I use 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' for our very close friends as a mark of respect. This is probably because I am half Asian and it is seen as a mark of respect is my mother's home country.

At the end of the day it is up to you. Could they use a nickname which is easier to say but feels a bit special?

CluelessDil Sun 11-Jan-15 13:25:06

I think you are being a little u about your sisters kids but yanbu with everyone else. I have a few friends who call me 'aunty clueless' to their kids. I have never addressed it as I know they use it as a term of affection but for me it feels odd especially as I barely see some of them!

claraschu Sun 11-Jan-15 13:25:24

My aunts were horrible when I was growing up, so I never wanted to be known by the title Aunt or Auntie.

People should be able to choose the name they are comfortable being called, and everyone should adapt to this. It is rude to call someone by a name he/she doesn't like.

1lov3comp5 Sun 11-Jan-15 13:27:38

We all call my aunts/uncles by their name unless trying to distinguish from someone else e.g dd has a grandad Brian and an uncle Brian. One of my auntys hates being even referred to as aunty and especially now that she's a great-aunty to dd!
I'd respect someone's feelings if they felt that strong about it, it's no work for me <shrugs>

42bunnytails Sun 11-Jan-15 13:29:23

My DM hated it and we never did it as DCs. In fact my DM didn't even like my cousins calling her Auntie. She always joked she was very Pro 'Annie' not Anti Annie.

My DDs do call my best friend Auntie, but thats their choice because we share the same first name and it seemed to help them sort every one out as toddlers.

drbonnieblossman Sun 11-Jan-15 13:31:43

I think you're being a little unreasonable - particularly re your sister and your dp's sister. You are their Aunty (the adoption point is a non anyway)

Gem124 Sun 11-Jan-15 13:32:31

Nothing I love more than hearing 'Auntie Gem' and little arms reaching up xx

TheHappinessTrap Sun 11-Jan-15 13:34:13

I like it, both from my brother's children and my friends!

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 11-Jan-15 13:35:44

Aah - I have two nieces and everyone tries to get them to call me auntie but we just look at each other like hmm and they just continue to call me Funky. [Well, my first and given name, which sadly isn't funky].

BoozeyTuesday Sun 11-Jan-15 13:35:54

I've always just been "Boozey" to my nieces. Aunty sounds too formal and stuffy to me. Each to their own.

NobodyLivesHere Sun 11-Jan-15 13:39:15

I refuse to be 'auntie'. Mostly cos with my first name it's just unbelievably twee. It's my choice and not about denying my relationship with my nieces and nephews who I adore, I just don't like it.

Theboodythatrocked Sun 11-Jan-15 13:39:17

But it's a special and unique title? Any bugger calls you by your name but only a few are entitled to call you auntie or mum or gran.

Surely that's special isn't it?

Redhead11 Sun 11-Jan-15 13:46:18

I've always been Auntie Redhead to my friends' children, apart from one friend, whose kids i didn't meet until her oldest one was 5. That was fine, too. I love being Auntie Redhead to my niece and nephew. I don't see it as a big deal and it marks out our relationship as special.

Viviennemary Sun 11-Jan-15 13:49:32

Auntie does seem to have fallen by the wayside these days. Years ago no adult could be called by their first name by a child. I think it's a bit silly to call people auntie when they're not your auntie. I don't mind being auntie to a young child but don't want to be called auntie by older children. It's an age thing I suppose. grin

Shockers Sun 11-Jan-15 13:54:02

I can't get past the fact that you thought your DP's sister being adopted was relevant to your point.

MaryWestmacott Sun 11-Jan-15 15:29:16

Aunty/Auntie/Aunt for people who aren't actually the child's Aunt or godmother - YANBU, Aunty/Auntie/Aunt when you are the child's Aunt, YABU and odd.

In the case of your DP's DSis's children, you are their Aunty, unless a) you dont consider her to really be your DP's sister as she's adopted, or b) you don't consider your relationship with your DP to be a permanent or commited one. If you are just at the 'dating' stage, then of course it would be weird for her DCs to start calling you Aunty, but you say you've been with your DP for some years, surely you consider yourself to be in a committed relationship and to be part of the family? Or don't you think your relationship is serious without marriage?

Step-children being encouraged to call their parent's new partner Aunty or Uncle, bit old fashioned. Nieces and nephews being encouraged to call their Aunt or Uncle Aunty or Uncle, not strange at all.

ZingTheGreat Sun 11-Jan-15 15:39:03

I prefer being called Auntie Zing, by nieces, nephews and friends kids. it's lovely and polite.

I teach my kids to do the same

it's not about being reasonable, but what customs and personal preferences are so it's tricky.
who ever cares most wins.
sonif you really hate it, oppose every time until they stop.

but tbh if you are an Aunt, even if you don't like being called an Auntie you still are. so it's not an insult smile

Bowlersarm Sun 11-Jan-15 15:45:20

YANBU, I hate it.

The children of our family and friends have always called us by our first names, and our children do the same to our siblings.

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