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Bloody hoarders - but I might be unreasonable this timeAaaw

(33 Posts)
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Sun 11-Jan-15 10:39:21

Background - dh is a hoarder and it drives me mad. PIL are also hoarders but are much more controlled and don't see themselves as hoarders.

Got to go to a one year olds party today and asked dh if I could give a beautiful dress and jacket mil made for dd (now 4) to the one year old. I've been hanging on to it incase there was a forthcoming niece for dd who might want it but there isn't (and won't be - everyone has completed their family).

Dh has acted like I planned to give the baby a £500 family heirloom. He phoned mil who wants us to hang on to it as she put in a lot of time and effort into it.

I am the least sentimental person on the planet and can't see the point in hanging onto a dress that will never be worn again - makes more sense for a friend to have it.

So who is being unreasonable the hoarders or the unsentimental git aka me

LaurieFairyCake Sun 11-Jan-15 10:41:03

Oh god, it's not a gift then was it. Give the in laws their dress back, make a point of not keeping it in the house as its bollovks you don't need anymore.

Trills Sun 11-Jan-15 10:42:30

YANBU

fluffyraggies Sun 11-Jan-15 10:44:36

Is it knitted?

<unsure why that makes a difference>

pictish Sun 11-Jan-15 10:46:52

Yes I agree. Give it back to your in laws. No one has any business telling someone else what they have to keep in their house, hoarder or not. If they are fussed about the item, let them store it.

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 11-Jan-15 10:47:28

I don't know - think keeping the handmade stuff is a bit different. Yabu (this time)

PoppySausage Sun 11-Jan-15 10:47:57

I am a hoarder and I empathise with your dh. I attach a lot of emotion to objects, although I realise I need to let some things go.

However, every expert in de cluttering and breaking the hoarding cycle recognises sentimental objects should be tackled last as they are hugely emotionally charged. This would be like giving away a part of your dd.

I think you are BU and need to tackle less emotive objects first

CleanLinesSharpEdges Sun 11-Jan-15 10:49:09

I wouldn't have even asked DH - would he honestly have noticed if you just gave it away?

Agree that you should send it to the in-laws and tell them if they want to keep hold of it they keep it at their house.

Discopanda Sun 11-Jan-15 10:50:10

Put it to them this way- would they rather more memories were made in the dress and it was appreciated by more people or that it sat at the back of a wardrobe and forgotten about?
YANBU, my MIL and GMIL are both hoarders, they will hang on to everything from old clothes to newspapers.

hesterton Sun 11-Jan-15 10:50:39

ABSOLUTELY give it back to mil as nicely as possible. Tell her how wonderful it was to have such lovely clothes for your dd when she was a baby and commiserate that there's noone in the family to hand it on to for another baby. But give it back!

pictish Sun 11-Jan-15 10:52:39

TeWi - I hear what you're saying and yes, handmade stuff IS to be regarded well...but a dress is to be worn.
What are OP and her dh to do with it? Put it in a frame? What use is it in a cupboard?

And I do suspect that if OP's dh wasn't hoardy, she wouldn't have a problem with the dress. It's the dress along with everything else...she is being made to suck up other people's issues.

ArsenicFaceCream Sun 11-Jan-15 11:05:06

How much handmade clothing is your MIL likely to produce before your DD reaches adulthood? shock

If it is likely to be a regular occurrence, you need to establish a precedent here.

expatinscotland Sun 11-Jan-15 11:05:10

Give it back.

Littleparrot Sun 11-Jan-15 11:06:15

Yanbu. Give it back to mil. A gift is something you can choose to do what you want with

paxtecum Sun 11-Jan-15 11:53:17

There is something special about hand made clothes that are made for family. They are a labour of love. I'd give it back to MIL if you don't want to store it.

abigamarone Sun 11-Jan-15 12:05:18

Love the way everyone is overriding the husband's wishes here. He wants to keep something his mum made for his baby daughter, I understand that (have kept a tiny arran cardigan my sister's mum-in-law knitted, because it was made for him)

Lazymummy2014 Sun 11-Jan-15 12:10:10

Giving it back would be so harsh on MIL! I'm not massively sentimental but she made this for your dd - surely it's not impossibly inconvenient for you to hang on to it. Buy some vacuum storage bags and shove it in the loft!

LadyRainicorn Sun 11-Jan-15 12:16:23

<disclaimer: I got threw out my wedding dress as I was sick of the space it was hogging in my wardrobe>

How much of dh's stuff is in the house? How much of the rest of dds clothes has he kept? What was he going to actually do with this apart from keep in the piles of stuff that insulate him like a little fortress?

notonyourninny Sun 11-Jan-15 12:18:16

Next time, don't ask just give.

pictish Sun 11-Jan-15 12:22:39

You're right actually abigamarone

Reddragon116 Sun 11-Jan-15 12:27:31

I'm a ruthless de-clutterer but must admit that something hand made would be special and to be kept - handing it back to MIL I think is actually very disrespectful and hurtful for a gift that was made and probably given with much love. Keep it for your daughters daughter.

tiggytape Sun 11-Jan-15 12:29:15

I'm not sure on this.
I am the complete opposite of a hoarder (maybe there's a name for that too)
There's nothing I love more than having 5 black bags for the charity shop all ready to go and waving goodbye to stuff that takes up too much space. But even I kept hand knitted cardigans and handmade toys given to the DCs. Those things are special in a way that normal stuff isn't because of the care taken making them.

You are probably hyper sensitive to yet another thing he refuses to get rid of though so I don't blame you for perhaps being unreasonable on this one. Personally I'd chuck the whole lot out (except the dress!)

skylark2 Sun 11-Jan-15 12:31:51

If it's a heirloom item I think YABU - surely you have storage space for one baby dress?

If it's an everyday item I don't know why you'd even have asked him. I don't ask my DH's permission to pass outgrown clothes on to friends or relatives, and that includes the handknitted ones.

MangoBiscuit Sun 11-Jan-15 12:41:27

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msQQiuH2xXQ

This was linked by someone on the kondo threads, seems very fitting.

It's not an heirloom yet if it was only made for DD. If your MIL wants it kept, she can keep it. If you DH wants to keep it for your grandchildren, then he can be responsible for it. Seems wasteful for it not to be in use though.

ShadowSuperNova Sun 11-Jan-15 12:56:47

I think if it's a handmade item of clothing they've got a point in not wanting it to be given away - there's generally a lot more care and thought put into a handmade item of clothes than into a shop bought item.

My parents (not hoarders. They lean more towards ruthless decluttering) kept the handmade clothes they were given for me and my siblings, and they've passed these on for their grandchildren to wear. They've made it clear we're not to give these clothes to anyone other than their other grandchildren or back to my parents though. Too much sentimental value for giving them away outside the family to be acceptable to them.

If space in your house really is an issue, then maybe ask your MIL to store it for you as a last resort.

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