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To ask for no presents

(135 Posts)

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Loletta Sun 11-Jan-15 08:27:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seastargirl Sun 11-Jan-15 08:30:34

We asked people to do this for my daughter's first birthday asking for donations to the premature baby unit she spent her first weeks in, everyone thought it was a great idea. Although most people came with a gift and made a donation.

magpieginglebells Sun 11-Jan-15 08:32:22

Will your son mind when he goes to other parties and sees lots of presents and realises that he didn't get anything?


Loletta Sun 11-Jan-15 08:33:07

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Loletta Sun 11-Jan-15 08:35:52

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SavoyCabbage Sun 11-Jan-15 08:37:11

I sort of do mind a bit. I know I shouldn't but it's part of the excitement for my child deciding what to give and actually giving it to their friend.

Also I would feel that if I didn't do the same you would be thinking I was shallow or greedy. Or both! grin

Eastpoint Sun 11-Jan-15 08:37:27

We did something similar for dc1's 3rd birthday & some people still gave her presents. She didn't mind only getting about 5 presents plus family gifts at all.

wowfudge Sun 11-Jan-15 08:37:27

I think it's quite an odd thing to ask tbh. Presents for young children don't cost much and it's pretty much a given that you take a gift to a child's birthday party. What is your reason for not wanting people to bring him gifts?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 11-Jan-15 08:40:33

I would want to buy your little one a small gift.

Catsize Sun 11-Jan-15 08:42:07


Loletta Sun 11-Jan-15 08:45:18

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Soexcitedforthisyear Sun 11-Jan-15 08:45:39

I think you are being a bit mean. At 3 they totally get birthdays and the whole present thing and the guests like to bring a present. As for party bags I agree that a bag of tat is a pain but what about books from the book people. They are about £1 each and get used and enjoyed

ChristmasEva50 Sun 11-Jan-15 08:46:17

We have been to a few parties where this has been requested and I just put money in the birthday card and they can do what they like with it. If my boys choose to have a party then that is their gift from us so the presents at their party would be their gifts to open. Some people spend £15 on a present and some spend£2 and I would worry that they felt under pressure to give more if it was a donation. I would let him have presents at his party and you (or family members) could make a charity donation.

Fisharefriendsnotfood Sun 11-Jan-15 08:46:37

Accept the gifts and donate them to charity. Win win.

mckenzie Sun 11-Jan-15 08:46:43

I'm not sure about the gift idea.
DS's friend did ,it one year but birthday boy was much older and it was a joint decision between him and his parents. He asked for donations to a specific charity that he'd seen information about on the TV and particularly wNted to support.

Re party bags, I agree. One year, I got a really good deal on Mr Men and Little Miss books from the Book People (They do a Mr Birthday and Little Miss Birthday if I remember correctly) and gave each child a book with their slice of birthday cake.

Hope the party goes well, whatever you decide.

FishWithABicycle Sun 11-Jan-15 08:48:03

Yabu. It's not your birthday, it's ds's birthday. If you don't want him to have presents, don't throw a party. In our culture, bringing a small (usually quite low value) gift for the person whose birthday it is is part of the tradition. It's fair enough for a grownup to put "no gifts"on their own invitations but I think it's wrong to do so on a child's behalf.

meandjulio Sun 11-Jan-15 08:51:19

I did this for ds's first birthday, which I think was OK because he had no idea, and because the party was really an excuse to get all the parents and family together. For a 3rd birthday I'd say don't.

I think the perfect 3rd birthday 'party bag' is a slice of cake and a balloon.

KoalaDownUnder Sun 11-Jan-15 08:52:52

I think your motives are good, but it's a bad idea.

Choosing and giving a birthday gift is part of the fun for the children attending. It also teaches children about generosity, giving and receiving graciously, etc.

I'm also generally tired of gifts being micro-managed by the recipients. If you want to bring attention to a charity, there are better ways.

If children have too many toys already, parents should consider buying them less during the year. We had birthday parties every year, and I remember being thrilled by all my gifts from little friends, lots of which I still remember.

JassyRadlett Sun 11-Jan-15 08:53:42

I disagree that he won't notice - 3 is when all of this stuff becomes a big deal. I'm not sure you're being fair to him. Why not ask for consumables eg art and craft supplies if space is an issue?

Kids of that age also blimming adore party bags. They don't need to be OTT - some bubbles, stickers, a pencil. The wee bags of haribo are the bits I like the least as a parent.

BathshebaDarkstone Sun 11-Jan-15 08:53:49

3's not too little to realise, DS2's 3.4 and he's have been distraught not to have any presents on his birthday. He's been to enough parties to know what happens. hmm

stripedtortoise Sun 11-Jan-15 08:55:26

I would think you were being a bit 'LOOK HOW CHARITABLE I AM!' and I wouldn't want to donate as a result.
I think 3 years is plenty old enough to realise he didn't get birthday presents tbh. Bit harsh.

magpieginglebells Sun 11-Jan-15 08:56:00

I'm don't think it's fair that you use your son's party to raise awareness for a charity. If you want to do that hold your own event. I would just not mention presents and let people decide.

KoalaDownUnder Sun 11-Jan-15 08:56:44

Same with party bags, btw. Party bags back in the day were only ever sweets, plus maybe a piece of birthday cake. But it worked because most children only had sweets once a week if they were lucky.

Everything seems over-complicated now.

God, I am feel old!

Clairesafatgirlsname Sun 11-Jan-15 08:56:53

I think yabvu and quite mean. I feel sorry for your little boy.

Loletta Sun 11-Jan-15 08:57:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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