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WIBU to say I wasn't happy with nursery?

(61 Posts)
weeinmyshoes Sat 10-Jan-15 21:57:19

This has been bugging me. I collected DD from her nursery yesterday. She had been in a new room for the first time as a settling in session before she moves up.

She has been reliably dry for the past three weeks 90% but obviously is at the 'tail end of toilet training'. In this room she had two accidents (this I'm ok with, I understand it is different for her. The toilet is in a different place and there a new exciting distractions) BUT

The nursery has a policy of wearing slippers indoors. They allowed my DD (in the new room) to wear her new shoes. They are a pair of leather clarks shoes. She has worn them twice between home and nursery doors. The member of staff said she had wee wee'd in her shoes. I asked why did she have them on. I was told one of her slippers is missing hmm I said I wasnt happy about this. They handed me the shoes that had been drying out under a radiator and put them in a bag. At this stage I assumed the shoes were soiled and possibly ruined. I wasnt sure if I could clean them. They did not say if they had cleaned them. So I said again' I wasnt happy as they were expensive shoes.'

I do not put my child in anything I am not prepared to have damaged or ruined due to messy play outdoor play. My understanding was the shoes were not being worn indoors due to their slipper policy.

The deputy manager rang me to say she had a very upset member of staff in tears because I had been rude. I do not feel I was rude. I did not get ranty or accusatory or raise my voice in any way. I just simply said twice I was not happy about a pair of soiled shoes. I explained this to the deputy manager. I also said I was not aware of missing slippers (that they have lost) which I could have replaced. I did say I was sorry to hear the member of staff was upset. She also told me that the shoes had only walked through the wee - this is not what was said to me at handover.

1. WIBU to have said I wasnt happy about the soiled shoes to member of staff

2. AIBU now to been feeling uncomfortable after the phone call - it makes me feel like I shouldnt say anything about whatever in future!

3. WWYD would you apologise or smooth it over or just go in and smile and get on it with.

LennyCrabsticks Sat 10-Jan-15 22:01:04

It's a bit of toddler wee. Hardly soiled. You do realise she's likely to have walked through puddles of dog urine etc in them anyway?

I think you should apologise.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 10-Jan-15 22:05:50

Yabvu, what if she walks through a puddle, or accidently wees outside whilst wearing them. Why buy a pre schooler expensive shoes, when they are likely to be scuffed and ruined.

fredfredgeorgejnr Sat 10-Jan-15 22:05:59

What did you actually say? But yes, being annoyed about shoes to the nursery worker is unnecessary and if you were rude enough to get a call then yes you were probably rude, you need to apologise.

AgentProvocateur Sat 10-Jan-15 22:05:59

It's all in the tone. To have someone in tears, over something as minor as pee-ed on shoes, means that you probably overreacted, so yes - you should apologise.

seaoflove Sat 10-Jan-15 22:06:19

I would be annoyed. If the slipper was missing then they should have told you. Presumably the slipper policy is to prevent children being hurt if their hands are trodden on or something? In which case why was your DD allowed to wander around all day in outdoor shoes?

As for "they only walked through wee", I think they're fibbing and minimising. Anyone who's ever dealt with a child who's wet themselves knows the wee can run down their legs and INTO the shoes. I also doubt the shoes would have been put under a radiator to dry if they'd only walked through a puddle of wee.

It sounds like the staff member was overreacting to burst into tears, assuming you merely told them you were annoyed (as opposed to ranted and raved in their faces!).

afreshstartplease Sat 10-Jan-15 22:08:36

You sound like that parent

LingDiLong Sat 10-Jan-15 22:08:54

I think both you and the nursery have over-reacted really. I don't really get what you were so unhappy about. Wee doesn't usually ruin shoes - they could have got wet outside and they knew you were happy for her to be outside in them. Also, I should think it's pretty normal for belongings to go missing at nursery from time to time. I know that happens here and I'm a childminder - I always manage to find them but sometimes it takes time and it's something that needs to be done in peace when all the kids have gone. So, yes, I think you WIBU to say you were unhappy. What does it solve to say that anyway? Ask them to look for the slipper, tell them that you'd rather they just leave her in socks in future but telling them you're unhappy isn't constructive.

If you really didn't rant then I don't see the need for tears and phone calls from the nursery though. I wouldn't say anything more about it if I were you.

BackforGood Sat 10-Jan-15 22:12:10

All dc get wee on their shoes when they are toilet training.
Just rinse them and dry them.
It sounds like you over rreacted to me, but clearly none of us were there and can only go on what youve said.

seaoflove Sat 10-Jan-15 22:12:29

Actually, I would go as far to say that the issue isn't pissy shoes, but unprofessionalism. There was no need for the OP's DD to be flouting the "slipper" policy if she'd actually been informed the slipper was lost in the first place. Then the snippy phone call about the staff member allegedly being upset. Just dodgy communication all round.

edwinbear Sat 10-Jan-15 22:12:57

If I had thrown away every pair of Clarks shoes my dc wee-ed in when they were potty training they would have been permanently bare foot. YABU, it's a bit of wee and a lost slipper, really no big deal.

weeinmyshoes Sat 10-Jan-15 22:13:01

Yeah I agree its not a massive deal.

But I didnt feel it would be right for me to just say, oh that is ok as I feel it was preventable as it was inside where they are in slippers.

fred I said exactly 'I wasnt happy about it' twice.

My DD has been there 5 months. This is the second time I have questioned something. Otherwise I have been very happy with the nursery - i.e. I'm not a moaner and its not part of a wider problem or anything.

notonyourninny Sat 10-Jan-15 22:14:52

Over reaction on both sides. Fgs its wee.

Fabulous46 Sat 10-Jan-15 22:15:53

I wonder how you would have reacted if your toddler had peed on the shoes while in your care OP? They could have been peed on anywhere!

Littlefish Sat 10-Jan-15 22:17:10

If the manager felt the need to phone you, then your tone must have been unnecessarily harsh to the nursery worker.

I think you have over-reacted and should apologise.

Loletta Sat 10-Jan-15 22:17:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TendonQueen Sat 10-Jan-15 22:17:53

What does it solve to say you're unhappy with something? Well, it tells the person you're speaking to how you really feel and they can adjust if they see your point of view. Why should OP lie and say it's fine when it isn't?

OP, from your account of things you were reasonable and not rude. I don't quite get the slippers policy - haven't heard of this before. I would expect a child missing a slipper either to be given spares to wear or to play in socks for that day, including when they went into a new room. The nursery sound quite defensive from what you've said.

WorraLiberty Sat 10-Jan-15 22:18:23

At this stage I assumed the shoes were soiled and possibly ruined.


How on earth would a bit of pee ruin a decent pair of shoes? confused

Fabulous46 Sat 10-Jan-15 22:18:54

If the manager felt the need to phone you, then your tone must have been unnecessarily harsh to the nursery worker.

I agree with this.

Purplepoodle Sat 10-Jan-15 22:19:06

Never heard of a slipper policy in daycare. All mine have worn their shoes in daycare and all my dc have had accidents whilst wearing their shoes. It happens when you have a potty training child.

Stuff gets lost in daycare. The slippers might have only gone missing that day. I would apologise as really it's no different than if she had been outside and had a full blown accident whilst wearing her shoes - they would see be covered in pee

Loletta Sat 10-Jan-15 22:19:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flomple Sat 10-Jan-15 22:21:08

Imdon't think you are ever being unreasonable to mention something that you're unhappy about. But if you did it in such a way as to upset someone I think an apoligy is in order.

They were damned if they did and damned if they didn't. They've probably let a child go in socks before and a parent has torn a strip off them when the child slipped or something. It's hardly crimeof the century to not rush to phone you about the missing slipper. One thing you pay them for is to use their judgement in looking after her and I think the one they made was reasonable.

You really need to get over the wee in the shoes though. My DD has been having accidents in her school shoes for over 3 years now. What should I do, make her wear slippers to school or throw out a £35 pair of shoes every couple of weeks? I rinse and dry. It's only wee.

skylark2 Sat 10-Jan-15 22:21:13


All toilet training kids get wee on their shoes (and worse) and it's hardly the end of the world if just this once one of her slippers has been misplaced.

I would be gobsmacked if they had put wee soaked shoes under a radiator to dry - of course they will have washed them off first or the whole room would stink.

What on earth are you annoyed about? It's a total non-issue for a slipper to occasionally not be where it should be. It's a total non-issue for a toddler to have a pee accident. Yes, it would have been right for you to say oh, that's okay.

Flomple Sat 10-Jan-15 22:21:57

Oops, *I don't, *apology

DropYourSword Sat 10-Jan-15 22:22:07

I think saying "I'm not happy about it" implies that it's their fault, and I don't really think it is. Have they said how long the slippers were missing for. I would assume that if they hadn't told you previously then that would mean they only just went missing, so they couldn't have had a chance to let you know.

I know you weren't happy, but what was the purpose of voicing that to the teacher, apart from to sound like you were blaming her?

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