Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3

AIBU?

Has anyone regretted going part time to spend time with pre-school children?

60 replies

dottytablecloth · 10/01/2015 19:14

Because financially it was a struggle?

Is it always the case that spending more time with dc is worth th financial loss?

It'll be a short term (2-3 year) thing for our family but we will be looking for lots of cheap, or free, things to do as we definitely won't have lots of spare cash.

OP posts:

Report

dottytablecloth · 10/01/2015 19:15

So the AIBU here is, would I be U to go part time for a few years even though I'd would be financially better off working, even factoring in Childcare costs?

OP posts:

Report

meglet · 10/01/2015 19:18

save it and go part time when they start school. IME they need you more then and you have to work around school hours.

Report

backwardpossom · 10/01/2015 19:23

Nope. Not for a second. I've been part time for 5 years now and I love it.

Report

Sn00p4d · 10/01/2015 19:25

I could have written this as I'm facing the same dilemma, although fairly sure I'm going part time, shamelessly following

Report

MissHJ · 10/01/2015 19:27

Nope sometimes there are more things more important than money. We had to cut back but I would not miss my son's toddler years. They are only young once and I love being around to see eveything as he is getting older.

Report

concretekitten · 10/01/2015 19:29

personally I think you can't put a price on being a Mum.
The early days don't last forever, I don't want to look back at these days and just remember the early morning nursery run, dealing with tired cranky kids in the evening etc.
I want to enjoy this time, although I'm constantly tired from working and caring for children, and we are always pretty broke, I know it's not forever.
In a few years when the kids are in school I will go back to work full time, we will have more spare cash and maybe even get a foreign holiday once a year.
There's more to life than just money.

Report

6031769 · 10/01/2015 19:32

i think it depends if you can chop and change at your job. Remember that once you've put in for part time and they have accepted your request then your employer to not obliged to let you go back to full time when you so choose. I went to 3 days after I went back to work with DS but although it wasn't guaranteed it was highly implied that I would be able to increase my hours if I wanted and now DS is at school I have just increased to 4 days. Would have been a nightmare if once I was on 3 days that was all my employer would let me have.

Unless you are in a really really well paid job then most of the time theres not a lot of difference in working part time v working full time once you have factored in all childcare costs/ petrol etc

Report

thatsenoughelsa · 10/01/2015 19:32

Could you try working part time, see how you get on with the financial side of things then increase your hours if you find it's too much of a struggle? When I went back to work after having DD I decided to reduce my hours from full time to three days a week. It was 100% the right decision for us. We would be better off with me working full time (although not by much when you factor in childcare costs, travel to and from work etc.) but it's so worth it in my opinion. My job is enjoyable but mentally and emotionally draining at times and I think that full time it would be too much combined with looking after DD. Obviously it depends on your individual circumstances but for me, I'd rather have less money and not be stressed out and exhausted.

Report

Inkanta · 10/01/2015 19:35

Best thing I did, and I wish I hadn't worried so much and just enjoyed it.

Report

mamadoc · 10/01/2015 19:38

Hmm well I wouldn't say I regretted it but at the time I thought it was a no brainer but now I am not so sure.

I did not enjoy it all of the time. Some of it was drudgery and housework rather than lovely times with the kids. Had I stayed FT it would not have set an unfortunate precedent for DH of me doing it all and/ or I could have paid someone else to do the housework. Have you considered both going part time eg 4 days each rather than you do 3 and DH FT?

I doubt that you will want to go back to FT when they hit school age either. I enjoy their company more as they get older. I love to spend time with my 7yr old. It's a lot easier and more straightforwardly enjoyable than the 3 year old although obviously I love him too! You and they will get used to it so maybe budget for longer term eg primary years or at least KS1. They are still little and still need you a lot when they start school.

Report

cuppateaandtoast · 10/01/2015 19:39

What inkanta said. I worried so much that i gave up a well paid job and had no status or my own money. But being mummy all day is the best thing ever.

Report

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 10/01/2015 19:39

I gave up work completely for 5 years, except for a bit of freelance work which I could do in the evenings. Money was a bit tight, but I wouldn't have changed it for anything.

As a pp said, they grow up far too quickly and I didn't want to miss anything of those lovely early years. Dh would have given up work to be with them, too, but one of us had to work and he was earning more.

Report

iwasyoungonce · 10/01/2015 19:43

I don't regret it as such, but it did totally skint us. I went back full time as soon as my DS started school, and just over a year later we are only just starting to get back on our feet, but still paying off debt accrued through those years I was part-time.

I think in the long run I'll always be happy that I had that time with my DC when they were tiny.

Report

myfallingstar · 10/01/2015 19:52

On your death bed their is no one who regretted spending MORe time with their children

Report

dottytablecloth · 10/01/2015 19:54

Good to hear some views.

I'm a teacher and the children will be going to my school.

Luckily I would have the option of returning to FT again up to a maximum of 3 years reduced hours.

Just have to get head round being really frugal.

OP posts:

Report

nhsworker15 · 10/01/2015 19:54

Best thing I ever did. We're lucky that we live in a relatively cheap part of the country and dp earns a good (but not huge) salary. Now that our kids are at school I love part time even more! What also helps is that my work are really good about me being flexible about my days.

Report

Mmmicecream · 10/01/2015 19:58

I assume OP you're talking about going FT to PT, not from being a SAHM to PT?

I reckon you might as well give it a go - especially if you can easily decide later to go FT again. I agree with mamadoc upthread though, and there are so many variables it's not something that is easy to compare someone else's experience with someone else's - some parents who are at home really do give their children more time, whereas some just end up putting their children in front of the TV more often. It also depends on the children, and the self-esteem benefits you get from going back to work.

FWIW when I went from part time to being a SAHM I was surprised that while I was with DS much more, he did end up watching MUCH more TV as well - went from 20 mins a day to up to 2 hours some day I found myself doing much more housework when he was awake as well, when I was working I'd do more in the evenings to maximise our time together. In terms of quality time together I'm not convinced we had all that much more. Having said that though, I still enjoyed being home more.

Report

FourthMary · 10/01/2015 19:58

I went down to four days a week, Fridays are very precious. Only regret is that I couldn't afford to drop more hours. Very worth being skint for.

Will really miss our special day together when he starts school in September.

Report

Doingakatereddy · 10/01/2015 19:59

I couldn't go PT so gave up for few years & it was best decision I ever made.

Back FT now, but i have a closeness & knowledge of the kids I don't think I'd have had if I'd worked FT (particuarly with all travelling I used to do)

Report

LinesThatICouldntChange · 10/01/2015 20:00

Dotty- it's such a good deal that you have the right to return to full time within 3 years- I would jump at it!
I went p/t (3 days a week) during the pre school years, and then returned to f/t the term my youngest started school. I went into a new job though, as I didn't have the right to just switch back to f/t hours.
It's not so much the short term financial thing, bear in mind that any period of p/t will knock a chunk off your pension. So I think you're wise to step back up once the kids are in a school.
So yes- my experience was very similar to what you plan. No regrets- best of all worlds !

Report

Jengnr · 10/01/2015 20:01

I'm pt. i'm always skint and I've maxed out a couple of cards but I'm happier than I've ever been.

Work/life balance is amazing. Do it.

Report

EElisavetaofJingleBellsornia · 10/01/2015 20:05

I went FT to PT and have never had a second's regret. It's been the right balance for all of us. And frugality is a bit easier with more time - going to the market for veg instead of a big supermarket shop, meals from scratch etc. Loads of free toddler groups, park time, going to other mums' for coffee. Especially as you could increase again later, I would go for it.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Email address

You've subscribed!

Flomple · 10/01/2015 20:08

I'm with the PP who said save it for when they start school. I know I'd have thought this was crazy when mine were preschoolers but being able to give them some afternoons at home after school makes such a difference, for 4 year olds especially but also for older ones. And they do seem to need more of you after they've started school.

Report

Flomple · 10/01/2015 20:13

I put that badly. If you're obliged to go back to FT, then save it. If you might be able to stay PT permanently then great, do it now.

It's all v well for me to say this but it obviously depends just how skint you'd be. If FT is a necessity then there is no choice.

Report

bexster5 · 10/01/2015 20:14

I originally intended to go slightly part time. Ended up quitting completely and working a very few hours a week for myself. For me I'm really glad I did it. It can be really hard some days and sometimes I feel envious of DH who gets a break from the childcare. But I wouldn't change it for the world! But that's me.

It's not going to be right for everyone.

I have friends who definitely don't need the money but still work full time. And that's right for them.

Anyway, I definitely don't regret it.

Oh and in case you're thinking ah but I want to know if she'll regret it in 10, 20... years time? I don't think I will. Career wise the working for myself has actually opened up a far more rewarding and exciting avenue than when I was properly employed. At the end of it all am I going to think wow - I really wish I got a few more promotions, earned more £££... or am I going to wish I had even more time to spend with the people I love?