To think people on the internet are hypocrites

[RockOnRuby]

Please bear with me here, I realise it's quite a long post. I haven't been here long but have to vent my anger about the stink of hypocrisy in some of these threads.

I will give you an example.

Could someone please explain the difference in advice?

Someone posted here, whose husband had put on weight and she didn't find him attractive any more and no longer wants to have sex with him. She wanted advice how to go about telling him diplomatically.

Here are some of the replies that were on the first page:

Quote:
I think you need to be honest with him. He deserves it and it will spare him the agony of wondering whether it is more than just how he looks that you don't like.

Quote:
You don't seem horrid. IMO you are not being direct enough.

Quote:
Men need competition to motivate them so find a fab looking man that you don't fancy and start inviting him around when your husband is there.

Quote:
I think it's perfectly reasonable that she tells her husband in as diplomatic a way as she can that his weight gain is very unattractive as well as unhealthy and that he needs to do something about it.


However, a more recent thread about someone who put on weight and her husband didn't fancy her any more. Effectively, he's taken the advice of the posters above and said what he thinks, even if it's painful. (I think in a more diplomatic way than I ever would by saying "we should BOTH try and get fit and lose some weight")

Cue these cracking replies on the first page:


Quote:
Wow. I assume he's Adonis?

Tell him to fuck off. Lose weight for you not him. In fact lose weight and then refuse to have sex with him.

Quote:
what a bastard.

That's a really unfair thing to say to you.

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I don't understand how he can be a good husband, when he fails so spectacularly in this crucial area. It belies so much. For example, that he's a shallow, superficial, unkind knuckle-dragger

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Tell him no more bjs until his cock is at least two inches longer. What a twat he is.

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Seriously, this man is not a good husband, he is an arse. You have had his children Ffs.

Dh still wanted as much sex as possible with me when I was a size 22 as he did when we met. (I was a 12 then, and am back to a 14 now)

Lose the last stone (and well done on the first) then tell him you don't find him attractive as he is too fat and his cock is too small.

Arse.angry

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Good people aren't selfish and shallow.

Those are two pretty unpleasant characteristics.

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He's not a good man. Really he isn't.

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A good husband and father does not piss all over his wifes self esteem. Selfish and shallow are bad enough traits but this is being cruel

Can someone enlighten me?

[nocoolnamesleft]

For this to be hypocritical, it would need to be the same posters on both threads. Are they the same people? Or are the answers different because they're different people?

Oh, YABU: some people on the internet may well be hypocritical, but you're being far too sweeping on your indictment.

[ItsAllKickingOffPru]

Different posters posting at different times?

Kudos for Thread About Two Threads.

[RockOnRuby]

Surely it doesn't have to be the same posters? The same situation maybe, which it is, apart from the sex of the allegedly overweight person.

If they are different people, why should they be different answers??

[IamTitanium]

But its only hypocritical if the same person gives different answers, and if that was done because one was male and one was female (taking the example in your op), however we also need to bear in mind people do generally change their minds also.

There are also slight differences in the posts (if its the ones I am thinking of), which again means they may get different responses even from the same person.

However I do agree with you to an extent that sometimes situations which are similar can have threads that go different ways depending on the people involved.
But that could be that once a thread starts going one way, a poster who disagrees does not want to stand out so will not post, sometimes threads start to go one way, someone disagrees and the thread replies go the other way.

[Sheitgeist]

Yes, would have to be exactly the same posters for a true diagnosis of hypocrisy.

[expatinscotland]

[IamTitanium]

Surely it doesn't have to be the same posters
Of course it does, MN is not a whole being.

If they are different people, why should they be different answers
Because 2 different people will not definitely have the same thoughts on things

[SnowWhiteAteTheApple]

It's quite rife on here being mainly a site for women so the view is mainly one way.

I've seen it on SAHP threads, the women are told they are home just for the chidlren and the man should help with housework when he comes home yet when the SAHP is male he should do the whole lot and more or else is deemed lazy.

Threads where the man doesn't contribute financially are another area where is seems fine when it's a women but awful the other way round with the man being called names etc.

Protecting assets or inheritances I've also seen is fine for women but the man is screwing the women when it's the other way round.

The weight and sex thing is a common one.

[MrsMinton]

It's actually an example of a double standard that you are discussing not hypocritical behaviour.

[RockOnRuby]

I'm saying the situation that was given was practically the same. The advice given though, was such a knee jerk reaction to the husband being a bastard it was laughable.

[AwfulBeryl]

I agree with pp that for it to be hypocritical they would have been the same posters on each thread.
I do see the point you're trying to make though, I have seen 2 threads from different perspectives (slightly different details) on here, both have been flamed. The same old AIBU names scoop up scrutinising every aspect of the op and any subsequent posts. I have often wondered if they have been started by the same person, just to see what will happen.

[MorrisZapp]

Yes it's a double standard. There are many of them alive and well on here.

[kawliga]

It makes a difference whether the overweight person is a man or a woman. It's not hypocrisy. I would expect posters responses to be different if a man wants to tell his wife she's fat, than if a woman wants to tell her husband he's fat. We know that women's self-image and how they are treated in relation to their shape from when they are teenagers through motherhood and how it affects them is completely worlds apart from what men experience if they carry extra weight.

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

I get where you're coming from but agree with others about double standards

[JCDenton]

The worst double standard I've even seen on here is how people bang on about how victim blaming is a terrible thing and when one MNer posted about being scammed on her doorstep for £20 (sounded very scary) she got pages and pages of 'why didn't you just do x?' or 'I'd have told him to fuck off' and lots of questions about why her daughter was in a nightie . Unbelievable. At least eventually people turned up and called out those replies.

[mytartanscarf]

I remember that JC

there's also the absolute uproar about starving people and benefit cuts and food banks but then when someone posts about say a damp flat they are yelled at for not having a tumble drier

[PulpsNotFiction]

I think the reason for the different responses :

Your first example, the woman hadn't told the man he was over weight.

The second example the man had told the woman she was overweight and he didn't find her attractive.

The posters jumped to the defence of the woman in the second thread because of this.

Posters gave examples of what they would do if their partner was overweight in The first example. I.e. Some posters would tell their husbands they were unattractive and should lose weight.

Nobody said 'tell your husband you're not having sex with him until he loses weight though.

[kawliga]

Being intelligent means being able to see when situations are the same, and when situations are different. The answer must fit the situation, and must differ if the situation is different - that is not hypocrisy or double standards.

Having one same fixed answer that you trot out for all questions because you don't want to be hypocritical is just dumb.

There are situations where equality means exact same treatment for women and men. There are other situations where women must be treated differently from men. It just means you have to think a little bit hard when faced with situations, that's all.

[JoanHickson]

That is sadly a real life observation too op. People don't even realise they are doing it.

[AwfulBeryl]

Yes the scamming thread was absolutely horrible. A horrible example of the pack mentality.

[HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway]

Of course it has to be the same poster in order for it to be hypocritical.

Are you saying that people all have to have the same opinion?

That if for example I have a different view to you on a topic that I am a hypocrite? Or you are?

That is utterly, utterly, utterly ridiculous. It makes no sense at all.

MN is not a single entity. It is made up of individuals with their own views on things.

Unless it is the same poster posting contradictory things on different threads, there is absolutely no hypocrisy, no double standards or anything. Just different people with different views.

Unless you think that mn is a single person, of course.

How on earth can different people expressing different views on subject be anything other than that? I have no obligation at all to express someone else's view in order to maintain a single mn view on a topic across all threads on that topic.

There is no logic to your claim of hypocrisy at all.

Unless you have checked the username and established it is the same poster of course. Have you?