In a nutshell my dad verbally abuses my mum. He literally can't stand her, it is written all over his face when he even looks at her and he is foul mouthed, and at any opportunity will put her down.
They don't sleep in the same room and do nothing together apart from shopping (he only goes because she can't do it on her own). He scoffs and makes fun of any activity she does and makes unpleasant comments about her friends.
She tells me all the time how he is with her and seems quite sad a lonely at the situation she is in. I have a brother, who is aware of how my dad is, just shrugs his shoulders and is not interested. (Sadly he is very much the same with his own wife).
My mum isn't a well woman and can be difficult regarding her illnesses. This requires some biting of the tongue and patience. But he hasn't got any with her.
He refuses to help her with basic tasks, such as opening packets, carrying things etc. He was very ill a few years ago and we all rallied round and did everything we could for him, including my mum. He seems to have forgotten this.
Here are some examples of how is with her:
She is overweight (not lots and is following a diet club), but if she eats something he doesn't agree with he calls her a fat b-h, a greedy fat fu-r and numerous other obscenities.
If she buys something with her own money, out of her own account that he doesn't agree with, he gives her such a hard time about it she takes it back. She bought something with me recently to help her bad back, she went home and he told her she was fking puddled, so she took it back.
He has told her she can't speak to him unless he speaks to her, unless its about his grandchildren (he has three granddaughters).
She recently fell in the kitchen (she falls a lot), and he stepped over her and told her she was fking stupid. She'd hurt her hand and he reluctantly drove her to A&E (I was at work and she didn't tell me until the next day) They sat there for 10 hours and he didn't say one thing to her or offer to get her a drink.
She walks with sticks, if they have to go out to a function etc he won't help her and lets doors go on her so she nearly falls over (I've witnessed this and managed to stop her falling, while I was trying to sort my daughter out as well).
So today I've been to their house, he again is making derogatory comments to me saying she's lost to the plot, she's stupid etc. I also found out that he is now monitoring the phone to see how many calls she makes and the cost.
I'd had enough, so asked him if his granddaughters came to him and said their husbands were verbally abusing them, what would he think. He actually had the nerve to say he wouldn't be happy.
So I asked him why he thought it was OK to swear and call his own wife names and all hell broke loose.
He said its none of my business (probably true) and keep my nose out of other people's business. He said from now on, if I call at their house I'm to given them notice so he can go out as he doesn't want to see me.
He said I don't look after my daughter properly (this is totally not true and he was scoring points there). He also told me the reason I'm on my own (I'm divorced) is because I don't do as I'm told and have too much to say!
They have been married for 50 years and I just can't imagine how awful it must be to live with someone like that.
So, should I have kept my trap shut and do as I'm told, or would you have challenged him as well.
Any ideas on where to go from here as he won't make any effort now and my poor mum is stuck in the middle.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
to have challenged my dad about how he verbally abuses my mum?
80 replies
mummytowillow · 10/01/2015 16:11
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
10/01/2015 17:16
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.