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finding it hurtful that DM is slowly giving me everything I did as a child including hand made gifts and school photographs

(102 Posts)
r80s Sat 10-Jan-15 13:40:54

Maybe I'm being strange, but my dm seems to slowly be giving me everything do to with me from her home.

She's just dropped off another box that includes paintings done when I was 4, all my school photographs that she bought and even badges and pots I made as gifts for her when I was little.

It's really upset me, aibu to think these are her possessions not mine and she's being hurtful?

Blackout234 Sat 10-Jan-15 13:41:42

Is there more to this? Why do you find it hurtful?

IAmAShitHotLawyer Sat 10-Jan-15 13:42:35

YABU she's going to die eventually so what do you want her to do with your childhood things?

Haggisfish Sat 10-Jan-15 13:42:52

Yabu-she's probably just trying to save you a job when she dies. She's allowing you to choose what you want to keep slowly-I'd be fine with it.

mytartanscarf Sat 10-Jan-15 13:43:07

It's hurtful because she is saying (as the OP reads it) - "take these, they are yours."

When presumably she kept them in the first place for sentimental value.

Indantherene Sat 10-Jan-15 13:43:50

At least she's kept them. I would love to have stuff I did as a child but it's all gone. Seems an odd thing to get upset about.

arlagirl Sat 10-Jan-15 13:44:18

Why is it hurtful?
Maybe she's decluttering.

I will give things like school photos to my dcs when they leave home

Frusso Sat 10-Jan-15 13:44:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mytartanscarf Sat 10-Jan-15 13:44:21

And "she's going to die eventually" hmm

Yeah and OBVIOUSLY chucking out anything to do with your childhood before she does will really soften the blow, won't it.

MissBattleaxe Sat 10-Jan-15 13:44:55

My Mum does this and i think its' quite sweet. She is kind of giving me things I did at the same as my children are now. It puts a kind of perspective on it and I rather like it, as do my children. "Was that your homework when you were my age" etc.

I wouldn't take offence, she is probably taking stock and thinks that now you're older is the time you might find it all interesting.

chocolateyy Sat 10-Jan-15 13:46:14

My DM is doing the same.

I asked her & she said she would rather I had it all now, because she feels I would find it hurtful to go through it all when she "goes", & see how much of it she kept.

Fuckmath Sat 10-Jan-15 13:46:34


It actually seems thoughtful of her as far as I can see? Surely she is giving you childhood things that she thinks you might like for sentimental value. It's not saying she wants nothing to do with you in her home! Unless there is more to it?

Tbh I am amazed she has even kept your artwork from your 4 year old self this long in the first place so may be I have a different approach on this

GretnaGreen Sat 10-Jan-15 13:46:49

We're all going to die eventually, OP's mum could be in her 30s or 40s for all you know hmm

Perhaps she thinks you'll want them for yourself or your own children, OP. When I moved out I took a lot of stuff I'd done. It does also sound as if there's quite a lot of it. I mean, my parents didn't keep most of the paintings and things I made them but I'm not offended as there would have been boxes of stuff which whilst created with love had outlived its purpose. I would just say to her that you'd like her to keep some of the things and maybe pick them together?

Canyouforgiveher Sat 10-Jan-15 13:49:55

My mum did this too. Once she reached about 70/75 every letter she sent me had a copybook or a picture or card I made her. I loved it. I got a complete set of my school reports one time. I liked it. She treasured those things when I was a child and still treasured them enough to want me to have them.

r80s Sat 10-Jan-15 13:50:13

Well of course she's going to die one day. But she gleefully turns up with a box of "my stuff" very happy to offload it. Its not a you might be interested in this, its more a Im so happy to get rid of this stuff. The fridge magnet I made when I was little out of that stuff you baked was hardly taking up room on her fridge and has been there 20+ years.

JustTenMinutesPeace Sat 10-Jan-15 13:50:14

I would think she treasured these items enough to keep them all these years.
Obviously you any help how you feel but what would you want her to do with them now? Display them? If they will just sit in a box for another lot of years, where is the harm in her giving them to you so you can find bits you might treasure?!
Also, if there's anything you would really like her to have, you can give it back go her. Maybe with a wee note saying how you remembered making it/ the photo being taken etc.
I loved seeing the stuff my gran kept that I made her. For that reason I keep all the random clay sculptures that my dd1 made even though they don't resemble anything... Dd can choose to let them go eventually.

petalunicorn Sat 10-Jan-15 13:53:53

My dm did this, although volumes weren't large, she did it because she wanted to give it to us whilst she was young enough to be able to look at it with us and not come across it all when sorting the house when she was dead. It also coincided with first grandchild, which I suspect wasn't a coincidence. I didn't find it hurtful, but as I have put away a few mementos from my own child I can't imagine wanting to hand them over, but maybe I will, who knows?

r80s Sat 10-Jan-15 13:55:00

Mother is only 65 and in good health. I don't think many of these items are treasured , they have a big house and they've only come across most of them as they are clearing the loft.

mytartanscarf Sat 10-Jan-15 13:56:11

r80s, how old is your mum and has she by any chance (so sorry if I'm way off the mark!) recently been widowed?

My dad started doing similar stuff after my mum died.

Flomple Sat 10-Jan-15 13:56:55

I am the same with my mum. She has given me all 'my' baby photos. I felt a bit rejected, like she didn't need any mementos of my childhood now that she had grandchildren to replace them with. Logically this is silly, I know, but part of me wishes she thought a baby pic of me is worth hanging onto. Binning them without offering to me first would put an even lower value on them IYSWIM, soshe's in a no-win situation really.

I have a similar dilemma with handmade, extremely unique things she knitted for my children as babies. You can't hang on to everything, and when the time came to get rid I felt I should offer them back to her first rather than give them away elsewhere. However, that risks offending her for failing to keep the cardis forever.

Viviennemary Sat 10-Jan-15 13:57:13

I can see why you are hurt by this. But perhaps she is intending to downsize or just has too much stuff to fit in her house. But if they have plenty of room she should just keep it or chuck it. Not give it back.

squoosh Sat 10-Jan-15 13:57:29

I can see why you're hurt. She isn't cherishing your childhood the way you'd like her too, she sees it as clutter that needs to be cleared.But some people just aren't sentimental types and don't need 'things' as mementoes.

mytartanscarf Sat 10-Jan-15 13:57:49

Sorry, we cross posted with her age smile

Bonsoir Sat 10-Jan-15 13:58:51

I don't like "mementoes" of my childhood. I find them a bit creepy.

paxtecum Sat 10-Jan-15 14:00:04

Are they planning to move house?

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