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to be worried about 17yo who said he was offered cocaine

(19 Posts)
teenagedirtbag1 Fri 09-Jan-15 19:47:20

i know that the fact he told me is GOOD
he definitely refused it then

he has just this week started a job in a professional kitchen
from what i have been told by girls in their 20s at my workplace (office) who have worked in restaurants etc it is very common with chefs

he is full time commis chef

i am worried about going forward though.

I have text him today to say i am very proud he said no and told me and that i had been told that people at work said the come down is awful and although people think it makes them sharper and faster in reality it doesnt.

he is very clever, relatively troublesome, bad socially (aspergers questioned at school but never went anywhere) but i am the parent he will occasionally connect with.

how does anyone suggest i keep lines of communication open?
(communication is a very weak point, and really i am shocked he actually told me. i know he smokes but does it surreptitiously. i suspect strongly that he smokes weed on occasion. (think i smelt it on him) not spoke about weed but he knows i know he smokes cigs but it is the unwritten rule not to talk about it

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 09-Jan-15 19:53:43

I think it's amazing he told you! But in terms of communication, I think you almost have to do nothing now. If you start pushing to discuss it all the time, he'll likely clam up. So I'd sort of lean back, but try and find occasions to just hang out with him. His shifts are likely crazy? So maybe doing him the odd full cooked breakfast before he starts work, then just sitting chatting while he eats it, that sort of thing.

It is rife in hospitality.

teenagedirtbag1 Fri 09-Jan-15 20:00:12

sort of sorry i text him about it now actually
i leave for work 7.40 and get home 5.30
he seems at the moment to work 10 (leave home 9.30) till 3(?) unsure when the day one finishes, but then works 5 - close (last night left at 11.20)
he is at work now.
i will try and offer him a brekky in the morning (he REALLY doesnt get on with his dad so hope he isnt around)

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 09-Jan-15 20:03:18

Split shifts are such a bugger. Maybe you could meet him for a coffee at 3 on a Saturday or some thing?

Also do some reading yourself so you are aware - I think know the score is a good website?

Don't beat yourself up - you've obviously done a lot of things right!

maddy68 Fri 09-Jan-15 20:06:09

It's really commonplace now. A huge proportion of my friends do it so maybe I'm slightly skewed however I went to a concert last week and I was gobsmacked. Almost everyone was openly using cocaine.

fedupandfeelingold Fri 09-Jan-15 20:45:30


notquiteruralbliss Fri 09-Jan-15 20:51:41

Mine were offered it considerably younger than 17. It is so commonplace these days. Being offered doesn't mean they will use it though.

fedupandfeelingold Fri 09-Jan-15 21:05:19

I know thanks
Glad he told me
Will let you know if we get to discuss further!

BoundForFreedom Fri 09-Jan-15 21:16:41

My dp is a chef, a lot of the people she works with use both coke and ketamine regularly. She doesn't take drugs and while she has been offered them several times by her colleagues, she's never been pressured to say yes.

Norfolkandchance1234 Fri 09-Jan-15 21:26:06

It's amazing he told you and yes it's commonplace in the hospitality industry. The fact he told you is of course great. He may want to try it in which case he may also want to tell you. So be understanding about it I guess so it doesn't become a secret issue. Let's hope he doesn't.

chrome100 Fri 09-Jan-15 23:20:41

Honestly? He's 17. He's bound to experiment at some point. If his peers are taking coke socially he may well do too. Try not to worry. If he has a good and open relationship with you - which it seems he does - he will be fine.

Babycham1979 Sat 10-Jan-15 00:26:20

Get over it. Better that he dabbles and he's honest with you. He's (almost) an adult man and you need to let go. Plenty of high-achieving, 'good' people enjoy recreational drugs. You may not approve, but that's irrelevant. It's not a moral issue, and he's about to become an adult. Let him be one.

MaMaMarmoset Sat 10-Jan-15 01:21:59

YABU, he told you that means he isn't interested. I think it's great that you know that- peace of mind!

babycham op hasn't made a moral judgment, cocaine is dangerous. It's totally normal for adults to worry their children (even adults ones) might be taking unnecessary risks.

Bulbasaur Sat 10-Jan-15 04:47:12

Babycham Adults don't do drugs, petulant children do. Your actions define you and people using drugs don't fall into the "good" category, they fall into the "immature" category for the same reason people who drink until they pass out do. He is being an adult for refusing the cocaine.

Cocaine is a hard drug, and it's dangerous. I've seen what it can do to people and how drug addiction can utterly destroy you as a person. The fact your son told you what happened and refused is awesome! smile

In the mean time I wouldn't ask about information, just let him tell you what he wants. Talk to him about your day, some fun things you did, ask about his, and see if he bites.

If it's any consolation, typically aspies see very black and white. So if he thinks cocaine is bad, it's probably not going to change anytime soon.

Glastokitty Sat 10-Jan-15 05:18:25

That's nonsense Bulbasaur. I dabbled in my 20s as did many of my friends. We all had good jobs and lives and are now matronly forty somethings with happy lives and some great memories. I think the OP should be proud of her son.

Bulbasaur Sat 10-Jan-15 05:25:46


Yes, you did it in your 20's when you were still young and dumb. That's exactly my point about only immature children doing hard drugs.

Thank you for proving my point. smile

Glastokitty Sat 10-Jan-15 07:30:02

Err, I wasn't that young, and I wasn't dumb in the slightest, I had a great job and a great life, as I do now. I had a bloody good time too.

DropYourSword Sat 10-Jan-15 07:34:54

So what about someone who takes recreational drugs occasionally in their 30s, 40's 50's etc bulbosaur. Are they still defined as petulant children? I'm sure there are plenty that do dabble infrequently, would they be called immature. What about if they were well respected professionals?

maddy68 Sat 10-Jan-15 10:10:21

Bulbosaur. That really is nonsense. My friends are all in their 40s. They certainly didn't take cocaine 10 years ago.

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