Can't work out if this is a bad idea or a necessary one:
I have recently split very amicably from my partner of nearly 6 years. We lived together for three of those years, and housework was an ongoing issue for me. He was the classic 'doesn't see the mess' type, and I kept going through the same cycle over and over again:
Decide to leave it - don't be a martyr, etc
Find it hard to relax in disgusting house/run out of dishes or space/someone is coming over, so I clean up
Get cross and talk to him about it - he doesn't care if it's messy or not, I should clean it up if it bothers me, gets upset that I am criticising him.
I feel naggy and resentful - how come it's always me that cleans up, maybe I should be more laid back, his way is just as 'right' as mine, etc
Decide I hate being the 'naggy wife' more than I hate the mess, so decide to just leave it again.
Repeat from start.
So we split up at my suggestion, but with his full agreement for other reasons - we just didn't see ourselves together as a long term couple. I didn't mention the housework at the time, but if I'm honest, it was a major factor. I just didn't want my life to forever involve cleaning up after a lazy manchild.
Since the split we have continued to co habit while I look for another place, and I'm moving out next week. So my question is, should I ruin the peace of our final week by bringing up housework for one last time, or should I just leave it? What if it sabotages his next relationship as well - do I owe it to him to give him a heads-up?
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To ell him that housework is one of the main reasons I'm going?
59 replies
tigermoll · 09/01/2015 15:42
OP posts:
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