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to be so sick of being the only one who complains

(90 Posts)
sliceofsoup Thu 08-Jan-15 17:24:49

DH is all big talk when we are in the house (I tune out mostly) but as soon as he is out and about he turns into "mister nice guy" and its really pissing me off.

Tonight he wanted to get a chippy for tea so we stopped off on the way home from his work. Get home and realise that even though he ordered chicken goujons (for me) they have given us chicken nuggets which are obviously cheaper, and rank. So we have been charged goujons prices for cheap crap I could have got in Iceland.

His meal is fine, so he says with a big sigh do you want me to go back. By which time his will be cold so I can hardly send him back, and as it wasnt me that ordered it I dont want to go back. I am pissed off. Even if he lifted the phone and complained I would feel like he actually cares, and if it was his meal he wouldnt have asked me should he go back he just would have. So they are all enjoying their dinner while I am not. At all. Its going in the bin.

Its not just this. In restaurants if we have bad service, or in shops, he will just wait until I say something even though hes pissed off too and is telling me so.

It just feels like he never sticks up for me.

I have been in a shitty mood today so maybe thats making me overreact.

comedycentral Thu 08-Jan-15 17:50:53

I am wondering why you feel you need to have him stick up for you?

RandomNPC Thu 08-Jan-15 17:55:57

YABU. You're a grown woman. You should stand up for yourself.

RandomNPC Thu 08-Jan-15 17:57:17

Aren't goujons just long nuggets? It's still the same mashed up chicken bits inside. hmm

ADishBestEatenCold Thu 08-Jan-15 18:03:52

"as it wasnt me that ordered it"

Were you with him when he ordered? Perhaps he accidentally ordered Nuggets instead of Goujons and so can't complain, but is unwilling to admit this to you.

GokTwo Thu 08-Jan-15 18:04:51

I am the one who complains about things like this whereas DW doesn't like to "cause a fuss" so I do know what you mean. Having said that I don't think I could be bothered to go back out to the chippy over a mistake like that. I'd just shrug and eat up!

Weathergames Thu 08-Jan-15 18:05:01

Was thinking the same re goujons - or do they have real chicken in them?

YAB a bit U.

Marcipex Thu 08-Jan-15 18:08:06

I wouldn't bother to go back, we would just share whatever was eatable.

googoodolly Thu 08-Jan-15 18:10:34

You're an adult! If you have a problem, sort it yourself. It's not upto your DH to complain for you.

londonrach Thu 08-Jan-15 18:13:58

Yabu. You both adults you both able to complain. You sure the nuggets werent ordered by your dh in which case yanbu.

Summerisle1 Thu 08-Jan-15 18:14:10

I'm not actually sure what you want him to do though. I'd be pretty damned disappointed to get nuggets when I ordered goujons but equally, is there any reason why everyone else's meal has to go cold because yours was wrong?

In this case I'd have phoned back and said I'd been given the wrong food and then gone and got it replaced. Or, more likely, shared everyone else's round! I can't see why your husband has to take the blame for someone else's mistake here.

sliceofsoup Thu 08-Jan-15 18:14:29

No goujons are actual mini fillets and these nuggets are basically chicken dippers.

We haven't complained or gone back, but we paid for the more expensive goujons and been given nuggets. Its the principle of the thing.

And no I wasnt in the shop with him and he swears he ordered goujons. I dont doubt him because he knows I dont like nuggets.

He ordered therefore he should complain. Otherwise its just some randomer complaining.

Oh well. Aibu.

Permanentlyexhausted Thu 08-Jan-15 18:18:52

Why can't you go back to the chippy and change you meal and leave everyone else to eat theirs whilst it's hot? Why don't you pick up the phone to complain?

Summerisle1 Thu 08-Jan-15 18:19:32

You are coming across as someone who'd much rather whinge about everyone else getting the right food than you would find a solution. Just ask your DH to phone up and get the nuggets replaced with goujons. It's a mistake. Not the end of the fucking world.

Permanentlyexhausted Thu 08-Jan-15 18:20:15

Or just order it yourself next time.

sliceofsoup Thu 08-Jan-15 18:24:42

He wont phone. Thats the point. Its got very little to do with the actual food and a lot to do with 1) being overcharged 2) his attitude because his meal was fine so he just went and started eating and 3) maybe I am just fucking sick of having to think for everyone and sort everyone and put everyone else first yet he can never be bloody arsed to do the same back.

I may be unreasonable but tbh I dont care. I am fed up of thinking for him and organising him and making sure he is happy when its very rarely returned.

Eminybob Thu 08-Jan-15 18:27:43

Are you sure that the chippy doesn't just call these cheap nuggets goujons? Or have you had actual goujons from there before?

But I do know what you mean DP would never complain and doesn't like me complaining either.

Permanentlyexhausted Thu 08-Jan-15 18:32:30

Well, he asked you if you wanted him to go back and you said no. Make up your flipping mind. He offered to go and sort it out and you turned his offer down so there's not much point being in a strop about it now, is there!

RandomNPC Thu 08-Jan-15 18:32:54

Here comes the dripfeeding

Blistory Thu 08-Jan-15 18:35:42

I don't think posters are realising that it's got feck all to do with the goujons OP?

Are there things that he does take responsibility for, both in thinking terms and action, or is it always you ?

RandomNPC Thu 08-Jan-15 18:40:57

No, Blistory, as is AIBU tradition:
1. OP asks AIBU?
2. People say er, yes you are actually.
3. OP starts to drip-feed, changing the original point to appear more reasonable.

AnnaBegins Thu 08-Jan-15 18:42:10

I think I get what you are feeling, as DH is similar, I have to be the one to complain or return faulty items etc, even if he bought them, as he suddenly turns mouse like despite being a competent human being!

The couple of things I've recently left for him to deal with have either not been returned or we've ended up with a really poor deal (eg refunded but paying double postage) that it's not been worth it.

Not found a solution yet, as I'm quite good at complaining and getting results!

sliceofsoup Thu 08-Jan-15 18:44:26

Its hardly dripfeeding. I thought that it was clear from the OP it couldn't be just about some battered chicken but then the real/formed debated started so I realised I should clarify.

I have had goujons from there before that were proper ones so its not just what they call goujons.

I actually hadn't realised until today how little he takes responsibility for. He does his fair share of housework and childcare but I have to nag and point out what all needs done. He works and hes always on time and reliable etc but thats it. And its not a stressful or long hours job. Though to hear him you would think it is.

If I ask him to do stuff he will do it, its the having to ask and remind that pisses me off.

And btw just to clarify, when he asked did I want him to go back I didnt actually say no. I didnt say anything. I just served up the DCs and by then he had sat down to eat his.

HerRoyalNotness Thu 08-Jan-15 18:46:52

I read the OP general point to be, this time it was over the goujons but generally he is the same with everything.

I agree, it's nice sometimes for the DH to step up and do the complaining/righting of wrongs, so that the DW doesn't have to be the one to ALWAYS sort out the problems.

<petty situation alert> I have the same when ordering takeout. DH will say, shall we have takeout. Yes I say. DH: ok, order it then........ we will often have chinese, and due to my antipodean accent, they find it VERY hard to understand me, so I get VERY frustrated doing the order. He knows this, and it would be a kindness for him to order now and then...... After 9yrs he has finally started sharing the ordering burden

ADishBestEatenCold Thu 08-Jan-15 18:54:01

Permanentlyexhausted makes a really good point, OP. By your own admission he offered to take the food back and you said no.

Why did you say no?

Was it because his meal would then be cold? Simple. As the extra trip was due to the takeaway shop's error, when returning your meal your DH could have pointed out that doing so had caused his meal to go cold and so he would want a replacement for both meals.

Was it because of your DH's "big sigh" that he gave when he offered to return it? Maybe, if you had then accepted his offer you would have allowed him to be the martyr with a cold meal, whereas if you didn't accept you would be the martyr with the inferior meal! Maybe you were both in competition for the family martyr-ship!! grin

Either way, you should have let him take it back, if it mattered. If it didn't matter, then fair enough to not accept his offer to return it, but not fair to then complain.

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