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To not want to let her have our house?

(94 Posts)
Ladybird20 Thu 08-Jan-15 11:57:06

The house is rented. We love it. lovely area, lovely neighbours, nice walks near by, lovely pub within walking distance.

We've only been here for about 6 months but as soon as we moved in we instantly felt settled. We're so happy here.

DH's exW has just split up with her BF, he's temporarily moved in with his Mum whilst she finds somewhere to live. She moved the children to live with him (about an hour away) so they moved school etc. They'd only been together 5 minutes so tbh this split was always pretty inevitable (she doesn't have a great track record!).

So now she's trying to find somewhere to live and is struggling. Her old employer has given her a job so she wants to come back to this area. Which is great as far as the 2 DC are concerned, it will mean contact with DH will be much easier and they can start midweek contact again. Excellent.

So on Sunday she picked the kids up from our house and saw that one of the houses on our Avenue is up to let. She said ''oooo wouldn't that be lovely if the children could live across the road from their Dad?'' Although I don't fancy the ex being so close, I do agree it would be wonderful for the children.
Anyway, DH said ''it would but it's really overpriced, it's £200pcm more than this one, it's got an extension but I don't think it's worth the extra money''.
It was left at that.

Then on Tuesday DH got an email asking if he would let her and the children move in to our house and we move in to the one down the road.
We thought she was having a laugh. She wasn't.

DH has said that there are plenty of other houses in the area and we will do anything we can to help with the move, but to ask us to move house is just totally unreasonable.

Her arguments are: DSS (9) has behavioural problems and she thinks living near DH will really help him. She can't afford the bigger, more expensive house but we can (we can't). She wants the DC to go to the school which we live on the door step of, it is an excellent school and she thinks it will suit DSS better because it's small. However, she doesn't have a chance of getting in there as it's so over subscribed, even people who live a few streets away can't get in. When we moved I didn't even bother trying to get my DS in to the school as I know there's no chance.

She's turned really nasty now saying thinks like ''you're a selfish prick, you only think about her and her kids'' (my kids are also HIS kids). And ''you have a responsibility to provide all your children with the same standard of living''. DH's response to that was ''they can come and live with us then''.

But she does this kind of thing, once she's decided that she wants something she won't give in until she gets it and she actually convinces herself that she's being totally reasonable and anybody who dares to disagree with her is a bastard.

She did something similar years ago. When they first split up she moved in to a council house (her choice, she didn't want the marital home). After a couple of years she decided she needed the marital home and asked DH to swap houses. He didn't want her house but we were at a point in our relationship where we were considering moving in together so he moved in to my house and let her have the marital home. Since then the house has been sold.
But I can see in her eyes, she got what she wanted previously, so she should be able to do it again.

And even if we did agree to her having this house, there's no guarantee that the landlord would agree to it.

I do suspect that part of the reason for doing this is because she'll struggle getting somewhere in her name. She has bad credit. DH got declined for credit a few months ago and when we checked his credit report there was something on there from her, some debts had been taken over by a debt management company and it was showing on his credit file because they were still financially linked on there. That's all been rectified now.
There's no chance that we can risk her living in a house that we're financially liable for. We had all that when she was living in the marital home, she sometimes wouldn't pay her half of the mortgage so DH would have to pay it all.

Sorry this has turned out to be a bit of an essay, didn't want to drip feed.

Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable.

DH pays more than minimum child maintenance, she is in a very well paid job and earns about the same as DH and I do jointly. Yes DH wants to make sure his DC are in a decent house and we genuinely will help her with a deposit and the actual house move if she needs it. But this is just too much isn't it?

SaucyJack Thu 08-Jan-15 12:00:47

No words dude grin

QuintlessShadows Thu 08-Jan-15 12:00:47

Youd be mad to even consider it.

Your landlord has a contract with YOU. There will be all sorts of legal complications.

Nomama Thu 08-Jan-15 12:01:21

Yes it is!

All I can suggest is that your DH gets it all noted legally and girds his loins for a bit of a fight.

She is, by the sound of it, a proper little madam, a poppet princess. Hopefully the kids won't catch too much of it!

LaurieFairyCake Thu 08-Jan-15 12:03:06

Obviously you can't, just ignore her outrageous demands.

Maroonie Thu 08-Jan-15 12:03:11

Sounds like a bad idea to me.
Really odd to expect someone to move house for her, particularly if it's not above board with your landlord then in pretty sure it's not legal.

londonrach Thu 08-Jan-15 12:04:25

Landlord has contract with you. You cant just sublet and change houses. Tell her let. Yanbu.

TheWitTank Thu 08-Jan-15 12:05:08

You can't sub let your house. I'm sure it would be a violation of your contract. Aside from that, let her find her own house, stop answering her on that subject, and just focus on the children. Yanbu.

tabulahrasa Thu 08-Jan-15 12:05:28

WTF? No, no, YANBU.

sillymillyb Thu 08-Jan-15 12:06:36

She sounds genuinely a bit bizarre to have even asked you!

JustSpeakSense Thu 08-Jan-15 12:09:35


'No' is a complete sentence!

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 08-Jan-15 12:09:46

Hahaha. This is so awful I can hardly believe it's real. grin

Anway, YAN BEING REMOTELY UN-FUCKING-REASONABLE she is a spoilt manipulative princess and she needs to get a grip.

Just tell your DH to stand firm, close this nonsense right down immediately and refuse to enter into any kind of a debate over it. She is completely and utterly taking the piss and the sooner your DH tells her that the better it will be.

AlpacaMyBags Thu 08-Jan-15 12:10:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApprenticeViper Thu 08-Jan-15 12:11:40

WTAF?!?!?! Er, I think "no, YANBU" would just about cover it!

Her credit issues are her problem, not yours or your DH's. You have offered to have the children live with you, but I would bet she wouldn't go for that if it meant no maintenance, Child Benefit or Tax Credits being paid to her any more.

As PPs have said, you would almost definitely be in breach of your tenancy agreement by sub-letting to her, and your landlord could terminate your tenancy, so that none of you end up with anywhere to live!

The woman sounds spoilt, tantrumm-y, and not a little barmy.

Redhead11 Thu 08-Jan-15 12:11:48

Tell her to fuck off. Honestly - cheeky cow.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Thu 08-Jan-15 12:12:10

You can't afford it, end of the matter! She sounds like a bit of a spoilt brat. It's a very bizarre request!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Thu 08-Jan-15 12:12:26

YANBU. Ludicrous demand.

expatinscotland Thu 08-Jan-15 12:12:36


Ladybird20 Thu 08-Jan-15 12:12:59

She really is bizarre. The most bizarre thing is that she actually believes in what she says. She convinces herself this is what is best for the children and won't budge whatsoever. It's impossible to reason with her.

I'm almost certain that she'll end up restricting DH's contact with DC in an attempt to make him do what she wants, that's what she usually does.

Before he was with me, he did used to do whatever she wanted, now he doesn't and she doesn't like it. Apparently it's all my fault. Everything is mine or my children's fault hmm

CruCru Thu 08-Jan-15 12:14:41

Hmm. Clearly you are not being unreasonable. However, you will need a plan for how you are going to communicate with her as she is already getting nasty.

PercyGherkin Thu 08-Jan-15 12:15:17

That's hilariously unreasonable.

Send her a link to Zoopla. There must be more than one house to rent in the area!

ApprenticeViper Thu 08-Jan-15 12:16:56

If the contact your DH has with his DCs is court-regulated, then as soon as she tries to reduce contact to get her own way, he needs to go back to the courts.

If it isn't court-regulated, then he should try and get that sorted and formalised asap, but I realise this doesn't help in the short-term.

Has your DH tried asking her what she would do if he was the one asking her to move out of her house to make way for him?

Tyzer85 Thu 08-Jan-15 12:17:56

I'd not even dignify her with a response.

She sounds absolutely batshit bonkers.

FluffyMcnuffy Thu 08-Jan-15 12:19:01

''you have a responsibility to provide all your children with the same standard of living''.

To be fair this statement is completely true, however she's being ludicrous to suggest you move!! Send her some links to cheaper nearby properties?

Dawndonnaagain Thu 08-Jan-15 12:20:54

Crikey, she sounds a bit much.

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