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She is lovely, he is a complete twat......

(14 Posts)
fabfiftyfox Wed 07-Jan-15 12:14:57

I have met and become friendly with a woman at children new school. She is really nice and we seem to be forming a friendship.
I was invited to her house for a coffee and play date for the kids. Her husband was there, we realized we grew up in the same area (though I left a long time ago, him more recently)
When I said exactly where I grew up "Oh, the snobby part"
He was saying how much he like where he lived now as there" weren't as many really offensive and racist word now". When I said "I hadn't heard that expression in forever, thank goodness" He said " Oh you really are a snob then" confused
He really is a twat.
Problem is she wants to start getting together more often with everyone. I would like to keep it just us.
How do I keep putting her off without offending her ?

IsabeauMichelle Wed 07-Jan-15 12:28:52

Do you know what I would say? 'I really like you, but I can't spend time with your husband, as he's a racist knob'.

NancyRaygun Wed 07-Jan-15 12:28:57

I think you will have to say come to my house for coffee, and never go to them and IF she asks you why, you need to be really brave and say: I find your husband's views very hard to take and I think its best I don't see him again. If she agrees with him then...you don't want a friend like that anyway.

upthewolves Wed 07-Jan-15 12:33:52

What did she say in reaction to her husband's comments? If she didn't look uncomfortable/ embarrassed she probably holds the same views and you'd be better without either of them. In my experience couples tend to align on these things (I could never ever accept racism in a partner).
Well done for challenging him though.

MrsTawdry Wed 07-Jan-15 12:33:52

She can't be that nice if she's chosen to be with such a twat. Sorry that's blunt but I would and do judge people on their life partners.

magpieginglebells Wed 07-Jan-15 12:35:58

If she didn't pull him up on what he said then I would question how nice she is.

IsabeauMichelle Wed 07-Jan-15 12:36:42

MrsTawdry, I can't agree with that. My exh was a horrible bigot, but I didn't know that for ages, and by the time I found out what he was really like, I was already pregnant with dd. I stayed with him for a few more years to try and make it work for dd, as you do. But I've never been a racist just because he was confused

peggyundercrackers Wed 07-Jan-15 12:46:46

just because he has these views doesn't mean she does too - people in a relationship are allowed their own independent views. not everyone needs to like everything about other people, if you like her just get on with it - if she says something you don't like then either say something or back away.

as for the people saying just tell her you don't like her DH views, even though you don't know her that well - people in RL don't do that...

fredfredgeorgejnr Wed 07-Jan-15 12:51:41

Either she agrees with his views, in which case it doesn't matter if you say no you don't want to see here, or she doesn't in which case she'll be fine with you telling her the real reason.

wanttosqueezeyou Wed 07-Jan-15 12:56:27

I'm assuming he said 'nigger'.

If so I wouldn't go there and I wouldn't send my children either and I would explain (as pleasantly as possible) to your friend the honest reason. Life's too short to spend it in the company of people like him.

Rafflesway Wed 07-Jan-15 13:19:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fabfiftyfox Wed 07-Jan-15 17:17:46

She's not British so I doubt very much she has any idea that he is being a prat.
No it wasn't the N word either. I would have said something.
Much courser and regional.
I will continue to meet up with her and try and avoid the husband. I probably will end up saying why I'd rather not meet the hubby again though.

awfulomission Wed 07-Jan-15 17:22:15

We have a very similar situation. She's great - he's a chippy, aggressive, inverted snob who's an absolute bully.

We arrange to meet in the evenings now, under the pretence from me and another friend, of a ladies' meal out. It helps that she's a friend from before DC so this isn't unusual.

Just make specific arrangements with her. Or when you know he'll be working.

maninawomansworld Wed 07-Jan-15 18:29:40

Just stay away from him, if she gets funny about it then drop her too. Life is far too short to suffer people you don't like.

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