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To be annoyed about parents leaving their home 35 mins away at the time they were due to be at mine?

(17 Posts)
IfuckingHateIkea Tue 06-Jan-15 19:22:11

My parents live 35 minutes away. AIBU to be pissed off that I get a call from them at the time that they were DUE at my house that they have not even left yet? They have form for this. Sometimes I have been waiting around for 20-30 minutes, give them a ring to see where they are and they are all 'oh sorry yes we are just leaving now, in about 5 mins'. If I raise this with them I just get rolled eyes from them, no apologises etc.

It actually makes me fume!

HappyAgainOneDay Tue 06-Jan-15 19:23:26

Stop inviting them. Or are they coming to babysit? That would be cross-making.

HappenstanceMarmite Tue 06-Jan-15 19:24:11

No YANBU. But others will disagree as they were not attending a formal appointment.

OhShittingHenry Tue 06-Jan-15 19:24:40

In future take this into account when telling them what time you want them. Solved.

Bulbasaur Tue 06-Jan-15 19:26:24

Depends on why they're coming over.

If there's a specific time clock, they're being rude.

If it's just to visit and have a glass, I'd relax and let go.

Bogeyface Tue 06-Jan-15 19:27:29


My sister seems to regard leaving her house within 30 minutes of when she was due to arrive at wherever she is going as "on time" angry

I waited 40 minutes for her once, the next time I left after 10 because I said I assumed she wasnt coming. She has got a bit better since but not much.

If they are coming for lunch or something then could you just start without them? It will only take a couple of missed meals for them to get the message.

My mother is also habitually late, which wouldnt be so bad if it werent for the fact that she is on the phone to me if I am even 5 minutes late getting to her (which is v v rare, I am v anal about punctuality).

Mitzi50 Tue 06-Jan-15 19:31:40

.YANBU - it's such bad manners both my mother and exDH would do this. If my mother is involved and we have to be somewhere on time, I lie about the time we need to leave

youmakemydreams Tue 06-Jan-15 19:34:48

YANBU ex mil was like this. In the end if I wanted a specific time I told her half an hour earlier. She used to travel from the other side of town that in the evening could take 15 minutes. It was the main rush hour thoroughfare though so it could also be chaos at certain times and generally busy all day and she always seemed surprised that there were other cars on the road.

FreeWee Tue 06-Jan-15 19:39:58

My PILs are like this. We now tell them 15 or 30 mins before. When we last went for a meal my MIL had to be away promptly for an appointment so she called us when we were 10 mins late (despite actually still being 5 mins early from the time I'd booked because she'd told me to book for 2 but DD naps till 2.30 so was planning in waking her early at 2 and arrive at 2.15. All of which she knew because I told her)

YANBU to be annoyed at people leaving after they are meant to have arrived. The least they can do is call after they have become late (i.e. after they would have needed to have left to have been there on time).

bubalou Tue 06-Jan-15 19:43:42

When you arrange something tell them half an hour before you actually need them there.

This is what we have to do with mil and Fil.

Unfortunately they only live 7-10 mins away but are always fucking late! Always!!! Usually by 30mins and more!!!! confusedconfusedconfused

Shockers Tue 06-Jan-15 19:46:14

Um... Are you me? My parents are tardy gits and I also fucking hate IKEA.

My mother made me late for everything as a child. I hated that too.

Bogeyface Tue 06-Jan-15 19:53:03

I think that my sister and mum both suffer with "It'll only take 2 minutes" syndrome.

They look at what they need to do and think of the shortest time it has ever taken them to do it, then halve that and thats the time they allow of the task. So if, on a good day, they could get dressed, organised and out of the door in 20 minutes, they will allow 10 because they woefully underestimate how long it actually takes them. then because they think they have such a large amount of spare time before they need to leave, they start a job that again they have underestimated timewise, so they dont finish in time for even the 10 minute get ready, hence they are always late. Whereas people who are punctual seem to be more realistic about how long it takes them to do things, and seem to get more done.

I remember my friends husband getting mad as hell at the traffic every day when picking his DD up from nursery. Friend was doing nursing training at the time so he had to do it. He was always late. When friend got pissed off at the constant charges and asked why he left at 5:50 instead of 5:30pm he said "But it should only take 10 minutes!" She said "yes, when there is no traffic, but in rush hour it takes 30" "But it SHOULDNT!!" That was his argument, he just kept repeating that it should only take 10 minutes and he would not be swayed from it grin

Bogeyface Tue 06-Jan-15 19:54:15

My mother made me late for everything as a child. I hated that too.

Urgh.....being shouted at to "hurry up!" on a Saturday morning as we ran to the bus stop or she would be late for work.

Me and sis had been ready for ages, it was always her that made us late yet we were the ones that got shouted for it!

FrugalMcDougal Tue 06-Jan-15 20:00:11

I'm going to go against the flow and say that I think with family arrangements are usually a bit more flexible

Tanith Tue 06-Jan-15 20:00:34

Life has become so much easier since telling my PIL that meals and appointments are an hour earlier than actually planned.

Why don't you try it, Op? Worked for us.

Pico2 Tue 06-Jan-15 20:06:28

My DM is better than she was, but her two tricks were:

The last 20 minutes before she left was the most productive 20 minutes of her day, even though it was the 20 minutes after we were meant to have left. So she wouldn't ever miss out on those 20 minutes.

Everyone else takes time to get ready to go out, but she apparently takes no time at all, so the 5 minute warning I give that we are going out is ignored by DM. She starts getting ready once we are all in coats and shoes, standing by the front door. She then needs to find her stuff, go to the loo etc.

TheBooMonster Tue 06-Jan-15 20:06:53

Lol, we get this sometimes. I love the perfectly vague 'Mid morning" / 'late morning' that almost always means "we'll phone at 12:30 to say we're leaving and will be half an hour but then take a further hour unless you plan your day around the assumption that we'll do that, in which case we'll be on the doorstep at 8:30am"

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