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Aibu to think that since DH hates housework so much I can insist on this

(22 Posts)
Aubrianna Tue 06-Jan-15 09:40:38

My dh is lazy around the house, he just is and has been for the last 15 years. When my kids were little and I was a SAHM it worked fine he worked long hours and I sorted the house.

Now we have 5 children and a house that takes a lot of looking after and we BOTH work the same hours. At the moment we have a nanny who looks after the kids in the day she also does some jobs like all of the washing and cleaning the kids rooms but I do the other housework and shopping and other jobs that need doing.

Dc5 starts part time nursery in 2 weeks so we would then technically only need a nanny for half a day. But in half a day she wouldn't have enough time to do some of the house stuff and I KNOW that it will be ignored by Dh and left to me.

She hasadevthe suggestion that if we keep her full time she would take on more of the house stuff (wider cleaning etc) and spend the morning doing that plus shopping etc.

aibu to insist to dh tgat we do this since I know full well that if we don't it will create arguments and and resentment when there just doesn't need to be any?

I spoke to a family member about it and she was horrified that I would be so lazy to now I just feel I AM unreasonable.

Vvvoom Tue 06-Jan-15 09:43:19

Sounds like the perfect solution to me. I sometimes think it's best not to tell anyone how you manage home/kids/work as so many people have strong opinions about the way others live their lives.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup Tue 06-Jan-15 09:43:24

I don't see a problem in what is suggested.

JeanSeberg Tue 06-Jan-15 09:43:25

Just do it, you don't need to insist on anything to your husband. If he can't be arsed to do it, you don't need his permission to have a cleaner (or nanny fulfilling the cleaning duties).

However, I'd still expect him to do his share at weekends and in the evening as no doubt you will still have to. Otherwise it sends a terrible message to the kids.

PasstheDaimbars Tue 06-Jan-15 09:44:59

Why, just how exactly would this make you lazy?

Bugger to that as I see it you're getting more value for your money, paying out the same and getting more done. In fact I say you're being wasteful if you dont do it!!!

BingBongMerrilyOnHigh Tue 06-Jan-15 09:45:31

Just do it. Or, if you want, you could reduce nanny's hours slightly & get a cleaner for a few hours a week as well?

Greywackejones Tue 06-Jan-15 09:47:00

You're mates two stops past Dagenham.

You both work ft. If you can afford it you SHOULD do it so you can do family stuff.

Imo anway

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Tue 06-Jan-15 09:47:40

The thing is you may lose the nanny as part time wage may not be enough for her.

I would keep the nanny on full time as then for school hoildays you will be covered.

Greywackejones Tue 06-Jan-15 09:47:52

I would agree specifics with nanny tho very carefully or just get a prof. Cleaner

EarSlaps Tue 06-Jan-15 09:50:31

If you can afford it then why not? It means you won't need to worry about breakfast clubs and holiday care etc. I'd imagine that if her hours were cut she might need to look for other work, which might mean her leaving you.

How you run your house is no-one's business other than your family's.

newmumwithquestions Tue 06-Jan-15 09:50:40

You have 5 kids and work? Don't sound lazy to me! If you can afford to keep her on full time then do it. Or you could get a cleaner to blitz the place once a week. Just do whatever you want to keep your home running well.

UptheChimney Tue 06-Jan-15 09:51:52

I spoke to a family member about it and she was horrified that I would be so lazy to now I just feel I AM unreasonable

You are clearly not lazy, and not unreasonable at all.

It's your DH who is the lazy one, if you both work FT.

I'm jealous of your nanny, wish I could have found one like that when I needed it. Come to think of it, I could do with a nanny like that all for me!

FishWithABicycle Tue 06-Jan-15 10:01:19

If you're working the same hours out of the house then absolutely the rules should be the same for both of you wrt domestic tasks, so YANBU to have additional paid help if he's not going to pull his weight. However, if he's doing significant work in the garden or DIY then that counts towards his share.

In the interests of ensuring your children don't grow up to be self-entitled brats who don't know how to use a drying-up cloth or dustpan and brush, might you agree with him that for one hour each weekend everyone in the house large or small does a bit of housework, but everything else gets done by a cleaner or your nanny/housekeeper.

mineallmine Tue 06-Jan-15 10:09:02

That's a nobrainer, as far as I'm concerned, it will take so much pressure off you- you'll just have to cook dinner and clean up after - and bring in the whoever cooks, the other cleans up rota. Who wouldn't want that??? And as a pp said, your holidays will be covered too.

Romeorodriguez Tue 06-Jan-15 10:13:52

Would a nanny be happy doing the cleaning though?

OnlyLovers Tue 06-Jan-15 10:20:26

I think the family member needs a kick up the arse for being so rude.

But no, you're not lazy or unreasonable.

I do agree though that EVERYONE in the household, all adults and all kids when old enough, should do a bit of housework just so everyone knows how to do it and no one thinks they're above it. It'll stand everyone in good stead!

dinkystinky Tue 06-Jan-15 10:25:15

Do it - that way you have coverage for ill children/inset days/school holidays/deliveries etc with someone you know and like - and it sounds like she'd be happy to do the nanny/house carer work as she suggested it. Agree a cleaning rota for each day with the nanny to start and additional blitz tasks (like tackling outgrown clothes/sewing etc) that she'd be happy to do too if she has time.

PixieofCatan Tue 06-Jan-15 10:27:44

Do it. It also means that, if the kids are ill, that your nanny is there if you need her to cover.

Mrsjayy Tue 06-Jan-15 10:28:24

If your nanny is happy being housekeeper/nanny then why the hell not life is far to short to be worrying about this it isn't lazy its employing someone to do it

stitch10yearson Tue 06-Jan-15 10:31:38

sounds like the perfect solution to me

ChristmasMarketCrazy Tue 06-Jan-15 11:59:21

if the nanny is happy to do this then I would definitely do it. As a nanny myself I wouldn't be able to afford part time hours, I have a mortgage and bills to pay too! so it may be the only way to keep your current nanny.

TheFriar Tue 06-Jan-15 12:03:48

Wo any hesitation, I would keep your full time nanny.
Not only you will get the help you need. But it also means she would be there fir the hols, when a child is ill, when one needs to be picked up early/late etc...

No hesitation there IMO.
And it rounding make you lazy either. You have 5dcs(!!!) and work full time. I'm guessing your family members has no or much fewer children?

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