AIBU to drink as much as I do(137 Posts)
I have changed name blah blah blah
I work really hard. Really hard. I am well compensated. I earn c. £300 K a year. I enjoy my work. I love it.
I also have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. I am married. And most nights I drink at least a bottle of wine. And I love it. It allows me to tune out and turn off from my ludicrously busy life. Most days I can't stop to go to the toilet. That's not just a throw away example of a supposedly busy person. I actually can't take 1-2 minutes to go to the toilet. I don't eat during the day. I just try and juggle and keep body and soul together until the work day ends.
And then I have a drink.
But I can see that I am dependent. And I can't seem to stop it. I have no intention of drip feeding. I'll answer any questions etc. but I wonder AIBU or is this just a reasonable trade off for the business I do.
I don't think you can describe it as a 'reasonable trade off.' Fwiw (and I say this as someone who loves a glass of wine as a wind down after a busy day) there's only so long you'll be able to maintain this kind of lifestyle - I'm including the not eating, not going to the loo etc as well as the drinking.
I'm confused though - what does your salary have to do with it?
I suspect you already know the answer. I understand your post because I have been in the same life and my DH still is. But you are storing up significant health problems for the future, because you are using alcohol as a way to switch off, as your reward for hard work. It's not healthy. Come over to the Dry January thread where a lot of us are going booze free for January - it would be a start, and it might help you gain some perspective. HTH
I think YABU if it affects your family in any way?
Do you feel too tired or stressed to get up early with them at weekends and enjoy time together?
If not YANBU!
Your liver would not agree with you
Next stop, deranged liver function tests. Then chronic pancreatitis, then cirrhosis. If you are lucky and catch it in time you might be spared the alcohol-induced dementia. You won't be earning much by then.
Effectively, what I'm saying is that you might get away with this in the short term, but not the long....
I think you are being unreasonable, mostly to yourself and the kids. You can't sustain it, you will burn out be it physically or mentally. You don't sound very happy and you're questioning it yourself otherwise you wouldn't be posting.
Go and talk to someone about it asap.
My best friends husband has just been diagnosed with what anyfucker mentioned above. It ain't pretty.
Hwhh not drink every other night? Then go two days in between?
You are becoming an alcoholic but you know this already
For any length of time you are drinking at hazardous levels.
YANBU to drink that much if you are going through a - short - stressful time.
Long term it is potentially very dangerous.
IMO it is not a reasonable trade off, if you are working long and stressful hours and spending all your free time in concentrated decompression - what are your partner and family doing? It sounds like the people who should be closest to you are passers by in your life.
It really depends what you want to do about it, do you want to make some changes and what form could these take ? its never as simple as just stopping drinking, you're doing it for a reason and that needs to be unpicked.
Ok. This is probably what I need to hear.
The salary detail is included to explain (if it does) why I do what I do. Why I work as hard as I do and why I allow everything else to take second place (including bodily functions. Crude way of explaining but maybe it makes sense).
I am not from money, I don't have family experience of having money and this way of life seems to me as being a reasonable trade off.
But what you say makes sense. Anyfucker - you are correct. I will do little when I am in the grave.
BCBG - I need to join your club.
How can you function the next day after drinking a bottle of wine a night? Jeez, I hope you don't drive to work!!
That's a dangerous level to be drinking. Alongside not going to the toilet and hardly eating?? It's a recipe for utter disaster.
It is a 99% certainty that you will become ill through it, both physically and psychologically. And AF is right, you won't be earning 300k then. How will that affect your lifestyle, your children, marriage?
To earn that much takes brains. Use them wisely to stop now and do what you need to do.
To me you are abusing alcohol, you can dress it anyway that you like, pretty it up, hell put glitter on it BUT you said it yourself you are dependant... this wont get better, it wont go away and you wont be ok!!
Sorry to be so blunt but you have a problem, a bottle a day bloody hell and as such need to address it before it addresses you and ruins your family.
Excessive and as an addiction counsellor I don't say this lightly.
I've not got a fiver to my name, get paid in 10 days, I work 42 hours a week and I am pregnant.
What does your salary and children and how hard you work have anything to do with drinking.
A bottle a night is stupid and excessive. You wouldn't be asking otherwise.
It's too many units but you know that.
Not eating all day is a bad habit too.
My DH and I used to drink like you. My DH took it further and became an alcoholic and went to rehab in October. He is in recovery but it's bloody tough. I'm not drinking to support him and also because I recognise I have a bad relationship with alcohol.
What do you want to do?
When you say everything else, do you include your family I.e. children?
If so, you should hang your head in shame quite frankly!
When you're dying, think about what your regrets would be. They are unlikely to be "I wished I drank more, earned more, didn't take a piss when needed"
Wow. Timeforabiscuit you are probably right.
I didn't introduce the salary/work issue as a means of stealth boasting (I know how that goes down here). But in my mind I justify how I live because I am a national leader in my field blah blah blah. I have always strived to be the best as in the "measurably obviously best" and that's how I measure how I am doing.
But my family are probably suffering. There's no way I can deny that.
And my little ones don't deserve that.
Can't tell you the amount of nights I have sworn never to drink again….
While I get that you work hard, so do a lot of people. The amount you earn really does not make a difference in my eyes. You can be slogging you guts out on minimum wage. I don't think it's an excuse to constantly binge drink.
Yabu if you think the wine isn't damaging your health.
YABU but so am I so I'm not in the position to judge. I over eat (massively) and my children are the same age as yours, I had a wake up call the other day where I thought I was dying, it scared me to death to think that I wouldn't see my children grow up. I'm dieting and it's the best decision I have ever made.
Short term you like a drink but long term where do you see yourself? In hospital with liver disease or running after your grandchildren with your children in tow.
Ok. Consensus. And it all makes sense. I need to sort it out. Thank you for the reality check.
However it might (justifiably) seem like a cop out I move in a circle where this is completely normal. It's part of what we do. We do a nasty horrible difficult job and then we decompress and that's ok.
But I accept, and agree with, pretty much everything you have all said.
Plenty of people work hard and need to unwind - a 300K income doesn't make you any more special than someone on minimum wage.
If you value your health, your family and your job then you need to cut back.
Read the Dry January thread, if you haven't already. A lot of honesty over there. And people actively doing something about their own drinking levels. I find it inspiring.
Can you take on a less stressful role for the sake of your health, family and sanity?
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