To say something to my mother?

[Twinklestar2]

I have a 21-week-old boy. He's a good sleeper and is generally asleep by half 7/8pm at the latest. Everytime I visit my mum (about once a week, it was more over Xmas) she makes some snarky comment when I'm about to leave to put him to bed because she wants me to stay. Things like 'he needs to get used to late nights at nanny's house', 'so what if he's up all night, you don't have to go to work tomorrow' (currently on maternity leave).


My siblings have children and they were nightmare sleepers because they weren't in a routine. And they stay at my mums house till late. So she expects me to do the same.

Baby starts grizzling at 5.50 like clockwork,the other day I stayed at my mums till 8pm and he was screaming. I said this is the impact of staying a bit longer! It's not like I turn up at 5 and leave at 6, I'm there from midday!

Should I say something? If yes, what?!

[MrsMoppandBucket]

You can confront her and say 'my child my rules'.

Or you can just ignore her comments and do your own thing regardless.

I have a person like this in my life and I will often listen to their comments/digs, smile benignly and do things the way I was going to do them anyway. It discombobulates people!

[drudgetrudy]

I would be very clear with her that you want to keep him in his routine.
Perhaps she is jealous because she and your sister never managed this
I am impressed that my daughter has her kids in a good bedtime routine and they sleep well-I made a right hash of it.
Don't let her spoil it for you.

[pictish]

"I prefer to stick to a routine though, so I'll see you tomorrow/next week/whenever"

Just be calm and state your intention.

[Royalsighness]

This is exactly mine and DH situation with PIL and my parents, our son gets tired at 5:30 and has done since he was 6 months, we put him down at 6 and he sleeps until 6am next day and he's 18 months now.

We don't break the routine for anything because it isn't worth the meltdown that goes on for hours if he gets overtired, Stick with the routine and ignore them! If nanny has him over night and keeps him awake for fun, she will soon learn why you have established a routine.

[HoggleHoggle]

I'm pretty inflexible with the bedtime routine, for good reason / it all goes hellishly wrong when we deviate. I don't mind, it's a small price to pay for a child that sleeps so fwiw I think you're doing the right thing. I'd tell your mum to butt right out. She sounds needy and frankly a bit controlling.

[TheOriginalWinkly]

Tell her you need your DS to be asleep nice and early so you can get ready for an evening of filthy sex. Watch her do a goldfish impression and never mention it again.

[Twinklestar2]

Winks!!!! I actually was open mouthed at that comment!

Needy and controlling... Yes I think those could be words to describe her! And I think she doesn't like it that I'm doing things my way and not like her and my siblings (eg, they all co slept and I don't as I'm too scared!).

[Purplepoodle]

Mil brought a cot (asked us first) so we could do bedtimes at pil if needed. Usually on a Saturday. It worked well for us as we just did bath then bed as normal. Ds had sleeping bag and his comforter so it all helped

[IamTitanium]

Mum, you advising me to make X stay up later so I can spend more time with you is actually having the opposite effect and making me not want to come as I cant stand the shite you give me when I am parenting how I choose to.

[mewkins]

Just ignore her and stick with what you are doing. My dc are exactly the same. Only since dd hit four was she able to be up longer without it turning into a meltdown or it affecting her sleep. When they are little they thrive on a decent bedtime routine.

[Discopanda]

Wow, that's new, it's normally MILs involved in these kind of posts! Smile sweetly and just state that you would rather do it your way as it works for you and him.

[Twinklestar2]

Purple - I did that when I stayed over at MIL at Xmas time but my mother only lives 15-20 mins away in the car so I wouldn't stay over. My son was really good and stuck to his routine there too.

[Twinklestar2]

Disco - My MIL is very supportive of everything I do regarding my son. I think she is just so happy I have given her a grandchild

[Discopanda]

I have the opposite situation to you, I've been really lucky with my mum, her attitude is "It's your child so you know them best, but I'm here if you need advice"