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AIBU to not let my daughter read 50 Shades of grey?

(108 Posts)
Jennco Mon 05-Jan-15 15:52:25

To be fair she is very nearly 17. Whilst I havent read the book, so cannot be a fair judge of content, I am certain it isnt something an impressionable (very innocent) young girl to read? Apparently all of her friends have read it and she knows vaugely what its about.

So AIBU when she will probably be old enough to see the movie upon its release?

Blackout234 Mon 05-Jan-15 15:53:26

yabu. she's already old enough to have sex for crying out loud!

MinceSpy Mon 05-Jan-15 15:54:12

YABU. Realistically you can't ban her, she can get a copy and read it wherever she wants and by 'banning' you just make it seem more attractive.

BertieBotts Mon 05-Jan-15 15:54:31

Let her but also insist she reads this blog alongside it:

hissingcat Mon 05-Jan-15 15:55:07

yabu I think at 17 she's old enough to choose her own reading material.
How could you stop her reading it anyway?

Gautami Mon 05-Jan-15 15:55:18

oh fgs. why are you still vetting what she reads?


SoonToBeMrsB Mon 05-Jan-15 15:55:27

YWBNU to ban her from reading it simply on the basis that it's utter shit.

SoonToBeMrsB Mon 05-Jan-15 15:55:37


magpieginglebells Mon 05-Jan-15 15:55:58

Surely at 17 you can't control what she reads? She's old enough to have sex so surely old enough to read about it.

Gunpowder Mon 05-Jan-15 15:56:44


Allstoppedup Mon 05-Jan-15 15:57:18

It might be a good opportunity to discuss what is and isn't a healthy relationship. The sex didn't really bother me but I didn't like the glamorisation of Christian Grey as I felt he seemed like a total possessive dick splash.

It's a terribly written book and imo didn't have particularly likable characters so she may not even enjoy it. She is 17 though and old enough to make her own literary choices.

BertieBotts Mon 05-Jan-15 15:57:23

Or if that's a bit much say "Sure but you know, real life isn't like that, it's a terrible representation of BDSM and if you read all the bits that "show" you how she's feeling rather than "tell" you it's wonderful and she loves it, she's pretty much going through hell all the way through the book."

Or if she ever uses tumblr, she will know all of that already anyway.

NobodyLivesHere Mon 05-Jan-15 15:57:24

If I had my way I'd prevent anyone on earth reading it, but she is old enough to choose her own dire reading material.

FightOrFlight Mon 05-Jan-15 15:58:09

The only shocking thing about that book is how poorly written it is. YABU.

FreeSpirit89 Mon 05-Jan-15 15:58:41

Yabu - if she's old enough To have sec she's old enough to read about it.

Besides it's a good way to discuss unhealthy relationships, and emotional abuse.

SukieTuesday Mon 05-Jan-15 15:59:16

That's brilliant Bertie.

abigamarone Mon 05-Jan-15 15:59:36

At 17? Not a chance. If she was 7 you might have a point.

My gran tried to stop my mum reading 'Forever Amber' at a similar age and kept hiding it. I'm happy to say she kept finding it again.

gotasecretcanyoukeepit Mon 05-Jan-15 16:00:26

YABU to try and control what she reads - she's 17. YABU to judge something without reading it first. YANBU to be fairly ambivalent about it - I read it to see what the fuss was about and was bored to tears by the sex (I was 22 when I read it) but really worried about the way it romanticizes an abusive relationship. BDSM isn't my thing but between two consenting adults etc, fine - the book portrays a completely unequal relationship where he treats her badly and is controlling but it's all fine because he's just mysterious.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 05-Jan-15 16:00:26

YABU, it's a book, not a way of life. Do you really think it could corrupt her?

Jennco Mon 05-Jan-15 16:00:51

Well when you put it like that Blackout234 I guess you are right grin

Its not really a case of banning her from reading it or vetting what she reads, as she asked me if she could, she asked me my opinion.
I was a little shocked, as she is still my little girl (PFB and all) guess I should let her then. Any warnings she needs to know about? lol - maybe I should read it too :/

Thanks to all posting

Birdsgottafly Mon 05-Jan-15 16:02:05

I've discussed this book with my DD's, my youngest is 17.

It's an abusive relationship, she isn't submissive, she's deluded, he is coercing her, which isn't part of a true Sub/Dom lifestyle, more forced sex.

We've always used Hollyoaks etc to discuss abusive behaviour and are an open sexually family, though.

Education around relationships should of starred earlier, tbh.

Strictly speaking, I don't think it does under 18-20, to experience Dominant sex, any good.

If rather my 17 year old didn't read it, but I suppose it depends on the emotional maturity etc.

I would also like an age restriction on young women doing certain types of Submission Porn, as well.

Speaking as someone who is into the lifestyle.

leedy Mon 05-Jan-15 16:04:28

A friend of mine read it so you/we don't have to:

Birdsgottafly Mon 05-Jan-15 16:04:46

X post.

The books don't portray a BDSM lifestyle.

You could use it to discuss the setting of and respecting personal boundaries.

I've used Geordie Shore as a way of discussing sexism and boundaries, I hate the way the girls leave it to the lads to decide if they are going to have anal sex etc.

Pyjamaramadrama Mon 05-Jan-15 16:04:59

I'm not sure that you can ban her but I understand why you'd hate her to be influenced by it.

I did read it (I'm ashamed to say), and I've no problem with the sex bits as such. I do think the message and the storyline are horrendous.

From what I can remember he rapes her at one point, he stalks her, emotionally abuses her, controls her. There's some very weird bits including a bit that crosses the line to do with her stepfather. All that's fine but this is sold to us as love and ROMANCE ffs.

The message is that every woman just needs a rich controlling man to save her and that bad men can be saved and change for the right woman. Absolute bollocks.

DomiKatetrix Mon 05-Jan-15 16:05:10

Warning - it's shit.
Don't worry, unless she's very impressionable, she'll see its a load of fantasy balls. Not just the sex scenes but the storylines as well.

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