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What you do/have done?

(3 Posts)
tobee Mon 05-Jan-15 01:11:19

Years ago now, when my DCs were pre schoolers, they often went on tea dates with friends, not unusually, and the general thing was that, as an unwritten rule, parents would stay while their DCs were in the friend's house.

A couple of my DCs friend's parents worked most weekdays, so when I was with my DCs at tea I kind of hung out with the nanny. The nannies were all perfectly nice, but a lot younger than me, didn't have much in common with me and I was quite shy, so conversation quite hard work. also the nannies were often busy working.

I always felt somewhat resentful that the working mums didn't ever feel the need to apologise or even let me know in advance that I would be spending time with a nanny who was also often new to the family and, naturally, to me.

I didn't want to seem snobby or stand offish and not chat to the nanny but I always worried that it was a chore for them too, especially when they were working.

Even though these working mums were also my friends, I never mentioned it to them that I felt uncomfortable or anything, but always wondered what other mums would do in the same circumstances because i wondered was I being a mug?

Especially as some of the invitations were "why don't you and your dc come over to tea?" To me that sounded like they were going to be their as my host.

Just curious as to what others would have thought in similar circumstances?

snowspot Mon 05-Jan-15 01:34:47

Just ask, in future, for the mums to warn you if it will be the nanny there. As someone who has been in your position, and the position of the mum, I find it amazing that someone wouldn't mention this in the first place!

I used to be very happy hanging out with a couple of the nannies, they were much younger but we got on well. But some I found hard work so didn't hang out with them during the weekdays, but reserved playmates for the weekends with the parents.

And sometimes, I would check with the nanny, and the parent, that if the nanny was happy to have my DD for a couple of hours, I would give them a bit of money or a voucher (just a fiver, usually it was refused, but I'd give it anyway) and use the time to get some stress-free shopping done.

Blimey, I've wittered on a bit there, haven't I!

tobee Mon 05-Jan-15 09:31:54

Not as long as my original post!

Thanks for the reply. Actually, my DCs are late teens now so it won't arise again (except maybe if I ever become a grann!). It's just something that came up over Christmas reminded me of it.

I've just always had a bit of a suspicion I'm a bit of a mug and others are more assertive than me!

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