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aibu and over sensitive or is dp being a prick?

(17 Posts)
namechanginglifeforme Sun 04-Jan-15 22:25:53

My mum has mental health issues. I feel like her whole personality is different nowadays and she isn't the mum I used to have. Although she isn't going through a bad patch all the time she us never how she was. When she is going through a bad patch she can be very depressed and just sit in the dark, drink alcohol and not wash etc.

Dp and I watched a TV programme about anorexics and afterwards dp said 'It must be hard to live with someone like that. I'd rather live with someone with what your mum has then someone like that."

I found that rude and insensitive and now he's stormed off in a sulk because apparently I'm too judgemental.

OhShittingHenry Sun 04-Jan-15 22:43:27

I think you're being totally over sensitive here and possibly wilfully choosing to take the hump. Maybe he made his point a little clumsily but I can see what he meant. You owe him an apology.

hesterton Sun 04-Jan-15 22:46:20

He's telling you about his feelings around himself in a hypothetical situation - what's wrong with that? I'd ask him why and listen. Then maybe give him my take on it as a debate.

namechanginglifeforme Sun 04-Jan-15 22:47:05

Why do I owe him an apology? He said what he said, I said I find it rude and insensitive and then he called me judgemental and stormed off.

Had the shoe been on the other foot then I would have apologised to the upset person for upsetting them rather than storming off because they are upset. I do think I may be oversensitive but I don't think I owe an apology.

Theboodythatrocked Sun 04-Jan-15 22:47:11

Not sure what he's done wrong?

However must be hard for you op to see your mum so changed

Hassled Sun 04-Jan-15 22:48:22

It sounds like he doesn't really understand quite how hard you're finding it - and it must be incredibly upsetting for you, to see how she's changed. So you need to tell him - it doesn't sound like he was being deliberately insensitive, just maybe lacking in imagination. Sit him down and talk calmly about how hard this is for you.

Littlefish Sun 04-Jan-15 22:49:29

I can't see anything wrong in what he said.

I realise that what he said has upset you, but you have over-reacted.

namechanginglifeforme Sun 04-Jan-15 22:49:45

I see what you mean hesterton but I found it a bit...crass perhaps is the word. We weren't talking about my mum at the time. Say she had cancer for example, I don't think he would have used it as a comparison then.

Cobain Sun 04-Jan-15 23:04:26

I think it can be hard in a relationship when mentioning the others family as it can be lots of listening but then criticism for having an opinion or mentioning what the other has said. I do think you are over sensitive but having had a DM with depression the ripple effect on family members is huge, and I would of felt the same as you and took it personal attack.

CheeseBuster Sun 04-Jan-15 23:53:14

I think YABU.

MrsTawdry Sun 04-Jan-15 23:59:35

I think it was a clumsy way of him showing alliegance to your Mum.

coalscuttle Mon 05-Jan-15 00:00:20

I can't see why what he said is rude, either?

wheresthelight Mon 05-Jan-15 00:14:07

him storming off in a sulk is a bit twatish but to be honest I don't think either of you are being unreasonable in your stances on this.

as someone with mental health issues I wouldn't wish my anxiety issues on anyone but innit was the choice between them and suffering with something like body dismorphic disorder or anorexia then I would rather have my issues (I have a friend with bdd and anorexia and it is awful)

I don't think you owe him an apology and I don't think he owes you one for his opinion (you are being a little over sensitive there) but for storming off like a petulant child he certainly needs to apologise for

Icimoi Mon 05-Jan-15 00:18:30

I can't see anything terrible in what he said, and whilst storming off wasn't great I can also see why he got frustrated at you taking massive offence. I suggest you try to mend some fences, and quickly.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Mon 05-Jan-15 00:22:37

I don't think these two illness are comparable.

I would find it insensitive if DH said it to me, I talk about everything with him and it would be like he didn't get my worry and the hurt of my mum changing to a person I know longer knew.

Topseyt Mon 05-Jan-15 00:23:49

I think I agree with MrsTawdry. It doesn't sound as though he meant to be rude. He was expressing an opinion, which he is perfectly entitled to have, though it probably came across as a bit cack-handed.

namechanginglifeforme Mon 05-Jan-15 10:29:48

OK I suppose iabu but I think "Piper* has expressed how I felt about it.
It's fine now anyway.

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