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To miss co-sleeping

(33 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Sun 04-Jan-15 21:17:54

For months on end I was so overwhelmed by my DS being an awful sleeper that it reached the point of me being absolutely exhausted and usually ending up in tears most nights because I was so desperate for sleep. I was so tired, frustrated and angry and I couldn't see a way out. I felt like I had no control over my life and amidst my upset I never stopped crying about the fact DS wouldn't go to sleep at night unless he was in bed with me. I repeatedly told DH I was at breaking point and I couldn't cope anymore, that I needed DS to sleep and I needed him to sleep in his cot.

£75 and three weeks later after speaking to a sleep consultant I now have a fantastic sleeping baby and all my troubles are over.

However, I now find myself deeply missing sleeping with him. I miss feeling him next to me and hearing him breathe, I miss waking up to find he's wriggled so close to me that I'm practically hanging out the bed and I just miss the closeness. I used to hold his hand when he slept and I would love feeling his little hands and fingers twitching during his sleep. I used to wake up in the morning to his gorgeous face and him poking me in the eyes to get my attention or trying to suck on my nose as that's how he likes to give kisses. I miss it all so much. It upsets me a little that I don't have it anymore sad

He's now across the landing, sleeping in his cot and I want nothing more than to go and get him and spend another night curled up with him.

He's 9 months old - maybe I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the fact he's not a 'baby' anymore. I feel a bit stupid about how upset I get over missing our night time cuddles blush

Helicoptopus Sun 04-Jan-15 21:27:03

I expect I will feel like that when I stop co sleeping. Dd nearly 2 and still breast feeding so we snuggle up, it's lovely and she is my last child so I am in no hurry to move her on! But you'll get used to it and make up for it with day time cuddles I'm sure. Have you had that feeling of sleep euphoria yet, the one where you have a few good nights and feel like you can take on the world? Hope so; there are some advantages to having enough sleep smile

TheLastThneed Sun 04-Jan-15 21:27:12

I totally understand. I was at the end of my tether when DD was still waking every 2 hours after 8 months. When she finally started sleeping through, I would get sad when I went to bed knowing I wouldn't see her until morning.

When DP goes away she always sleeps with me...I always really miss her when she's not there. I love listening to her breathing, her little hands, she's so nice and warm. I love seeing her face when ai wake up, and she always smiles in the morning just before she opens her eyes...

shellbyville Sun 04-Jan-15 21:28:57

Firstly sending a virtual hug! And I don't think YABU at all. I fought co-sleeping at first but it was the only way we all slept. Appreciate that we're lucky we could sleep well sharing a (admittedly king size so space enough) bed, I know lots of people struggle to share with a child. But I loved it, still love it when DS (now 3) gets in with us in the middle of the night.

Don't feel stupid, it's natural to want to be with your baby when he's all vulnerable, as when he's asleep! Nothing is stopping you finding some middle ground :-) My DS starts the night in his own bed and then comes into us when he wakes, sometimes middle of the night sometimes morning ... Perhaps that's an option.

BathshebaDarkstone Sun 04-Jan-15 21:32:02

I did miss it at first but we still have lots of cuddles. smile

lomega Sun 04-Jan-15 21:33:09

Aww what a lovely thread smile

I never officially co-slept (had baby in a moses basket next to our bed) but when I bf in the middle of the night I'd cuddle down with DS for an hour or so to get him to sleep, and then sometimes in the morning I would bring him into our bed and doze letting him latch on and off in his sleep. It was adorable and so close and I miss it a lot.
Now, my 1yr old uses our bed/heads as a trampoline and if you try to kiss or cuddle him down he pushes you away and squeals crossly sad Makes me so sad he won't snuggle in bed anymore so I know how you feel...

Sometimes when he's asleep in his room in his own cot I sneak in and just watch him and go all silly over him and that sort of helps a bit. x

UngratefulMoo Sun 04-Jan-15 21:33:33

I completely understand - the cuddles are just lovely, but, at the risk of sounding insensitive - please can I have the details of your sleep consultant?? DD is 16mo and still wakes 2-3 times a night (and usually ends up in bed with us, just because we're too tired to do anything else). Perhaps if you were a year down the line and still only getting a few broken hours a night, you would really regret not having taken this action now?

DougalTheCheshireCat Sun 04-Jan-15 21:36:18

I miss it. We only stopped to stop night feeding (still breast feeding at 19 months) as over the last 6-9 months I developed insomnia, so when DD wakened I didn't go back to sleep for hours, or likewise is I woke without being woken by her. We night weaned gradually over 6 months (it was interrupted by a long teething bout and some colds etc). Now, finally she is sleeping longer stretches.

I miss co sleeping a lot and I'm wondering how long I need to give it to re introduce some of it. I work 4 full days a week and find it a great way to get closeness and extra time together and I just love it. I'd be interested in others experiences of how they did the mix, and it they did it while maintaining night weaning (as night feeding drives every night wake ups and that's what was killing me).

DD likes to sleep with her face smooshed into my armpit and I love it!

elQuintoConyo Sun 04-Jan-15 21:37:18

Dreading putting DS in his own room at Easter. He's 3 blush It's got to be done, although I know he won't go without a fight.

thanks for you, OP, and all of us.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas Sun 04-Jan-15 21:38:16

Your not stupid smile
It is a perfectly natural thing to want to do.

Do not worry ... You have not seen the last of your days sleeping next to your DC .

When they get poorly and as they get older and start to have anxieties about life DC will still want to gravitate to your side at night.

ItsaboatJack Sun 04-Jan-15 21:39:50

My dd is 5 soon and she still sleeps in our bed. She starts the night in her own bed, but will get into ours at some point in the night. We are trying at the moment to get her to stay in her own bed by her birthday, without much luck so far.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 04-Jan-15 21:39:54

Ungrateful - her name is Nicola Watson. Her website is called childsleepsolutions.

If DS ever did wake up for a feed (still BF) then I would definitely bring him into my bed for a cuddle but he doesn't even wake up for feeds anymore.

I find myself staring at him on the video baby monitor and going all gooey. Every time he changes position or makes a sweet little noise I grab the monitor, shove it in DH's face and say, "Oh look at him" in a really stupid soppy voice. I just miss him blush

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas Sun 04-Jan-15 21:40:04

Didn't finish my post!
I meant to also say my DD is 9 and my DS is 6 and we still have snuggles in bed.
It is a bonding time when words aren't needed smile.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes Sun 04-Jan-15 21:41:05

DS was 2 before he went into his own bed and bedroom (his choice when I bought new bed for him).

I did miss him but it was so nice to star fish in my own bed not have a wriggly child in bed who made me so restless and tired it took a while and before knew it, I was walking up to him getting in my bed for morning cuddles. Even now almost another 2years down the line I hear little patter of feet creeping into my bed some nights.

It makes such a difference to getting yourself good night or few hours sleep and you can always bring them in your bed for morning cuddles

Writerwannabe83 Sun 04-Jan-15 21:42:08

Although these replies are sad in one respect, it's also nice to know I'm not alone flowers

calmexterior Sun 04-Jan-15 21:42:22

YANBU and thanks for making me feel better about DS age 21 weeks who now won't stay asleep in the evening as he now seems wants me to cosleep all night and not just from midnight. It's nice to know I'll miss it one day (!)

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas Sun 04-Jan-15 21:45:20

Writer I remember that time when my own DC were babies - when they dropped their last feed before I went to bed - I can remember really really missing that time with them.

Bodicea Sun 04-Jan-15 21:46:19

Unless you have some miracle
Sleep consultant hopeful you will get the odd night back, when they are poorly or teething maybe or when your dpnis away and you can't resist. I also bring by ds in for a few hours snooze with me some mornings.

WeAllHaveWings Sun 04-Jan-15 21:47:52

Co slept with ds until he was around 4 years old, initially due to poor sleeping, but loved that extra time snuggled with him especially when working full time.

Co slept with him again over Xmas for a couple of nights while we were decorating his bedroom (dh got put in spare room ;)). Ds is now 10 and 4ft 10ins, but waking up to him sleeping in my bed did take me back for a few seconds.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 04-Jan-15 21:51:29

Bodicea - next month my DH is away for 8 nights and it's going to be sooooooo hard to resist the temptation of sleeping with DS confused

Writerwannabe83 Sun 04-Jan-15 21:52:32

My sisters boy is 9 and she told me that sometimes she wakes up to find he has crept into her bed. She loves it smile

caker Sun 04-Jan-15 22:24:57

Before DD was born I was adamant we wouldn't co sleep, but nothing else worked. Here we are at 21 months still co sleeping and I love it. Usually she wakes up around 10pm and snuggles in but she didn't last night and I felt really lonely, even though she was right beside me! I'd love a whole night's sleep though.

UngratefulMoo Sun 04-Jan-15 22:30:55

Thank you!

littlehayleyc Sun 04-Jan-15 22:34:44

I miss co-sleeping. DS is 7 and DD is 4. Sometimes if they wake in the night or early morning they'll still come in for a cuddle though smile When DH is working away, I have been known to let the DCs go to sleep in our bed so we can all snuggle up. It's so much easier to get to sleep cuddled up with them than being on my own!

dietcokeandwine Sun 04-Jan-15 22:58:27

I only coslept on an occasional basis but I did miss it once they were well and truly settled and sorted in their cots.

What we have always done though is start the day with all the DC (we now have three) coming into our bed. It's lovely having morning snuggles - I often wake up to find my five year old crawling up the bed whispering 'I love you, mummy, can I have a cuddle please?'

Even my oldest still starts the day by getting into our bed with us and he's 10 now grin

Can highly recommend starting this as a family tradition OP!

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