Namechanged.
I live close to my parents so we see eachother a lot, and they are always commenting on that I'm 'different' now but its just silly insignificant things like if we eat out they'll comment on my meal choice saying 'I thought you'd have had x, you always used to have x. Are you sure you don't want x?' if we're shopping mum'll try t o have me try on clothes other than my picks by saying 'don't you like this? you always used to like this style of top/jeans etc'. When we redecorated our house dad commeneted that mum said she was surprised we didn't use a certain colour scheme at all because 'it's what i always wanted in my bedroom'. They'll mention the name of friends i've not been in touch with since school and comment that 'I'm surprised you've not stayed in touch, you were always so close'. Mum even said something like this about a boyfriend I used to have in front of my DH! If i do do something i 'always used to', one of them will say 'oh, it's so nice to see you getting back to your old self!' or 'it's nice to have the old you back'.
Problem is this things they do the 'always used to' with are things i may have done/liked when I was a child, and naturally i don't have the same tastes as I did when i was a child. My 'old self' is in the past and i'm tired of the nigglging and pressure to show the same likes and dislikes as child me had. If i comment on their comment and say people change etc, dad will usually repeat 'but you've ALWAYS wanted/liked x', and mum says thing like 'I don't feel like i know you any more" and 'what happened to my baby?'. They seem to be geniunely disappointed that my tastes and likes/dislikes changed, even though it's irrelevant things like what i choose to have to eat
i think they're upset that I am an adult now and that i haven't really stayed like I was when I was younger, which suppose i understand, but I'd like our relationship to reflect that and be more like one between adults and not parents pretending ther 'baby' is still a child. Most of our conversations are mum asking if I rememeber when certain things from when I was a child happened and I've started placaiting her and saying yes all the time even though no i don't remember most of it, as most people don't remember day trips as a 3 year old, because she gets upset if I don't remember things. i'm an only child which prob contributes, but I have a 2yo DD they see a lot, so if it was just missing having a child around, I thought being around her might've helped, but if anything its making it worse because they're starting to push DD to be like child me too, and she's her own person not a mini me!
I really want to ask them to stop and enjoy being with me not who i was when i was a child but i don't know how to do this without offending them. AIBU to want it in the 1st place? DH thinks I should let them be and he finds the things they say funny, which I see it could be to someone whose not having the comments directed at them, but It's starting to put real strain on the relationship as i come away from spending time with them annoyed and i don't want that - we have always had a great relationship,but they're stuck in the child/teenager years and it's not working.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
AIBU to want parents to accept me as I am?
65 replies
nc2015 · 04/01/2015 18:34
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
WizardOfToss ·
05/01/2015 12:03
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.