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Jo Malone ethical problem!

(20 Posts)
RedchairBluechair Sun 04-Jan-15 16:38:39

So here is the problem.
First Christmas with my new partner. Unusually for a woman, she has no fixed ideas on perfumes. Previous women in my life have always been very particular and I have found what they liked by discreet snooping and casual questions.
I have never been much on scents for myself, but have used a couple I liked. One was Eau Savage, but my previous partner of 8 years forbad it because her ex husband had used it – too emotionally confusing for her.
That partner used a Jo Malone, 154, and when testing in airport duty free shops over the years I got to like many of their range. An assistant once said they were in fact uni-sex (a doubtful concept for a bloke, but hey).
So my new partner recently agreed we had free range to buy each other a Jo Malone scent of our choice for Christmas. She likes spicy, so I bought her Nutmeg & Ginger, great, I’d wear it myself.
But she bought 154 for me, which I am struggling with because it was my ex’s –am I being unreasonable and what di I do?

RayBloodyPurchase Sun 04-Jan-15 16:41:15

Talk to your partner? jeez. Just say 'IT reminds me of ex, do you mind if I exchange it for a different scent?'.

MaidOfStars Sun 04-Jan-15 16:41:48

Depends on what feelings it brings for you? Smell is very evocative, of course. So if you wear it and feel rage at a hated ex, then discretely stick it in a drawer or send it to me But if it's just 'the principle' of wearing a scent that your ex used to wear, I can't see the issue....

FrogIsATwat Sun 04-Jan-15 16:42:24

Personally if i liked the scent i wouldn't care. Unless you aren't over the ex?
Why didn't steer clear of jo malone to be safe? Im a bit hmm about this post. Is it a wind up?

christmaspies Sun 04-Jan-15 16:42:33

Yes you are bu if you didn't tell your partner beforehand. however you culd now say that you're not so keen on the scent and suggests she use it herself if you don't like it on yourself. you'll just have to put up with the smell until she uses it up....or contrive to find a way of 'losing' it wink

puntasticusername Sun 04-Jan-15 16:45:08

This is really not an ethical problem. It may be the most first world problem ever, though wink

Agree with pp - exchange it, and be honest with your DP so she doesn't buy it again!

JeanneDeMontbaston Sun 04-Jan-15 16:47:39

1) Talk to her.

2) Lose the idea that men and women are different species, and you might just find you can communicate better.

RedchairBluechair Sun 04-Jan-15 16:57:00

Punt –yes, it is a first world problem isn’t it!

Maid, the problem is an emotional conflict. Scent is very evocative of places, times, people, and I quite like it for itself but associate the scent with the ex –I can’t work out if it’s a positive or negative association, the relationship ended badly when she had an affair.

I can’t exchange it, because I’ve opened it and used it. And I use scent so rarely, it could be years’ worth!

MissBattleaxe Sun 04-Jan-15 17:08:23

stick it on ebay. It'll get gobbled up by Jo Malone fans. And learn to communicate with your partner.

BallsforEarrings Sun 04-Jan-15 17:13:55

I would persevere with it and wear it often, surely it won't be long until you associate the scent with your new relationship and not your old one? You will reframe how you feel about the scent!

That way it will never evoke those painful memories again!

LittleBearPad Sun 04-Jan-15 17:17:31

If you barely use it then it's really not a problem, bung it in a drawer.

There's no ethical issue here. You've opened it (why? If there were ex issues) so you can't return it for an exchange. Just put it away.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 04-Jan-15 17:21:45

I use 154, it's my favourite of them all. I think lots of people will wear it, besides your ex and she was unlikely to have been the first. If it bother you, sell it. The fact that it's used will not deter a JM 154 fan <says she who would snap it up!>

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 04-Jan-15 17:24:03

Or layer it with another JM fragrance; I will sometimes put 'Grapefruit' with it - or 'Blue Agava and Cocoa', if I'm feeling reckless.

Put some on your current partner, it will smell different on her - and you won't associate it with your ex anymore. Ditto if you put some on you - it won't smell of your ex because your skin will be different or just send it to ME grin

simbacatlivesagain Sun 04-Jan-15 17:50:14


If you want to be ethical then sell it and donate the money to charity.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 04-Jan-15 18:44:00

<struggles to think of where a female poster would be picked up on misuse of the word ethical... fails. hmm>

RedchairBluechair Sun 04-Jan-15 20:40:16

Putting it in a drawer would be wasteful and less than honest.
I’m not sure I want to discuss the topic with my partner (ostrich rules apply), she would not want to hear about the ex and any suggestion that the ex was determining gifts to me by default.
I might send it to Witch.
But –Balls, I have taken your advice. I have tried some on, to refresh my memory, and it seems to complement the Aldi rough red which is also open (Witch, is that what you mean by “layering” –and I thought that had something to do with hedgerows) so I may learn to suppress the conflict problem.
Separately, is it true that Jo Malone is really uni-sex? How would a woman feel if on a first date she met a man and they were wearing the same perfume –not the same as carrying the same handbag I know, but still…

LynetteScavo Sun 04-Jan-15 20:48:05

Men like to have a stronger scent than I think you must be feeling really effeminate in this situation.

Yes, you need to layer it. Or not use it, and let your partner use it. Or not use it and let your partner get the hint you don't like it. Even though you said you were happy for her to buy you any JM for Christmas, which was just silly with hindsight, wasn't it!

ZacharyQuack Sun 04-Jan-15 22:30:50

Every perfume is unisex. There's nothing in any formulation that will make your willy fall off, it's just about what smells good to you. I used to wear Eau Savage all the time, love it

154 layers (i.e. wear two different perfumes at once) well with Red Roses (probably a bit too feminine for a bloke) or with something citrus-y. If you still have Eau Savage, try combining the two. Though will that remind you too much of your previous partner and her ex husband?

RedchairBluechair Mon 05-Jan-15 20:49:24

No the Eau Savage has long gone, decreed seriously out of bounds by the ex. It was the ex that had the problem with it, not her ex-husband -and although I knew him well enough we were never on sniffing terms.

And I thought nice smellies were just nice smellies. So those into layering, can you remember these complicated combinations of perfumes? do the combinations smell the same to others as well as to the wearer?

IdontusuallyNC Mon 05-Jan-15 20:54:00

So are you actually bothered by the smell being one someone else previously in your life used. Or are you bothered because you think you should be because your ex made it into an issue?

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