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Been dragged into someone else's messy affairs. WWYD.

(27 Posts)
dracobutyrum Sun 04-Jan-15 14:41:04

Bear with me on this one as it's all a bit Jezza Kyle.

Soon to be an ex-friend has a rather lovely DH and DCs but started an affair with a bloke she met over Facebook as she was (in her own words) bored. She offloaded onto me at that time and I wasn't impressed, but I kept my mouth shut and just stayed away from them all.

There was a big blow up about it when her DH found out. She said she loved the other man, but would stay with her DH for the children and he, it would now appear stupidly, agreed. It all seemingly went back to normal.

I ignored her as it'd all been a bit tawdry and awkward, but she called up over Xmas and asked if I'd like to go for a drink. I foolishly agreed.

Turned out that she's met another man on FB (how the fuck does this happen? I manage not to meet men on FB all the time, but I digress.) and wanted to spend the night with him, but her DH was "really paranoid" since the last affair so she couldn't get away easily, so could she say she was staying at mine.


I assumed that was the end of it, but no. When talking to a mutual friend about New Years, it turned out that said friend had still used me as an alibi. Mutual friend told her husband.

Now for the Jeremy Kyle bit - I've had a million phone calls from her DH demanding to know about the OM and a million texts from her wanting to know why I dumped her in it. Mutual friend is also in touch as they think I should've told the DH immediately.

I actually think that the whole lot of them can FTFOTFOSM.

So I throw it open. In my position would you have told the DH as soon as you knew that his wife was bonking ransoms off Facebook again or would you have done like me and just stayed away and kept schtum?

I'm slightly pissed off that I'm involved in this manufactured draaaaaaama as it is.

MokunMokun Sun 04-Jan-15 14:43:22

turn your phone off and hide?

ChampagneTastes Sun 04-Jan-15 14:43:48

Oh God, just stay away. Have nothing more to do with any of them. Change your number and find new friends.

dracobutyrum Sun 04-Jan-15 14:45:26

Glad it's not just me.

I'm seriously too old for this shit. It's like I've been transported back to being at school and who snogged who round the back of the science block.

MokunMokun Sun 04-Jan-15 14:45:29

No you didn't have to tell him. You don't have to tell him. Just stay as far out of it as you can. It's nothing to do with you. He needs to speak to his wife. The friend needs to mind her own business.

50shadesofmeh Sun 04-Jan-15 14:46:44

tell them all to leave you alone and stop involving you, i feel sorry for your friends husband though, id tell him you never agreed for her to use you as an alibi.

Niamhisnotarealname Sun 04-Jan-15 14:47:21

send one group text stating that that you wanted nothing to do with this and told the harlot so at the time, it is not your responsibility that she used you as part of her lie and then have nothing to do with any of them again.

FelineLou Sun 04-Jan-15 14:48:52

yep what Mokum said

dracobutyrum Sun 04-Jan-15 14:50:13

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is nothing to do with me. The amount of grief I'm getting at the moment made me wonder.

Bizarrely, these are all grown up professional people who are acting like teenagers.

squoosh Sun 04-Jan-15 14:50:59

Tell them all to feck right off and sort out their own crap in private.

p.s. How does she meet all these men on facebook?

Nomama Sun 04-Jan-15 14:51:03

I just told all concerned the truth, the whole truth, everything I knew, nothing that I had only heard.

She hated me for a few weeks, made her decision to stand by him. I stood by her. Sadly, I was the one who had to tell her the bad news a year later. She threw him out. We are still friends, good friends.

So tell her that you are disgusted with her actions and for dragging you into her sordid affairs. Tell her DH the things you actually know. Then tell them both that you want nothing else to do with them until they have made their decisions.

Then, depending on what happens, you can decide what you can put up with from them.

simbacatlivesagain Sun 04-Jan-15 14:51:23

Are you all in Year 10?

You are adults. Just tell them to get lost and move on.

losthermind Sun 04-Jan-15 14:53:16

i would have kept out of it, but you now have a chance to put them both in their place....tell the so called friend that it is her and her vagina that dropped her in the shit not you, tell her she is a shit friend and wife and she needs to fuck off with her bullshit and leave you alone and delete your then need to tell her husband to grow a pair of bollocks and leave his wife, that her infidelities were not condoned by you and you are not to blame for his skank wife sharing her vagina with another, then politely ask him to stop hounding you because its none of your business and you honestly have better things to give a shit about.
she sounds like a twat you dont need people like that invading your life

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sun 04-Jan-15 14:55:27

One reply is needed for all of them, "Not my problem, do not contact me in future"

Or if your feeling less polite, "Fuck off and grow up"

My Friend was used in a similar fashion, got her a lot of shit, the woman in question still occasionally calls her (Women was her boss but she hasnt worked there in nearly 2 years)

dracobutyrum Sun 04-Jan-15 14:55:38

I have no idea how she meets them and I don't want to know. Seriously. I also won't be meeting up for drinks any time soon. It's just slightly awkward with having mutual friends.

Nomama - I'm not sure if I CBA doing even that. I want them all to sod off.

After the last fling I did suggest she got a hobby or a job if she was that sodding bored, but apparently this didn't happen.

dracobutyrum Sun 04-Jan-15 14:58:34

Tali - I may condense that into "not my problem, fuck off and grow up".

I'm agog at all that this kind of shit is happening.

I had a lovely NY by the way. Good times with the family. This is ridiculous - yes, very Y10.

Nomama Sun 04-Jan-15 14:59:46

I'm not surprised you cba. I liked the woman I told, which is why I felt guilty I hadn't told her before and did what I did.

In my defence what I had to tell was pretty enormous and I couldn't work out where to start (2 sisters both pregnant by him within a year, one had 2nd by him a year later, his mum babysat those 3 grandkids, but not for his long term partner!!).

feebeecat Sun 04-Jan-15 15:09:10

Tell the 'friend' you said no to being used as an alibi - and meant it.
Tell the dh to go talk to his wife.
Tell mutual friend if she wants to get overly involved, she can pop round to theirs & put herself in the middle of their chat.
Then block all numbers & let them play out the drama between them!
Happy New Year grin

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes Sun 04-Jan-15 15:15:27

Although probably too facetious for a difficult real life situation I do love the saying:

'Not my circus, not my monkeys'

dracobutyrum Sun 04-Jan-15 15:15:42

Nomama - that's grade A JK material.

I'm starting to wonder if mutual friend is feeling put out that she wasn't part of this before. She's welcome to it. Seriously.

TiredButFine Sun 04-Jan-15 15:19:56

I feel your pain! Turn your phones off! It's really awful. Exact same thing happened to me a while ago, although she was an old/close friend. I didn't respond to her or her DH's texts. It was hard but I had to go NC as I did not need/want/invite that drama! Her and her DH patched it up and a few years later I got back in touch, she apologised for putting me in that situation and we are friends again.
Tell them to FO or just cut contact.
We worked it out as we were good friends for a long time, and she later regretted her behaviour. If those two things were missing, then we wouldn't be friends again.

Nomama Sun 04-Jan-15 15:20:16

draco - I did feel as though I had fallen into a rabbit hole. The whole situation was so far away from my idea of normal even I didn't believe me half the time.

Yes, if your mutual friend is trying to snaffle some melodrama for herself, let her have it.

These days I doubt I would bother!

MrsRabbitsTwin Sun 04-Jan-15 15:39:52

I had a 'friend' like this who kept using me as an alibi even although I'd asked her not to. For this and other reasons our entire circle ended up dumping her.

If you stop contacting her then she'll start pulling the same trick with your mutual friends. They soon won't be mutual friends anymore.

everlong Sun 04-Jan-15 15:46:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sun 04-Jan-15 16:21:57

If your friend wants the drama so damn bad, then there are tv shows for that purpose.

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