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to think being a parent gets easier?

(152 Posts)
Inbl00m Sun 04-Jan-15 13:57:02

Dd is 16 weeks, and I'd mentally prepared myself for having a baby to be "the hardest thing" I'd ever do, and still it's WAY harder. My mum says every stage is hard because you've never done it before. DH isn't very reassuring as he believes it only gets harder from here. I can't help but think it MUST be a bit easier when they can at least sit up for themselves... Aibu?

MrsTawdry Sun 04-Jan-15 14:04:17

My sister says it gets harder. She says when they reach their teens you're always worried about them. Now mine are 10 and 6 I worry about them ALL the time.

their school work, their social skills, their freedom...do they have enough? Too much? Their diets...their teeth...it's endless.

catgirl1976 Sun 04-Jan-15 14:04:48

I think it just changes. I remember feeling stuck to the sofa feeding DS when he was a baby. Now I am a lot more free to move around and go out but it's hard in other ways like running after him etc. I think (and he's only 3) each stage just brings different delights and different challenges. The lack of sleep stops though (a bit) and that makes a big difference. Hang in there thanks

brokenhearted55a Sun 04-Jan-15 14:06:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DropYourSword Sun 04-Jan-15 14:08:11

I don't have kids yet so not sure how much help this will be, but I think your mum is right in saying that every stage is hard because you've never done it before, BUT that doesn't mean it's HARDER than now, just that each stage has it's different challenges. Some parent love some stages that others have really struggled with. It's also hard in very different ways from what you're going through now. Is there anything in particular you're struggling with that some experienced mums might be able to help you with, or are you just generally exhausted? I have seen fantastic support on this website for mums who are finding it tough.

flanjabelle Sun 04-Jan-15 14:09:02

Sorry dd is 15mo and it has got harder. and harder so far. She is so full on and has ten times more energy than me. She throws massive tantrums already and is incredibly clingy.

However it has also got better and better. She is amazing and has her own little personality and is so funny. And I get more sleep now most of the time! It feels more worthwhile than ever and is more fun, despite the hard work.

mrsm43s Sun 04-Jan-15 14:10:10

Sorry not what you want to hear, but I found the baby stage by far the easiest bit, becoming much harder in the toddler years, and then easing off again in the primary school years, as the children become more independent. I still have the teen years to come, and I think they will probably be harder once again, but in a whole different way.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Sun 04-Jan-15 14:10:13

My DDs are late teens. Every stage is different, but all are hard in their way. Fun, but stressful!

SnowPetrel Sun 04-Jan-15 14:11:58

The sleep deprivation in the early years (specially when you have two: bloody hell!) makes everything so challenging to cope with that nothing can be as hard as those times. I think people forget it as the kids get older.

wonderstuff Sun 04-Jan-15 14:12:00

Mine are 5 and 7 and its way easier than having a baby, you still worry all the time, but its not physically draining the way a baby is. Babies are just so exhausting. Mine sleep from 7.30 to 7am almost every night, they go to the toilet by themselves, mostly dress themselves. They are pretty lovely too, so nice to be able to talk to them (although I wasn't saying that yesterday in the car when ds wouldn't stop talking about Monster High for nearly 2 hours..)

gamerwidow Sun 04-Jan-15 14:12:17

I think babies are much harder than toddlers and young children. Teens possibly harder emotionally but less physically exhausting. My dd was a very difficult baby but has been a joy since about 18 months. she's 4.5 now and I honestly find her so enjoyable and easy now. That'll probably change with puberty but so far this middle stage is great grin

VashtaNerada Sun 04-Jan-15 14:13:15

Mine are (nearly) 7&3 and yes each stage is easier than the last. Nothing in my life has ever compared to the incredible stress of raising a small baby.

CaramellaDeVille Sun 04-Jan-15 14:15:00

4.5 yo and 1 yo here. So far it gets easier every year.

PastPerfect Sun 04-Jan-15 14:15:12

I think it gets physically easier (more sleep, less running yourself ragged as they become more independent) but emotionally tougher as their problems become more adult sand you realise you cant protect them from everything.

ChocolateWombat Sun 04-Jan-15 14:16:23

Personally I found the phase of under 2s hardest.....the lack of sleep, lack of communication and lack of reasoning was very difficult.
Yes other phases have difficulties but once you have enough sleep and someone you can communicate with about difficulties, it all feels more manageable. I can see though that different people will find different aged tricky.

naty1 Sun 04-Jan-15 14:16:37

Baby stafe has been worst so far 2.5yo. Up to 1 really, awful teething, wouldnt lie down except on me.
So much better after teething and when sleeping. Nothing worse than feeding every 2 hrs

afreshstartplease Sun 04-Jan-15 14:16:46

I think it depends a bit on how you are yourself e.g. are you a worrier?

Poster up thread says she worries constantly about her dc and their school work etc

I have two school age children. I have no worries over their school work or the other things that poster wrote about

I am fully prepared for teenage years being the hardest

But overall I think it depends on -

You
The children
The circumstances

JoandMax Sun 04-Jan-15 14:19:44

I found they got harder until about 3 then suddenly things got easier and less tiring!

Mine are 4.9 and 6.5 and it's such a lovely and enjoyable stage - we have loads of fun and they are independent enough to do things themselves but not old enough they're ever alone so no worrying about that yet!

I'm expecting it to get harder again as they get older but for now I'm loving it

5madthings Sun 04-Jan-15 14:19:51

I think the baby can be exhausting and relentless. But all ages have their challenges, mine are now 15, 12, 10, 6 and 4. It's easier in that there are no nappies and they sleep, though youngest still in our bed! But we have the stress of gcses. And high school and homework and friendship issues etc etc.

It's less tiring I think but still relentless but in a different way.

5madthings Sun 04-Jan-15 14:20:40

My 4 and 6 yr old are easy Btw, it's the teen and pre teens, hormones and homework etc that's harder.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sun 04-Jan-15 14:21:42

It gets a lot easier in terms of the physical demands and the sleep deprivation stops eventually.

The emotional demands never stop but it is different. My dses are 10 and 12 and tbh I love having older children. I find it so much easier although I still worry about them loads. We have a great laugh though, they have great humour and I love being able to have more mature discussions and debates with them.

Holidays are much more fun too.

RokensWife Sun 04-Jan-15 14:22:15

Hmmm, I would say easier in some ways, harder in others. My DS is 3 and has been diagnosed with autism. But he's such a good boy and a joy to be around. He's not hard work in that sense but obviously there's a lot of worry that comes with it. But even though he is autistic and has dietary problems, he is a very laid back and happy little thing with no behavioural problems - he feeds himself, goes to preschool etc.

Perhaps not easier but different? Like someone else said, it's dependent on you, your child and the circumstances.

museumum Sun 04-Jan-15 14:25:05

I find my 16mo old easier than when he was 6mo old. But I am lucky that he sleeps. More than 9 times out of 10 I can put him to bed and relax till nearly 7am! That's amazing!!!
In the first ten or eleven months it was really a 24hr a day role. I found that very tough.

marioluigi Sun 04-Jan-15 14:28:19

17 year old daughter is the hardest stage so far!
And she was a crap sleeper as a baby, a nightmare with toddler tantrums etc but I'd take that all back to stop the worry of her being 17... Threatening to drop out of college, wearing black lipstick, smoking, self harming - she's not even that "bad" but the worry is awful, she's never out of my head.

hairypaws Sun 04-Jan-15 14:28:32

For me it got easier and now at 9 and 12 it's an absolute breeze.

I really struggled with the baby stage and tbh there was lots of times I really hated it and I didn't feel like a very good mum.

For the last few years it has been completely different and I love every minute of it. I think we are just all different and find different things easy/difficult.

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