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Billy no mates!

(7 Posts)
inmyshoos Sun 04-Jan-15 11:23:18

We live in a really rural location. Been here 8 years.

We know most people here. One of those places everyone knows everyone.

Holidays are always difficult here as lots of people go away (usually home to visit family if incomers) or they are spending time with family.

New Years Eve we just went to bed. I know in our old home we would have had numerous places to go or folk to ask round but here it just doesnt happen easily.

I just don't know if it is the area. People are definitely more reserved and private. Or is it just a lack of 'old friends'. Pre dc friends maybe. They are definitely the group that i am most relaxed with esp with dc in tow.

Every holiday period i feel really quite lonely. Very few children around for dc to play with and it makes keeping them entertained and happy difficult and often costly.

Aibu to consider moving house and area when during term time it is mostly fine. I like my house and schools are good esp the secondary school.

Where we lived before we weren't out socialising all the time or entertaining but there was always that option and there were always people around to meet up with dc during holiday times.

Aibu? I think not only am I a bit lonely my dc are too maybe. Although I think maybe normal for kids (and healthy) to be bored some of the time (maybe not most of time though)
My friends from home were all spending nye with friends, mostly new friends they have met through dc. School friends. Maybe we are just crap company!! Although tbh I know most folk around here were away of with family.

Aibu to pack up?? (Billy no mates!)

RichardParkerTheTiger Sun 04-Jan-15 11:29:33

You're def not alone. Pop over to Relationships- reconnecting 2015 thread.

SweetsForMySweet Sun 04-Jan-15 11:39:27

Are there any local groups you could join to meet people and after school activities where your dc can meet new friends? You could try inviting some of your neighbours for coffee or asking children in your local community/dc's class for playdates. You may need to leave your comfort zone and put yourself out there a little to meet new people. It's not easy but it will get better. Give it a try before packing up and moving back to your old place.

inmyshoos Sun 04-Jan-15 12:57:46

sweet thanks for replying. Dc go to all these things. Thing is its a tiny place. We know everyone and not many looking for friendship. There are so many factors to having a good friendship - do WE get on, do the dhs get on, the dc, and factoring all these things in to an area with a tiny population nakes it a tough call.

Lots of incomers dont want friendships. They are busy types, outdoorsy, heavily into their sports. We like walking the dogs etc and have tried lots of activities but have no desire (money!) to make these things a main thing in our lives.

Local folk have huge networks already of family, extended family, old school pals, work pals etc. My ds has a best friend, lovely boy, lovely Mum but they have had the odd playdate for an hour or so after school maybe ten times and they have been at school together for 6 yrs. The Mum had a cuppa here once. She is lovely but they are just busy and dont have the same need for close friendships.
I did meet a lovely friend. She was an incomer. Her dh died of cancer when their baby was 8 mnths old. She was a member of the church, the toddler group etc and NO ONE called in to make sure they were ok (i only met her 5 yrs after this happened but we have talked at length about it) The postman had a cuppa with her every few days and she describes him as a 'lifeline'. This makes me so fucking sad that i could cry typing it and seeing it in black and white. Her family lived 8 hrs away. She has moved away to be near family now but when i think of that i feel like moving running and not looking back

inmyshoos Sun 04-Jan-15 17:36:29

Anyone??
Billy no mates on here too blush

Irishhooley Sun 04-Jan-15 18:24:22

I think you've give the area a fair go, having been there 8 years. It spuds like the folk, while pleasant enough, are cliquey so outsiders will always be outsiders. Are there local groups, perhaps through the church or whatever that you could join to get more involved in local life?

If you can afford it, if consider moving somewhere more urban so that you and your doc can have more access to a social life - you'll save yourself a fortune anyhow in driving them here there and everywhere, and wouldn't it be hreat to be somewhere that their fitness can pop in to spend time.

inmyshoos Sun 04-Jan-15 18:36:05

Thanks for replying irish We are involved in groups. Dc are at an activity every weekday night but meet ups outside clubs dont seem to happen. Lots of parents drop and run and tbh most are in little groups and arent interested in makjng friends.

I have interests of my own and have made friends through this but they are 'my' friends. They don't have dc or have grown up dc so only meet them on my own for a dog walk or coffee when dc at school. Its more people to socialise with as a family unit that we miss.

Locals are friendly enough just genuinely busy I think.

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