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AIBU to their their are a lot of people playing at being a sw

(56 Posts)
Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 08:31:08

I noticed a lot of threads about people being witness to a snap shot what the "deem" abuse ffs hmm

This often included snap shots of bevahiour displayed while in public when the context is not know viewed through t he prism of their own parenting style

You get a lot of these posters saying well I would never parent,speak to my child like that forgetting that all people have parenting. Styles and the harshness of any parent is very subjective

you get told by some you must report this incidents though you have no clue what's happend as you only viewed a snap shot less a child get abused and many children are abused because people do nothing

Yes but that is in a environment were the child is known to the adult and it's very clear what is happening over a period of time.
Eg a child attending school or adult who's child plays with a local child regularly who notices things or has disclosures made but dose nothing VERY different.

those who actually know anything about abuse of child protection no that ss do not make sweeping judgements based on one off incident they as they no people have bad days and all my not be as it seems at first glance and deeming something as abuse simply because it offends your guardian sences and you wouldn't dream of doing that with your children is dangerous and often let's *real abusers go un noticed the whole point is that child abusers are often VERY controlled and don't often loose it their charming and will have every one believe they are the prefect parent and very seldom loose in in public somone mentioned poor baby p on one of the threads and the hole point to that was she was very controlled an manuliputive and didn't ever loose it in front of any one just like abusive men are not usually the ones having the row with their wife in tesco their usually the ones that have never so muched raised their voice in public hence people finding it even harder to believe and more easily dismissed

So if you really think a child is being abused then call ss if you no the context and your shore your not viewing the incident the though the prism of your own parenting style because their is a big diffrence between labeling somone a child abuser and just being judgey about perceived poor parenting

Eebahgum Sun 04-Jan-15 08:41:50

I think the public perception of social services is inaccurate. As you say, people think a witnessed incident of poor parenting may be reported and the children will be removed. In reality schools report incidents over and over again that are deemed to need no further investigation; families that are deemed to require investigation undergo years of meetings and report writing before enough evidence is built up to remove the child (unless there is evidence of physical or sexual abuse, that's different). I don't know detail about the baby p case but there's a perception that no one said anything. I think it's more likely that lots of people said lots of things but as she was good at saying the right thing at the right time, they hasn't reached the threshold for removal yet.

Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 08:48:08

I just wish peope would think before clogging up ss phones when they don't even have any real. Clue what happening for instances of poor parenting in their view of course

Ss have very limited recourses and I think people just have very little knowledge of abuse and how abusers work ( which is seldom in public btw)

Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 08:51:21

Add message | Report | Message poster Eebahgum Sun 04-Jan-15 08:41:50

I agree with you ss after often months years of assments and meetings to gain the FULL parenting picture and work out what's happening in families but posters often think they know with out any training or any context

One dear poster was describing how a boy flinched when his dad shouted at him when he was out she had never meet these people but surmised the boy was likey being abused hmm

PerpendicularVincenzo Sun 04-Jan-15 08:51:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToffeeCaramel Sun 04-Jan-15 08:52:40

Is this about the woman who screamed in the child's face for five minutes at the shopping centre? I agreed with many others on the thread that screaming in a child's face for five minutes is abusive as opposed to just a type of parenting style. Losing it every now and then and shouting across a room is very different from screaming in a child's face for five minutes.

Waltonswatcher Sun 04-Jan-15 08:53:21

This worries me too . How judgmental we've become without knowing facts and ignoring context . My one time bf criticised my parenting once under these conditions . It upset me hugely because it showed how easy it is to get totally the wrong idea -and she knew me and my family well .
She was projecting her issues onto us . She was having some form of woo woo therapy at the time which involved alot of self reflection .
When did we all get so pissy perfect? As a mum I know I parent brilliantly-with the odd cock up!
My darling nephew was living in a drug den and it took years for us to finally get ss to really step in to help . Real abuse is ignored often - because action takes effort . Tutting takes none and serves to self compliment the tutter .

LaurieFairyCake Sun 04-Jan-15 08:54:29

A child being screamed at incredibly harshly in public is more likely to be suffering this daily as usually adults check their behaviour in public.

Excluding the completely end of tether/kid run into road scenario. And you can tell when some poor sod is at the end of their tether as they're screaming away from the kid or talking about them in frustration.

If you're walking along the street and routinely calling your kid a fucking cunt and smacking it round the back of the head as it walks along then you need to be reported to SS.

And I agree that people have the wrong idea about SS - I've only called SS (and in a separate incident the police) only once in 20 years.

EatShitDerek Sun 04-Jan-15 08:58:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 09:00:55

Sorry don't agree for instance calling the ambulance for a drunk takes resources away from somone having a hart attack in the next street

Poor parenting or perceived poor parenting is not a good enough reason to call ss when you have no clue of context just as some people call a ambulance for a drunk person *and the snap sot argument can really not seen in two ways ss don't act on snap shots I can assure you I had a child placed with me were it took 3 years for them to come to a decision on what should happen with the BP and as someone who

educationsystemfail Sun 04-Jan-15 09:01:50

I think I agree with you but due to poor English, spelling and grammar I couldn't find it within myself to read your whole post.

Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 09:05:35

www.mumsnet.com/Profile?nick=LaurieFairyCake

But my whole point is UNLESS you know that family you can't say for the context and actually your wrong about abusers they are often very controlled in public and do things behind closed doors the person who looses it and shouts it human the person who grimaces at provoking behaviour says sweetly wait till we get home and carries on with the shop is often to be worried about

Jessicahyde85 Sun 04-Jan-15 09:07:06

I think it takes a LOT for ss to remove children, I have known people who are monitored by them and have thought to myself "Why the hell are they allowed to keep their children" However I think there are a few circumstances that if happen together can lead to the children of good parents being taken. C

Certain undiagnosed medical conditions such as brittle bone syndrome and also opinion of doctors being taken as gospel, I know a child who broke his hips, the doctor told the mother he must "have been repeatedly stamped on" if it were not for this incident taking place at school the child would have been removed instantly and it would have been their job to defend after the fact....

Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 09:07:38

poster Waltonswatcher couldn't agree more

LaurieFairyCake Sun 04-Jan-15 09:09:41

And while I understand your point and agree that a lot of abuse happens behind closed doors an over the top reaction in public shouldnt be discounted.

The one time I called the police a boy had one of his testicles smashed (kicked in) by his father in public. There were dozens of people who didn't just do nothing, they didn't even look horrified or upset - all because the boy was older (11). It wasn't the bystander effect, there were genuinely people who thought it was ok to do that to a boy in public.

Ragwort Sun 04-Jan-15 09:11:11

I'm not quite sure what your point is? confused

But I think I agree with you that it is laughable to think that Social Services have the time/energy/initiative to investigate every complaint that is made. I do voluntary work with vulnerable families and the lack of support from Social Services is incredibly disappointing - I have been involved in various 'forums' where we tended to sit around discussing situations, wringing our hands and actually very little gets done.

It seems to me that an awful lot of work is picked up by the voluntary agencies, whether that is providing mother and baby groups, playschools, food bank, toy library, counselling, mentoring etc etc. sad

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Sun 04-Jan-15 09:16:04

I think SS have a job to do.

If I think SS needs to be phoned then I will. I would rather be over cautious then under.

It's not judging parenting style if you think a child is being neglected or abused.

TheQuibbler Sun 04-Jan-15 09:23:41

I don't think children being mistreated in public should be ignored or put down to parenting choices - what a strange viewpoint.

I've only seen it a couple of times personally but it was quite clear on both occasions that the child was being abused - and I had no hesitation in calling for help.

theeternalstudent Sun 04-Jan-15 09:23:58

I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say and I don't know why you have put that link to Lauries profile??

On the one had I agree that people on here are often too quick to state abuse based on a one off incident where there is no context. However, I disagree that all abusers are able to control themselves in public. Some may be able to. Others will have normalised the abuse and will be abusive in public.

By making sweeping statements I think you are guilty of making the assumptions that you accuse others of making.

Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 09:25:30

www.mumsnet.com/Profile?nick=LaurieFairyCake physically * harming a child is different it man not have even been his child however

Shouting at a child even swearing at a child which is not a good thing to do shows poor parenting you should not confuse your way of parenting as the only type of parenting and you can not see parenting in context and I think it's very danrgous for very middles classes to start tutting that the shouty chavs and the way they raise their young.

And it's very presumptuous to take a snap shot especially when you don't know f all about cp make a judgment out of context and report it through the prism of your own parenting

LaurieFairyCake Sun 04-Jan-15 09:26:03

Yes, why have you linked my profile confused

OhShittingHenry Sun 04-Jan-15 09:26:27

You cannot possibly know whether the drunk for whom you do not wish to call an ambulance is suffering from some other condition or not. No member of the public is in a position to judge that. Dangerous and ridiculous theorising IMO.

Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 09:27:45

http://LaurieFairyCake

Sorry ways trying to cut and poster just your name [hugg] sorry about that

LaurieFairyCake Sun 04-Jan-15 09:27:59

It's not about judging - reporting to the correct authorities rather than making it up yourself is the right thing to do.

I don't judge others because of my parenting - if I think other people need support or the children need to be helped by SS then I'd report (yes, I do work for SS)

Canigetanamen Sun 04-Jan-15 09:28:02

[hug]blush

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