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To not want to spend any time with DH's friend?

(30 Posts)
Trinpy Sat 03-Jan-15 23:18:17

Dh has invited his twatty friend over tomorrow evening. I don't have anywhere I can escape to - wibu to take a glass of wine and the last of the Xmas tree chocolates upstairs with me tomorrow and stay up there MNing until he's gone? Dh says it's only an hour (bet it's more) and I'm bu to not want to speak to this person.

Here are some reasons why I would not like to spend a second of my time with this loser:

1) When Dh told this friend (aka Twatface) that we were getting married he didn't say anything positive just told Dh he was making a mistake and it would end in divorce. The whole way through our engagement he carried on like this, saying he gives it a year before we split, that I would get bored after a few months and want to go out clubbing instead (wtf??), but at least we would get a nice party out of it all (the wedding reception). Dh and I had been together 2.5 years when we got married, were very happy together, no major bust-ups, etc, just a normal couple, so I don't know wtf he was on about confused.

2) Dh told him the date of the wedding 6 months before. Within those 6 months he changed his mind about which bits of our wedding he would like to attend 5 times. In the end he turned up late to the ceremony and came to the reception around 11pm with some random19 year old waitress from his work (he was 33 at the time). When he tried it on with her she turned him down because she had a boyfriend and only wanted to be friends (she'd made this clear when he invited her). He was really rude to her, left her on her own and went off to the bar to get drunk angry.

3) I think he's sleazy and has been way too touchy feely with me and other of his friends' dps.

4) He drink drives. He's been on the course, he's been banned from driving and he still bloody does it. Oh and he tries to persuade others to do it too angry.

5) He never seems to do anything nice for his friends unless there's something in it for him.

6) He's SO pretentious! Lots of examples of this but one in particular I can think of - he came over to our house once and we offered him a drink. He asked for red wine so Dh poured him a glass and he did this really over-the-top sticking his nose right in the glass to smell the wine, swirling it around a bit, taking a tiny sip and going hmmmm. He wasn't joking. And it wasn't even decent wine, just the cheap stuff we pick up from the supermarket during the weekly shop! The bottle was on the table in front of him and clearly had 'Sainsbury' on the label confused.
It's embarrassing to watch.

I could go on with more examples but I'm aware that this post is already long! Anyway, imo if Dh wants to spend time with someone like this then that's up to him but aibu not to want to?

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 03-Jan-15 23:20:41

Yea, and is it the night before going back to work, which really should involve getting stuff done, lunches made, and a snuggle on the sofa?

SillyBugger Sat 03-Jan-15 23:21:18

YANBU, what a complete knob.

CheeseBuster Sat 03-Jan-15 23:21:34

Of. Course it's not unreasonable. You and your DH are two separate people. You can have separate social lives.

He sounds like a knob but I'm sure some of DH thinks some of your friends are knobs too.

SlaggyIsland Sat 03-Jan-15 23:24:38

I couldn't tolerate my DH being friends with someone who drinks and drives. They would not be setting foot my home.

newyearsresolutionsnotforme Sat 03-Jan-15 23:25:18

He sounds charming hmm. YANBU, I'd stay upstairs and leave them to it.

Gramgram Sat 03-Jan-15 23:25:35

Your DH's friend sounds a real charmer, one day he'll grow up.

Of course YANBU, have a lovely time eating chocolate etc.

Musicaltheatremum Sat 03-Jan-15 23:31:33

YANBU and if they drink and he drives tomorrow phone the police and give them his registration.

Trinpy Sat 03-Jan-15 23:35:30

Ah thanks, nice to know I was right grin.

God only knows why Dh feels I need to be present at this meeting. Normally they just go to the pub.

And none of my friends are knobs grin.

TheHermitCrab Sat 03-Jan-15 23:41:51

My partner likes all my friends but he doesn't make sure he is present an active if I have any around, and I don't expect him too.

He has a friend almost like the one you describe above, as long as I'm not going out of my way to be mean to him, he doesn't really care what I do with himself when he visits. Probably less awkward for him if I make myself somewhat scarce as I'm not good at being civil haha!

You're both your own people. Can't see why your DH thinks you should be present, tell him he doesn't need a chaperone for his own house and eat the choccies!

scarletforya Sat 03-Jan-15 23:42:11

What a tool. Yanbu.

Silverdaisy Sat 03-Jan-15 23:45:30

He is jealous of your relationship with his pal. Has he found a gf now?

Marshpillow Sat 03-Jan-15 23:45:37

YANBU. I like DH's friends but I still stay out of the way when they come over, I'd rather spend the evening on the laptop or reading than watching them play on the Playstation for hours.

Trinpy Sun 04-Jan-15 00:00:59

silver oh yes I realise he's jealous. We've been married for 3.5 years now and the friend is still single. He occasionally makes noises about wanting to meet someone and settle down but the women he goes after are completely unsuitable, usually waitresses from work who are too young to be interested on marriage and kids, or women who are already in relationships.He was actually married once, in his early 20s but it only lasted 6 months.

If I can get his registration I will definitely report him if he drink drives. I honestly can't believe he's still allowed to drive at all anymore. How many times do you have to be caught before they ban you for good? He thinks drinking makes him a better driver hmm.

Jodie1982 Sun 04-Jan-15 00:44:16

He drinks n drives!? A drunk driver killed my sister, she was only 13yrs old, I witnessed it all and she died in my arms. People like that are scum. sad

YouTheCat Sun 04-Jan-15 00:50:16

If he was 20 years older, I'd think you were talking about my exh.

Silverdaisy Sun 04-Jan-15 00:55:06

Until this man is happy, then he will resent your relationship. I know this is not helpful. Maybe just pity him?

MistressDeeCee Sun 04-Jan-15 01:22:51

Jodie how sad flowers

I can't abide drink drivers..theres no excuse, if you've had a drink then take a cab home

OP I can't see why you can't just pop your head in say a quick hello if you must then retreat upstairs to relax spending your evening how you want to. I don't sit around with OH and his mates when they come round nor would I expect him to remain in the room when my mates come round..we want to do our girly talk! You are not clones/joined at the hip so you are NBU at all


To avoid potentially embarrassing your DH, I would be downstairs when Twatface arrives, do the civil bit, and then say "I'll leave you boys to it" <tinkly laugh> and then retreat upstairs or to the kitchen or wherever you can go to get away from them.

Trinpy Sun 04-Jan-15 01:38:55

I'm really sorry to hear about your sister Jodie.

Honestly I don't even want to say hi to him. I don't want him in my house at all but I realise it is dh's home too so he can invite who he wants.

I don't think him being unhappy is any excuse. Dh's best mate broke up with her partner just before our wedding and she still managed to turn up on time and be nice. It's not difficult is it?

In that case I'd develop a really bad migraine, or stomach cramps or similar, and take to your bed.

It's what my now ex-SIL used to do whenever she didn't want to be bothered to be nice to any of our family. We thought she was rude, but then she was supposed to be part of our family - this bloke isn't family, and I doubt you care if it does seem rude to him (he might not even notice!) so go for it.

Jodie - so very sorry to hear about your sister, how bloody tragic. sad

PlummyBrummy Mon 05-Jan-15 02:13:31

Eurgh, my DH had a friend like this. DH was the (second) last in the friendship group to settle down and I think that our Twatface was really scared at being left alone. So he took it out on me. Several years of being sniggered at - and even made faces at behind my back! - by this pathetic man child without being defended by DH was enough for me. Now I'm completely NC and it's lovely! It helped that eventually his twatty behaviour was his own undoing and DH suddenly saw him for the complete cock I'd always known him to be. I'd suggest standing back and giving him enough rope...

AcrossthePond55 Mon 05-Jan-15 03:37:21

Have fun upstairs with chocs, wine, & MN. You don't need to 'entertain' your DH's friends, jerks or otherwise.

My DH had a friend who was a serial cheat & thought that every woman was dying to have sex with him. He was obnoxious. I wouldn't be in the same room with him. Luckily the friendship fizzled out after we got married and DH realized what a scuzzbag he was. But DH also has a lovely friend who is very nice but just wears out his welcome. I make my excuses and leave DH to entertain him.

Our rule is 'they're your friend, you entertain them'.

ithoughtofitfirst Mon 05-Jan-15 06:25:11

He sounds awesome hmm

he sounds a sad and lonely twat who is jealous of your relationship. I would greet at the door, smile and nod, offer a first drink then say excuse me for a bit as I have some stuff to finish, work to get ready, ironing, etc etc ...'leaving you chaps / blokes / men to chat without me cramping your style smile' and disappear for a long bath and a book in my room

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