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To want to choose the date of my baby's christening?

(11 Posts)
Doodlekitty Sat 03-Jan-15 20:18:57

I almost hope I am bu here, as it would make life easier. I'm currently about 12 weeks pregnant. Dating scan is on Fri.
DH has a brother and family who live a long haul flight away. Knowing I'm having dc2 is a good excuse to get to see them. Dhaka suggested we aimed for an Xmas christening in the hope they may come over for it (they sometimes come for Xmas anyway). He mentioned this to mil.

We just had a phone call. Bil can't come for Christmas but can come on another date which I reckon to be 5 weeks after baby's due date. Dh says great, but it's very unlikely there will be a christening then, as our church only does 1 date per month and you have to attend for 3 weeks before with baby. Mil says we better get our fingers out then and get it sorted.
I don't think the church will even allow us to book a christening without a baby and with dc1 being 2 weeks late I don't want that tight a schedule. We are church goers so will be attending as soon as I'm happy to take baby out.

Dh is currently trying to Skype his bro to find out what the deal is as he suspects his dm is not telling whole story. But mil is not currently talking to us and she is our childcare on Monday. I don't feel I'm in the wrong here. I've said if we can sort it for a date he can make we will but that date is very unlikely.

Could totally do without this. I'm a peacemaker and hate rows

Yangsun Sat 03-Jan-15 20:28:02

YANBU would be lovely if db could attend christening but it is totally unreasonable toexpect the whole thing to revolve around his availability. It sounds like your dh is dealing with it, he needs to explain to his dm that it isn't up to you when the church does christenings or what rules they have.

joanne1947 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:31:15

Talk to your minister, priest, vicar and see how the church can accommodate you. If you are a regular attender it might be possible to sort something out. Also get DH to talk directly to his DB and see what is the issue.

howtodrainyourflagon Sat 03-Jan-15 20:40:31

I'm sure there's a chance the minister will be more flexible if you're a regular anyway. Baptisms don't need to be during the main Sunday eucharist - the service can be done in 10 or 15 mins in an afternoon if your minister can be flexible. And if they can't be flexible I understand that too as many priests and ministers have massive workloads cso they're doing church stuff l hours. Hope it works out for you.

littleleftie Sat 03-Jan-15 20:47:52

Oh no, I wouldn't be pressurised into having a rushed christening just to appease the ILS.

I seriously doubt it will be the end of BILS world if he doesn't get to attend OP, no offence.

Why is MIL not talking to you? Is she a regular stropper? Tell her you won't be discussing christening or even thinking about dates until baby is here safely.

HelloItsStillMeFell Sat 03-Jan-15 20:52:49

I totally don't understand why you are doing any of this at only 12 weeks pregnant. confused

Doodlekitty Sat 03-Jan-15 20:58:03

That's the point Hell, we weren't. We made a throwaway comment about future plans and mil has done the rest. But now I'm stressing about it.

Dh could not get through to bro on Skype so has emailed him.
Mil is a well known stropper. Our wedding and dc1s christening also caused huge bil related strips, much bigger than this one to be fair.

Welshmaenad Sat 03-Jan-15 21:06:15

I wouldn't be booking anything of any description until baby is here safely. Maybe try that tack with MIL and say it's making you uneasy, if she has any decorum it should shut down discussion of christening a until you baby is actually born!

HelloItsStillMeFell Sat 03-Jan-15 21:08:06

Well you should say 'Look it's far too early for us to be thinking about all this, and besides, there are other factors we need to consider when planning the Christening. Let them come over whenever they like, and if it's possible / convenient to dovetail with the christening with their trip then we'll do our best, but we really can't make any promises at this stage and we don't really even want to think about it until the baby is almost here.'

SorchaN Sun 04-Jan-15 04:46:34

What if your baby is born two weeks after the due date? It's not at all uncommon, and it would make the three weeks' church attendance before the christening impossible. Very few babies are actually born on their due date, as I'm sure you know. If your mother-in-law thinks it's crucial that your brother-in-law attend major family events, she should be nagging him to move back home...

FishWithABicycle Sun 04-Jan-15 04:56:20

YANBU. You need to do what works for you, dh and your existing and future DC. Any pressure from in-laws on this should be smiled through happily and dismissed with a cheery "we'll work out all that once our baby is here safe".

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