to have lost the rag with my dh? im sure i am but so fed up :(

[Pumpkaboo]

Dh and I had tickets for a pantomime today, booked in November for our dc for Christmas. They were really looking forward to it, due to money and work hours we don't get to go out very often as a family. Dh insists he doesn't want to go and instead invites his 3 friends up to the cinema (they live 50 miles away in dh's home town) and for a piss up bite to eat i ask him wtf, the kids are really excited about going with both of us. Apparently he needs a break from "family life" to feel less "pressurised" fine, whatever. I'm not happy with this but we have to leave so I give his ticket to my mum instead, thankfully had no plans and could go at such short notice.

We go, the boys love it, though do wonder why daddy isn't there. I try to explain daddy is a bit busy and will try to come next time. I'm heading out with some friends tonight. (again, planned weeks ago, for a birthday) dh agreed to stay in with the kids but suddenly insists on a 'Lads night out' rings me after the panto to tell me, won't budge on it as his friends travelled "all the way here", so our boys are having a sleepover at granny's tonight. Thankfully they have clothes and pjs there already and my mum doesn't mind having them.over, as doesn't want me to cancel a rare night out. I feel very guilty about this, he told them previously they could stay up late with him tonight, have some treats and watch Spiderman (they are obsessed). They were looking forward to a night in with their dad, dc1 even bought some hot chocolate with his Christmas money to share with his dad and brother :(

After the panto we have dinner at my mum's then I head home to get ready. Get home and dh and his friends are not in, but have left a fucking mess in the kitchen for me to tidy up. Take away containers splayed over the worktop, the sauce of whatever they have ordered dripped over the sides of the containers, wrappers not put in the bin, the fucking milk left out and in the living room there were empty beer bottles on the coffee table. My bathroom, which I scrubbed this morning, has shit round the toilet bowl and piss round the toilet seat. Fucking animals, even my dc don't leave it in this state.

This is so typical of that selfish prick, he does it all the time. With this, him cancelling on our dc and arranging a night out when he knew I was going out, I lost the fucking rag and sent him a text message telling him in sick of him cancelling on our dc when a more appealing offer comes along, he is a selfish shit and I am not his fucking skivvy :(

He replies with I'll deal with it when I come home. I tell him not to bother his arse. Fine, he replies.

I am so upset. Tbh its been like this for a while and the relationship is falling apart. I cant see us lasting much longer. He has never been violent or abusive, just got so lazy and selfish, expecting me to do everything and missing out on things with the kids.

I feel like just cancelling tonight and going bringing the hot chocolate to my mum's and drinking it with with my boys:( pathetic aren't I?

[InfinitySeven]

He's a twat.

Tell him not to come home. He won't change.

[notagainffffffffs]

You???you're only being pathetic if you dont sling his sorry arse out!!

[WorkingBling]

Yanbu. Why are hou with him? He sounds like a waste f space and unreliable. You don't deserve this.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

Don't cancel your rare night out.

Leave the mess, cleaning it up is his problem.

[afreshstartplease]

You are not pathetic

He is pathetic
A pathetic selfish twat

I have been there and it stinks

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

Pathetic? FFS. Your husband is a selfish fucker. Imagine the uproar if the tables were turned.

[FelicityGubbins]

I'd be fucking livid and putting all his stuff in bin bags, along with all the shit left in the kitchen and slinging the fucker out...

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Go out, get rat arsed. Text DH to say he is to collect the boys tomorrow and take them with him and his pals somewhere family friendly as you are off the clock.

Spend the day relaxing as much as you can, having a good think about what you want to do, and starting a thread in Relationships.

[YellowTulips]

Do what you want OP - your DH seems to live by that philosophy....needing a break from family life FFS....

I'd be bloody furious and would have gone batshit at him not going to the panto. The rest re: the house is just awful.

He needs a reality check - actually have a LTB - he sounds like an arse.

[storminabuttercup]

YANBU to be pissed off he sounds like a twat. But why cancel a rare night out, the boys are happy with granny you can have the hot chocolate tomorrow!

Think you need to sit down with DP tomorrow when you are both sober and tell him to sort himself out or fuck off

[petalunicorn]

SO selfish. Would be end of line for me if dh did that.

[Gruntfuttock]

He wouldn't behave like this if he gave a damn about you and your children. You're not pathetic at all to feel so let down, angry and upset. He is a selfish prick.

[IamTitanium]

You are totally not unreasonable.
However I personally dislike it when a person uses "he's not violent or abusive" as a positive in a relationship, that is not a positive its a basic right to expect a person not to act like that!
Fuck him (not literally)
Don't clean his shit (literally)
Do what you want this evening, if that is cancelling your plans and going to your Mum do that.
Have a think about what you want going forward.

[3littlefrogs]

He isn't interested in being a husband and father is he?
He doesn't want the responsibility and commitment of a family.
He sounds really awful.

[championnibbler]

It sounds very much like he wants out.
he would like to be single and childless again.
sorry.

i would throw him out (as notagain says) and file for separation - with the possibility for divorce.

[Gatehouse77]

Don't clean up! Leave a note for him about what state you expect to find it in - I.e. How he found it!

Go on your night out and either go back to your Mum's or head off in the morning to collect your boys and ask him to text you when the house is clean. Then go home.

You don't have to make any snarky comments, just a list. If he makes snarky comments back just rise above it in front of him and rant and rage on here...

[flanjabelle]

I have never said this on here, but I think you need to ltb. He sounds as if he has given up on your relationship and family and is just making a fool of you now. You sound like a convenience to him and nothing more. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that. The way you speak of him makes it clear this is not the first time or a one off. Please dont teach your boys that this is how a woman should be treated.

[happywanderingwithdog]

He is a complete selfish prick. He can't spend time with his children because he's too busy behaving like a spoilt, selfish child. If this is his regular behaviour it's not kind or respectful to you, or your kids. Dump the loser. The comment about the hot chocolate is really sad.

[comedycentral]

Do not cancel, go out and have some fun. I hope his arsey mates are not staying over too?

[fluffyraggies]

This is my very first LTB.

(5 years a MNer)

I honestly don't think this bloke sounds worth the trouble OP.

[ApocalypseThen]

I would be livid, livid with my husband if he decided to inform me that he'd like a break from family life so it's up to me to pick up the slack alone. Really, there'd be a serious talk about whether parenthood is going to be a permanent fixture in his life.

[iklboo]

Needs a break from family life? I'd give him a permanent bloody break from it. See if his mates are keen to put him up (and put up with him). I'd dump all his stuff - with the takeaway containers on top - into bin bags & tell him to do one if he's feeling so pressured.

[Gruntfuttock]

You and your children don't deserve to be treated like this, OP. It's absolutely unacceptable and he hasn't an iota of respect or consideration for you. What are you going to do?

[Pumpkaboo]

Thank you everyone, I needed a boot up the bum. Yes, he is a selfish fucker and I really want to divorce him. I think he wants it too, deep down we have both known since our youngest was born that our marriage was crumbling.

[Whereisegg]

I would be bloody raging if my dh did any of those things, he sounds incredibly selfish, and tbh, not much like someone who wants to be 'tied down'.